what punishment would be appropriate?

[alexsmum]

Last night i was sitting on the sofa and could smell a funny smell.couldn't work out what it was.
sat back down this am and could still smell it.worked out it was coming from the sofa itself and examined the sofa.
It is leather and newish-got it just before christmas last year, and on the arm there is a weird hard,puckered patch.and that is what smells.
Was very puzzled and upset.Couldn't work out what had happened.
Ds1 has come home from school today and i asked him he he knew anything about it.he told me he had burnt it with his bedside lamp.
i knew he'd brought his lamp down yesterday morning and i made him take it back up but had no idea this had happened.
I have told him how naughty it is and that the sofa was very expensive and that daddy had to work a long time to pay for it.i have sent him to his room to think aboout it and have told him i will be talking to his dad about it.
Really feel i need to do something drastic and he's really showing very little respect lately.His brother whacked a picture yesterday with a light sabre and it fell off the wall and broke.We don't have much money and it seems that everything we do to make the house nice,they ruin.
so what do i do next to teach that it's not easy come easy go and that dh and i aren't bottomless pits of money and he has to respect our home and us?

how old is he?

6

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Personally, I would take away something he likes like TV for a week.

How old are they alexsmum? Punishment will depend on age and how well they understand things.
I am thinking something along the lines of having to give up some of their pocket money to help pay for their damages (not that it would be enough but might get the principle across)
However, I think the worse part is that he was dishonest and did not tell you about it. You need him to understand how disappointed you were to find out about it without him owning up himself. What do you think his Dad will say - do you want to wait until he is home to address it as a family?

Can you figure if he deliberately burnt it?
If it was an accident, punishments are pretty pointless IMO
I say that having the most clumsy mad professor child in the world who absent mindedly carves things into wooden furniture.
I make him load the dishwasher - he is 12 and punsihing him has very little point. He has also spilt innk all over his bedroom and cleaned it up with toothpaste...
But then I have very little attachment to "things"

i have just spoken to him and asked him to absolutely honest with and tell what is it an accident or did he do it on purpose.he said he did it on purpose.
asked him why he did it but he couldn't tell me.
said to him that he could have set the house on fire.

have told him no tv for at least 2 weeks and no park after school for at least two weeks.and that daddy i will have to talk about whether we think that is enough.

feel sick to be honest.

and piffle -there is little attachment to 'things' and there is having no respect whatsoever for your surroundings and other peoples property.

someone help me out here i feel like killing him.

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I think the ideal is letting the DC experience the natural consequence of his actions rather than "punishment" per se.

So my approach (I think) would have been to take the lamp away for a few months, get some furniture restorer in for a quote to see if there was anything that could be done and how much it would cost, and then discuss with DS how much it would cost to make an improvement to the sofa and how he could contribute to that (e.g. doing without something you'd usually buy him for X weeks and each week putting the money into a big jar labelled "Sofa Money") (that doesn't work so well if there's nothing that can be done or it's just prohibitively expensive, of course -- in that case maybe the equivalent with getting some nice cushions to cover it up and seeing how much they cost).

That way there's a logical connection between what he did and the consequences, and the idea that things like sofas cost money is reinforced. Similarly with the light sabre/picture incident.

I remember when I was 7, my brothers got a new football - it was plastic but ahd the world cup flags on each segment.
I got a pin as I wanted to know how thick the plastic was.
Not very.
My mum tok my brothers out to Mcdonalds or out for some treat and left me at home with Dad and meat and 2 veg.
She also stopped me from seeing my pony for 2 weeks and let my brother ride him.
There are few punishments I remember but being left out of a treat with the others got was a real stinger - esp as they came back with sweets and waved them in front of me.
I only said about the lax attitude towards things Alexmum inasmuch as it not being deliberate
Being a deliberate act does make it more punishable
I wonder what he was trying to achieve...

My DP says he used to do things like this even though he knew it was wrong but he just couldn't stop himself because he was desperate to see what would happenb - he was just madly curiouos (and is now a scientist!) Could it be that? I agree with the others DS needs a "punishment" that is not about making him suffer or you getting revenge, but that will teach him the actual consequences of damaging things, eg that it costs money and upsets people. However when this has blown over you might find you can satisfy this urge in him by letting him do lots of experiment-type stuff, exploring burning things with you in a safe context outside for example.

Piffle -- this is the age where they often get really interested in fire and burning and so forth [guess whose brother played with matches and accidentally set fire to his school at roughly the same age ].

If it does seem like any kind of fascination with fire or burning it might be worth having a word with your local fire brigade -- they often have a team for helping children who are fascinated by fire to get over it. But more likely to be an isolated incident, obvioualy.