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Original poster

Getting a 4 yo to give up the dummy

17 replies

Devora · 08/07/2014 23:22

Don't shout at me. I know my rising 5 year old should not have a dummy at nights. It's a long story which I won't bore you with: suffice it to say she is adopted with significant attachment issues (can't even go to the loo on her own, let alone sleep on her own) and so here we are, still with a dummy at nights.

I know this has to stop before she starts losing her milk teeth, and I'm planning on going cold turkey this summer. I would be HUGELY grateful for any advice from those who have weaned an older child off the dummy.

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MissSmiley · 08/07/2014 23:29

I weaned her off it very successfully at 8! She wasn't keen but didn't cry.

Her teeth are fine. She kept it in bed. No one knew.

BetterWithCheese · 08/07/2014 23:31

We told my son at just over 3 that he could trade his dummies for a toy he wanted. He got very excited and knew exactly what he wanted and was desperate to go get it. When we got back from the toy shop he threw all the dummies in the bin and literally never mentioned them again. To be honest, I was shocked it worked as he was very attached to them and it's taken ages to get down to just nights. It's so hard if she has attachment difficulties because it will be a form of self-soothing for her. I hope however you do it that it goes smoothly and painlessly for you all.

Haggisfish · 08/07/2014 23:33

We're in the same position but without your extenuating circumstances! I plan to go cold turkey after summer.

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Original poster

Devora · 08/07/2014 23:41

Can't believe I'm not the only one! I thought you were all going to tell me what a shit mum I am

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reddaisy · 08/07/2014 23:50

Let her keep them! (Also unhelpful) I sucked my thumb until I was 12, surely that is worse than a dummy? (My teeth are lovely, I promise) I used to slip DDs out of her mouth once she was asleep and only let her have them at bedtime. Sounds like you are doing a great job.

SpringItOn · 08/07/2014 23:58

Neither of my DS's had a dummy

Their teeth came through like a Victorian Graveyard.
Eldest has full train track braces on, and had a twin block for a year prior to that.

So try a bit of bribery and corruption, if it doesn't work, leave it a bit longer.

flowerpowergirl · 09/07/2014 02:32

My DS (8) doesn't have a dummy but has sucked his thumb every night since he was born and his teeth are fine. On a more helpful note my SIL had similar issue with her DD. She sort of went cold turkey but softened with a visit from the dummy fairy. A cross between the tooth fairy and Santa. The dummy was left out one night and the next day it was gone but in its place lovely new toy. Worked for her. Good luck!

FurryTrousers · 09/07/2014 03:09

We've tried lots of tactics with DD2, but it never seems the right time (2 house moves, arrival of DC3 etc etc). She's got very attached to it, sigh.

I might try her with some 'chewlry' next - they sell it on Amazon...

wheresthelight · 09/07/2014 07:37

If her issues are that deep rooted I wouldn't wean her off it yet! Especially not cold turkey. I would get her to pick a toy and then start her with that's bed and the dummy and then slowly she will swap over I'm her own time

tumbletumble · 09/07/2014 07:42

I weaned DS2 off the dummy at age 4. We made a big deal in the couple of weeks before his birthday about how 4 year olds didn't have dummies. Then he gave them to the dummy fairy (he has older siblings so knows about the tooth fairy) and got 2 under his pillow.

I had been putting it off for so long I was amazed how easy it was. I had been sure he'd never get to sleep without one!

Pleasenomorepeppa · 09/07/2014 07:53

DD1 has just given up. She turned 5 in May. We're now 6 weeks without her dummy. She only ever had it at night in her bed.
She developed a cough & kept coughing it out so I told her that the dummy wouldn't help her cough & she'd better keep it out for a few days. She did that & we gave her lots of positive praise & she agreed she didn't need them.
I got her a pretty bag to put them all in & said that's dummy fairy would take them & put a present in the bag & take the dummies.
She doesn't want a present, she just wants to keep them in the bag in a cupboard .
She's been absolutely fine, a few tears, but no sleep regression etc. the only reason I made her get rid of them was because I was feeling embarrassed that my 5 year old still had them. She still carries her bunny around though!!

Original poster

Devora · 10/07/2014 23:12

I am absolutely astonished at this thread. I thought I was definitely heading for a roasting!

Thanks so much for your views and experiences. Nice to know I'm not the only one with this hidden shame!

OP posts:

Myfanwyprice · 10/07/2014 23:21

I'm bracing myself to get rid of dd's dummy, she's also 4, I've bought a dummy fairy door from this website

www.enchanteddoorways.co.uk/page3.htm

And I'm thinking that over the summer the fairy will move in, dd will leave her dummy at the door and they'll be a my little pony in its place in the morning!

cashmiriana · 12/07/2014 19:23

Bribery and corruption rewards and lots of love is the way to go!

My DDs both still had theirs at night age 3 - no attachment issues so absolutely no obvious reason why they still had it, other than the fact they gained huge comfort from it and were both very sucky babies/ toddlers (bf to 2.7 and 2.10)

Once it was night time only we did massive rewards - charts, stickers, little rewards of toys, etc, and one bigger present from the dummy fairy! To my shame she left Barbie fridge magnets for one of them.

My sister presented her children with a special going to bed new soft toy when they gave up their dummies at night time to distract from the immediate distress.

It took a lot of cuddles, sitting on the floor holding hands, stroking cheeks, singing etc to distract my two but didn't affect their sleep or settling for very long. DD1 was content to be without hers within 2 nights. DD2 found it a bit harder (more like a week) , and announced 6 months later she wanted her dummies back, when she was poorly. We resisted. That was hard!

I wish you lots of luck! I know it's harder when little ones have additional needs, for whatever reason (my DN has health needs which made it tough on my DSis) but you'll get there...

Original poster

Devora · 12/07/2014 23:14

cashmiriana, thank you for your lovely comments. And Myfanwy - I love that dummy fairy door! I'm definitely going to get one.

OP posts:

OorWullie · 12/07/2014 23:20

DS was almost 4 when i managed to get rid of his dummy.

We bought a special "magic" box (shiny gift box) to leave it in at the bottom of the stairs. The dummy fair collected it and left him a lovely new toy to say thanks. He did ask for it a few times but I explaines how the dummy fairy takes all the big boy and girl dummiesnto give to the new little babies. Would that work?

As others have said, I wouldn't worry too much about it for now if it brings her comfort- my sister still had her dummy for bed time when she started school.

frames · 12/07/2014 23:22

Hi, dd was 5. Thumb went straight in. Even our very hot young dentist :-) can't persuade her with the stop or else its braces line.

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