discipline advice for generally good 3.5 yr old.

[Toowittoowoo]

Just wondering if anyone can offer some quick tips or advice as I am floundering a bit with my 3.5yr old DD1. She is generally very good, very helpful, chatty, kind to her little sister, plays nicely with other children etc. but mealtimes are becoming slowly unbearable. This started a few months ago when began weaning DD2 so I guess she saw me giving more attention to DD2 and didn't like it. I understand this behaviour but she is currently distrupting meal times for everyone. I also feel that I am making the situation worse but not having any kind of strategy to deal with her and am basically just getting annoyed (not helpful I know).

It is nothing majorly bad but still unacceptable in my view she is:-

not sitting properly, getting off her chair, dancing around, kneeling on the chair, standing on the chair etc.

refusing to eat and then demanding food later.

Making a big fuss about needing the toilet during meal times. Screaming and shouting if I ask her to go on her own and then finding out that she didn't need to go anyway. This is particularly annoying during the week when DH is not here as I can't leave DD2 in the high chair. I have tried getting her to use the toilet before the meal starts but she just says that she doesn't need to.

I have never done anything like naughty step or time out as I haven't really needed to. I suppose I don't really have a discipline approach - if she does something wrong I tell her off and if does something well I praise her. Meal times however seem to need a strategy and I am a bit out of my depth.

Last night DH backed himself into a corner with her about standing on the chair saying that if she didn't sit nicely she couldn't have pudding. Obviously she didn't sit nicely and was refused the peach she had been looking forward to all day. She screamed and cried all evening about the peach and I don't know whether it was worth it.

Any advice anyone could offer would be great. I find it very stressful getting the meal ready as DD2 is invariably tired and hungry so I have to do everything with one hand and then when DD1 plays up and I am trying to feed DD2 then I just get short tempered with her as she is usually very good and I expect good behaviour from her.

Gosh that was a long post - sorry!

I wouldn't use food as a punishment.

I would also ignore her. If she doesn't eat, fine. If she needs the loo then she can go. I vaguely remember ds doing this (he had a little sister too) and I put it down to attention seeking. He stopped after a while. I also gave positive attention as well with no comparisons to his sister!

She screamed and cried all evening about the peach, and I don't know if it was worth it

Of course it was worth it. You stuck to your guns.......she wasn't expecting that was she? Just put the food in front of her and don't say anything. If she acts up and doesn't eat then you take it away without saying anything.

The more you interact and pay attention the more she will play up. But, you can promise her time on her own with you IF she doesn't act up.

I saw a thing on telly once where the adults gave out marbles for good behaviour at the table. The kids had a jam jar each to collect them in. I quite like the idea from a positivity angle.

I came from a family that had a 'snopping' spoon, where if you misbehaved you got a rap on the back of the hand with the spoon! Although I'm a well mannered 35 year old, I'd not recommend the approach!