Need help desperately... Can't judge situations well :(

[Truffles123]

I need help, fast... I feel like I'm going out of my mind at the moment. I keep getting these vibes and seeing situations happening that's leading me to think that my father likes young children and it's scaring me to death. However, I feel that my judgement has been compromised due to an incident that happened a while back to myself...

When I was about 14, a very close friend of the family (was like my second dad at the time) began complimenting me inappropriately when he visited and, to cut a horribly long story short, lead to him cornering me and touching me very inappropriately. I know that ever since then I've been completely petrified of my dad or any other close male relatives getting near me or putting even an arm around me.

This sort of leads me to my next issue... I feel that because of all this, I may be looking for something that potentially isn't there.... But I really don't know and I am petrified of the outcome.

I have a 2 year old nephew and, apart from one situation that will be explained, I just don't feel I can trust my father around him. Going back over 10 years ago, I am sure I can remember accidentally finding a couple of inappropriate videos on my dad's PC and that has haunted me ever since.

Also today, as my nephew was being changed, I'm sure I saw my dad slowly rubbing his inner thigh.... My god, even typing this is scaring me and bringing me to tears.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how I should feel. I've not told my husband and I know I can't tell my mum. I've never really been THAT close to her that something this personal could be shared.

I need honest opinions please. I could be seeing something from nothing but I just don't know what to do. Please.

i cant say whether youre right or wrinf, but i think youre having intrusive thoughts which are affecting your life and relationships

Have you talked to anyone about what happened to you when you were a child?

I think you should trust your gut. I think you should talk with your DH abut all of this.

I also think you should seek counselling (privately if NHS would take too long to arrange) to go over what was done to you and how you felt and now feel.

Firstly, thank you for such quick responses. I feel like I'm alone here...

Would what happened to me really affect what I see? It just feels like it's happening but I do question myself.

I've never really spoken to anyone about it. I remember telling my mum, almost felt like I was forced to as I confided in a school friend who threatened to tell my mum for me. Not much happened apart from a comforting hug and the promise of never seeing that man again....

I didn't think what happened to me would come back with such vengeance... I've not really considered counselling, as what happened to me isn't anywhere near as bad as what other people have been through. I just didn't want to seem selfish. I hope that makes sense...

I'm being a bit thick here, but what does DH stand for?

DH is dear husband

I feel scared telling my husband... What if I get it wrong and my husband stops trusting my dad for no reason? I dont want to fill my hubby's head with things that may not be true... I just don't know what I'm supposed to do :(

You shouldn't think that counselling wouldn't help you because 'worse things happen at sea' as they say. It is horrific what happened to you. Nobody should have that happen to them.

A couple of years ago my friend (42) went to the police and reported the man who abused her as a child. The man is dead. She is so pleased that she did it not only because it has gone on record and will be linked if anyone else reports him. But because they listened to her and believed her. Her mother acted like yours at the time when she told her as a child.

I agree with Rita. You don't have to get into a queue behind more deserving cases..

I very much doubt if you have 'got it wrong'. And in any case there are no right or wrong feelings. Tell DH what happened in the past and explain how nervous you feel now.

Ask for his emotional support and for him to quietly observe, if you like. You really can ask people for exactly what you want from them and expect them to do as asked.

Somewhere along the line I think you were given the impression that your problems were not important or that there was some bigger picture you had to be mindful of, whether that was the feelings of others or the reputation of others. You also seem to have got the message that you need to be responsible for or not lose control of the reactions of others. How did you feel when your friend in school wanted to tell and you were afraid to do so? Counselling would be the place to sort out how you got in to the corner you find yourself in.

Mathanxiety, u hit the nail on the head... I didn't tell anyone for so long because I didn't want to destroy the abusers marriage at the time... My mum was also very mindful of the fact that if my dad and brother ever found out, they would take matters into their own hands and I didn't want to be the cause of that either...

My friend was threatening to call my mum and tell her what had happened, looking back on it now I know that was an empty threat but it made me tell someone.

I think I will take up some sort of counselling and I hope that will dispel any thoughts/feelings about this whole situation. I hope this is all in my head, I don't think I could cope otherwise. My dad has always been there for me :(

Op you can look up your local sarc (sexual assault referral centre) on Google. The majority provide both advice about recent assaults and also support, counselling and discussion about who else you can/want to refer to. Most operate a 24 hour helpline- they will be able to direct you to people who can help.

Try to see if you can talk about shouldering burdens that other people should not have placed on you.

Can you clarify what were the inappropriate videos you saw on your dad's pc? Might help make the situation a little clearer. Toddler chubby thighs are so cute and innocent that it is hard not to give them a squish, so the nappy change potential innocent might have been entirely harmless on its own. In the context of possessing inappropriate videos concerning children, that would be a different matter. So sorry for you in all this. How awful that one horrible man's actions have affected you so, although entirely understandable. I would agree with the other suggestions about asking for some counselling? You were an innocent victim and deserve to be able to get on with your life without the spectre of past traumatic memories controlling you.

*incident not innocent