Worried a friend might have postnatal depression?

[Jenjen85]

Not sure what to do really? Me and my friend went through our pregnancies together and had our babies within 2 days of each other last July. Since about Oct/Nov (possibly later I cant quite remember) last year she has gone rather quiet with me, she hardly texts and we don't see each other anymore either. We used to text at least once a day but I haven't had a proper conversation in ages(I know our lives change one babys arrive but this is unusual for her as shes usually the loud one in our group of friends) . She has gone so thin I hardly recognised her the last time I saw her (she reckons she's been doing weight watchers and has lost 5st since she had her DS) she did have pneumonia in March this year so that would have contributed to some weightloss but I think 5st is excessive (im not obsessed with my weight but im back to what I weighed before my DD, I think shes had an eating dissorder in the past and shes VERY body conscious) anyway sorry im digressing/waffling on. So I had a party last week for my DDs 1st birthday and invited her, she came with her son and husband but we barely spoke, she was very negative towards her son eg telling him to shut up and stop whingeing and practically threw him at one of my friends. All my friends have commented saying shes not herself and if she has postnatal depression. She has admitted to a friend that having her son is hard work (he does have reflux) and its not as easy as she thought it would be. To top it off this week she had an accident with her car (not sure on full details as she only txt back saying she was cut and bruised) but from what I can gather she claims the handbrake failed on the car and dragged her down the path into the house so it has to be fixed (although from what I could see of the house it looked fine car was bashed though) she put it on facebook but never answered anyone when they asked what happened (hate attention seekers) but im wondering if she didn't put the handbrake on properly as they don't just go (do they?)

Anyhow sorry for the massive post and if you've read this far well done!! But im wondering what I should do? I know if I spoke to her she wouldn't admit it, should I mention it to a health visitor or maybe speak to her husband? Any help would be appreciated

Definitely speak to her husband if you can't speak to her. I wish my DH had been aware of my PND and dragged me to the doctors to get it sorted. The first year of my sons life was horrendous and the 2nd was pretty bloody hard too. I'm so tarnished by the experience I couldn't ever bear to have another and feel so sad that I essentially lost the first 2 years of bringing up and bonding with my son. He is now 2 1/2 and I'm feeling pretty ok most of the time but it shouldn't have had to be this hard. I wish someone had been there to fight for me!

salsap im so glad your getting better! I cant imagine what PND is like for anyone but I can only imagine its bloody hard. Please dont let it put you off having another as im sure you would have extra support 2nd time round and know the signs now? The only thing with talking to her husband would me feeling like im sticking my nose in and interferring. My friend did say to me not long after we had the babies that she hated every second of being pregnant and would often stand in the shower and cry cos she could feel her baby moving so maybe it started before he was born?

I can see what you're saying about feeling like you're interfering but I wouldn't let that stop you. What have you got to lose? It can't be as much as your friend is losing if she is suffering with PND. It's a very dark place that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy!

Not that I have any enemies - I don't think! ;)

Bump

You should 100% speak to her husband. I've had pnd twice and thank God im the type to talk and tell people i need help, if i wasn't that way inclined i dread to think what might have happened. Her dh is probably aware something isn't right but is probably terrified of saying something to her. Talk to him, tell him she is showing signs, get him to talk to her, you talk to her. She might react badly but in the long run she will be grateful she had people around her who cared enough to try to help.