What can I do with a toddler who cries and cries for no apparent reason?

[dottytablecloth]

My 17 month old ds is well looked after and cared for, have to state this clearly from the beginning! We are out and about most days, I do my best to make sure he's not bored and has plenty of little toddler friends etc!

My problem is that he cries FAR too much. He'll go from enjoying his breakfast, laughing and babbling to screaming and screaming and crying. It's not always when eating, there is no rhyme or reason to his crying and it's not food related IMHO. He could be on the floor playing with his toys (has a wide selection) and the crying will start.

I've tried everything I can think off to deal with the crying, cuddling him, distraction, being cross and saying NO! I've also resorted this morning to walking away to the next room and saying firmly "mummy won't listen to that" but it makes him worse and he just scream louder.

I feel as there are definitely more tears with me! he adores dh as they have lots of throwing around! lifting up high etc which ds loves (can't do this so much as I'm pregnant with back/neck issues)

Please tell me toddler crying hell improves? When?

Just to add his latest crying fit has just started because I won't allow him to smack my foot

I feel like a rubbish mum and I have to say I'm not enjoying the toddler stage.

My dd was like this, was worse if she was tired or hungry?

Also might be teeth? Think back ones come in around this age.

Have you had his ears checked? Any concerns re hearing? I only ask because my dd had glue ear poss from this age but it was not picked up until she was nearly 2 and her speech was delayed. That def increased her frustration and crying.

It might also be that you are doing too much with him, maybe have a couple of quiet days at home (being bored is not always a bad thing) and see if he is any happier.

I look after a 19 month old and we're having the same issue. He can get very angry for no apparent reason and he has taken to hitting. I deal with it by ignoring mainly. I will remove him and put him on beanbag in the dining room to calm himself down. To start with he'd scream and scream but now 2 months on he's learnt to calm himself within minutes.
Obviously he could be crying due to pain. The lo I look after has had a few bouts of tonsillitis and ear infections which have made him more grumpy.

I don't think it's tiredness. He slept from 7pm until 8am this morning and he'll have a 2 hour nap around 11.

He had a slight ear infection but that's cleared up now. He has 4 teeth just so we are putting a lot of his crying down to the fact that more teeth should be coming soon. Surely not this level of crying?!

I'm really struggling to cope with this level of crying. It's really, really hard.

I think combination of teething plus frustration at not being able to talk.

DD was like this at 17mo (started hitting as well) - she is now 19 mo and has got miles better in the past few weeks (despite still teething) - I think because she can now talk much better and so I can say "don't cry, tell me" - at 17 mo that wouldn't have worked though.

If crying if worse than usual then I would get his ears checked by G.P again. Might also be worth seeing if calpol helps reduce the crying (if not at least you can rule out pain!)

It is hard I remember it well to a certain extent I think you do have to learn to ignore it - for your own sanity!!

It helped me that I worked a couple of days a week - gave me a break!!

I think the brain and developmental progress they make at this age can be really overwhelming at times and crying is the only way they know how to express it.

Have you tried reflecting feelings back to him, trying to articulate what the issue is? At 17 months speech is often very limited so it can be frustration combined with feeling overwhelmed by a feeling they have no name for, plus they have no sense of perspective yet so everything is a major drama. It can help to give them a word for their feelings and as their speech improves he may even switch to using the word. Sometimes the immediate effect is that the crying increases when you acknowledge what the problem is but then once they've got over that (which is a few seconds but feels longer!) they calm down completely.

My son was like that, it wound me up to the point of going into my bedroom, closing the door and screaming and punching my pillows! There is no answer you just have to ride the storm! It does get better. People used to say to me 'find out his 'triggers' and I got sick of explaining that there weren't really any specific triggers! I got to the stage where when he would melt down I would keep my face totally calm and wAit until he had screamed it all out. A therapist told me to hug him very tightly as that releases a hormone which helps them calm down. It's such a frustrating time I feel for you.

Has he been ill recently? My son when he was a toddler went through a phase of this. He really wasn't himself so I took him to the GP, who told me that if they have had a viral infection, glands can come up in their tummies in the way ours do in our necks and can stay for weeks. They can make it painful to eat and generally feel run down and fractious.

Both my DSs were like this as babies and young toddlers. I think a lot of it for them was frustration and not having the language or the concentration span to really understand anything in any depth. Everything is so abstract to them and I suppose it must be boring for them and make them feel frustrated. Just to offer you some hope both of mine by the time they could put words together and ask me for things, talk about what I was doing, understand what I was saying etc totally chilled out. DS1 and 2 were so bloody whingy at this age that I honestly just wanted to go back to work full time and leave them with anyone who would listen to them because it really does shred your nerves listening to them moaning and crying all day long.

Teething could be a part of it. Also tiredness made both of mine unbearable.

I think the best thing to do is to stay as calm as possible (not easy!) but I used to either sing to them or put music on, I'd talk to them and play with them, often they cried anyway but having music on diluted it somewhat! Getting out the house helps (although they still whinged and cried but a change of scenery did me good.) Also I used to set a timer so I'd spend 15 minutes in one room with them, then move them to the kitchen while I got on with things, then go upstairs with them after 15 minutes to put clothes away, then into their bedroom to play, just to keep the scenery changing because staring at the same 4 walls can drive them and you mad. Keeping the movement and changing things up really helped keep us all sane.

DS2 is now 2,6 and perfectly happy to sit and eat, play, read without constantly moaning and crying so I promise it does get easier! Now he just chats to me and I adore spending time with him which is such a change from this time last year when I was considering selling him on ebay. (Disclaimer: I am joking about the ebay comment kind of )

Right, I get shit mum of the year award

Took my son back to the GP today as when he woke this morning he was burning up and it turns out he has a severe infection in both ears and that is the reason for the howling and fussing.

Yet another antibiotic.

Am cross with myself that I didn't spot this straight away and instead was moaning about him crying non stop.

I dread to think how much I would be crying if I had a double ear infection.

The crap mum of the year does not take her son to the doctor when he is not behaving normally.

Well done you. It is very difficult to tell, especially with ear infections. They don't always know why they are crying and neither do we.

You are not a bad mum. My son had constant ear infections before he was 2 and as he was too young to tell me what was wrong I always put it down to him being a little git. He'd scream and cry and wake in the night. It wouldn't be till a few days later when his ear drum had perforated and gunk was coming out that I realised what was wrong. We all do it. Hope your ds gets better soon xx

Been there and got the t.shirt, my dd also had constant ear infections and I didn't always spot it. Often blamed her moaning and crying on her just being grumpy and difficult

Keep on eye on the ear infections and I would strongly recommend insisting he has a hearing test when he turns 2 (I personally feel it should be mandatory for all 2 yo to have a hearing test!)

Don't feel bad, we don't get it right all the time but that's being a parent.