DS's friend (our neighbour) has stolen nearly £300 pounds from oour house

[leadinglady]

My DSs always save their Christmas / birthday money received from grandparents in their wallets, which they keep in their sock draw. occasionally i put some of it in a bank for them but for the most part they keep it in the sock draw. They have been saving for years (I know I should have put it all in the bank but they like to have some ready cash for weekend trips out etc.)

Yesterday both my DSs realised their wallets were empty - between them they had over £300, + some foreign notes for school trips abroad saved as souvenirs.

Neighbours 1 has 3 DS age ranging 5 - 13
Neighbour 2 has DS aged 8

No one else has been in my sons' room so I am guessing it was one of the neighbours kids that's taken the money. I don't want broach the subject with the neighbours.

I know some of you will say we shouldn't leave that kind of money laying around the house but and we should have put it in the bank - i already know that. What I need to know is how to approach the subject with thier parents.

My DS suggested he would ask them first. not sure what to do.

How many of the neighbour children would have known the money was there and which of them might have had access to it?

With kids of the ages you have mentioned it's not going to go unnoticed for long that one of them has bought stuff, or been able to keep it to themselves.

If you are absolutely one hundred percent sure you need to speak with your neighbours. And mention the police if they are not forthcoming.
If it was my dd that had stolen I would hit the roof, at her not you

anyone else? tradespeople? cleaners? other friends?
how awful

If you are 100% certain that no one else has been I. Their rooms - ie cleaner au pair tradesman then I would speak to the parents first and then call the police if the money doesn't reappear.

These people may well be in your life for a long time if they are neighbours. Be very certain before you start making serious accusations like this.

As mentioned above, that amount of money would not go unnoticed by parents if one of your neighbours children got hold of it.

Are you quite sure one of your children isn't the culprit?

I would probably try to speak to the adult neighbours both together - that way it doesn't look as though you are pointing the finger at either one - and see if they have noticed anything first. Then maybe ask to speak to all the DCs together (with their parents present) and see if one of them squirms.

One other possibility though that you may want to rule out - is there any chance one of your DCs may have taken the money themselves?

I think you need to decide whether you want the money back more than you want a good relationship with your neighbours. Personally I would want the money but you said you didn't want to bring it up with the neighbours.

I think it is a problem that you don't know which neighbour (if any) did it. So risk isolated both. This happened to me when I was younger. My parents approached the neighbours, obviously my friendship with the child ended and neighbour's kept at arms length. In that scenario we 100% knew who it was.

Thanks everyone. It has been a horrible day and my DS has lost a friend - it turned out that it was eldest son of neighbour 1 who had stolen the money. My DS is devasted by the lack of respect and trust from someone he thought was a a good friend.

We had been dreading speaking with our neighbours about it but glad we did they totally understood. We found out that her DS has been stealing from her and her husband. She searched his room and found £60 - which he said was his that he had been saving. However if it hadn't been for the $5 dollar note which my DS had signed and dated from his trip to NY his friend might have got away.

I am not sure how he managed to spend the rest of the money. Had it been either of my sons I would have marched them next door and made them returned the money and apologise.

Needless to say the money is going in the bank of Monday

what a horrible experience for you and your son
are the family going to reimburse you?
what did their son say?
does he understand it was a criminal offence?

I'm amazed the boy didn't have the sense to ditch the signed note!

I'd certainly say this boy can't be allowed in your house to play again as he can't be trusted