I feel like an absolute failure.

[CherryPie3]

DS1 (8yrs) just wrote me a note saying "Mummy, I am an idiot and you hate me so that proves that I am an idiot"
All because I told him not to scream at DS2 (4yrs) earlier and also because I've told him he's not having crisps and a biscuit in his school packed lunch anymore unless he starts eating his sandwiches.
Feel like a massive failure at being a Mummy. I'm doing my best and just want to make sure they grow up to be well behaved and respectful of others etc. As I asume most parents do.

Any advice? I'm sat here in tears because I genuinely don't know what to do.
DH isn't even here as he's working away this week. So so sad, I feel like he hates me. Am I being too strict? :( :( :(

It all sounds very reasonable to me. Have more faith in yourself! And give DS1 a big cuddle

Oh love. You're not. Children say such hurtful things in the heat of the moment. Do you love him? Do you show him you love him? Do you spend time with him and listen to him? I'm sure you'll say yes.

We have to give our kids boundaries, we have to discipline them. He does need to not shout at his younger sibling, he does need to eat his sandwich. There's nothing wrong with that.

How are things at school for him and with his peers? Is this an over spill from a tough time at school?

Pour yourself a glass of wine and try and let go of what you've read. Have a chat with him about it all when you've both cooled off. Don't let the sun go down on an argument.

You're doing a good job.

Oh cherry. I'm sure this isn't uncommon, the little rascals know exactly how to make us feel shit when we've upset them.
You are not a failure.
My 7 up often tels me he hates me when I say the wii needs to be turned off or something. My 5 yo tells me I'm stupid and ugly when I tell him it's hair wash night or that there's no sweets today or something else like that.
If he's feeling a little insecure at the moment, could you grab 10/15 minutes a day just you and him? I try to do this with mine, shut ourselves in my bedroom and do something of their choosing. It's normally playing catch, or fighting and we end with a hug.
This is a phase, it too shall pass

The problem with children is that they know exactly which buttons to press.

The problem with us is that when they press them we can't help taking it personally.

You are not a failure. In fact it sounds like you've done a pretty good job with him. He feels secure in your love enough to open up to you about some pretty negative feelings. Use this as a conversation opener and ask him whether he thinks you should let him treat people badly and eat junk for every meal. He'll probably give you some very good reasons why you've done the right thing.

Remind him that the rules you're giving him are because you love him and want him to grow up feeling popular and healthy.

Kids say all kinds of crap. I was ALWAYS telling my mum she wasn't coming to me wedding (no idea why-I guess I felt birthday party was too small scale!) and I utterly adored her, and still do.

Deep breaths, persevere and be kind to yourself.

Thank you everyone. We have had a chat and I have assured him that I do not hate him, and that he is not an idiot. There is issues at school being that he feels he doesn't have many friends, maybe this is the root of it.

We have just shared a drink of milk and he seems much happier, I've given him a kiss goodnight.

He did send me another note, this one said "Mummy I am very sorry, and to prove it you can spend my birthday money" (it was his birthday last Thursday).

This is when I shouted him back downstairs. I have no intention of spending his birthday money! I do believe that he is sorry.

My dd is 9yrs old and is an absolute mouse compared to ds1, she's totally textbook. This is certainly alien territory for me!!

Thank you all for your lovely words.

When things are tough at school it all comes out at home for mine. Just keep giving him love.

Can you arrange for him to have more friends over?

It feels awful doesn't it. Dd said (at 2 and a half and on the naughty step) 'I don't love you, mummy. I love granny instead'. Ooooooo that stung!

Be kind to yourself, kids are dramatic :)

We've tried that dontstep, he only really has one friend at school and his mum doesn't like him going to other peoples houses.. We have invited them over in the summer holidays and they have done the same - they have a lovely big price of land (they live in a farmhouse) and they've turned this into something of a playground so it's brilliant for kids. Ds1 is looking forward to that.

wetthe you are right kids are dramatic! :)

Piece of land. Piece! Not price!!!