DP worried how he will love our second child on its way

[mum2oliver]

We are due in March and my DP is really worried about how he will feel.He doesnt see how he can feel the same love for another child.
What can I say to reasure him.I sort of understand how he feels but Im not going to know how he is going to feel when the baby is born.What if he doesnt feel the same.He was a second child and he had an upbringing where he felt he could never live up to his brother.Can anyone advice?

I think it's hard - and it takes time

Our dd2 is 10 months and DH doesn't really have the feelings for her that he does for dd1

It will take time for the relationship to develop and grow

But it will come

Really?Im dead worried now.Lots of people have said to me that it all clicks when baby is born.I suppose thats just too simple isnt it!Thanx for being homest.

I felt the exact same when I was expecting DS2. It is amazing how the olve comes just the same

I think we found it easier with second. it wasn't quite such a shock so bonded quicker.

No it didn't click when the baby was born - not for either of us! But we didn't expect it to. I think for most people it takes time - it's fine to acknowledge that. You don't have to FEEL the right things, you just have to DO the right things. xxx

It took time for us to love our ds1 so will be the same I suppose.What exactly can I say to him though,like the exact words?

I would say something like "I've been talking to some of my friends and lots of them found it took a while to bond with the second like it did with the first, but that was quite normal ... some of them found it easier with the second though because it was less of a shock."

Maybe?

Sound fine.I will see how it goes.Im worried for him.

He will probably find it easier because he is a second child himself - he will have a good idea of how he/she feels.

I loved ds1 instantly - ds2 took time, because I was worrting about how ds1 would react so didn't spend every minute cuddling like I did with ds1. I love them both the same now, tbh I did within a few weeks.

Im convinced I will love this one much quicker as I understand and know much more now.I didnt have a clue what I was doing before.It was so hard and because of this alot of the first 3months were not that pleasant.ds1 had hidden reflux which was diagnosed almost when had gone.

When dd2 was born we seemed to fall in love with her instantly because she looked liked dd1 did as a newborn and dd2 immediately felt familiar to us.

Dh was quite smitten with the new baby but we did that classic split whereby I got left holidng the baby more as DH dealt with dd1. Actually, I didn't mind. He felt like he was dealing with the easier child when in fact I knew I had it easier dealing with a 2nd baby.

Around the 6 months mark I noticed that DH was enjoying dd2 loads more but the love was always there.

I didn't bond with DD2 until she was nearly 18 months old, every child is different and they all have different lovable characters. Hubs fell for number 2 the moment he lay eyes on her and that happened for me with number 3. You love them all the same but differently iyswim.

We are expecting our second, and my DP says it's precisely because he loves DS so much that he's not worried about how much he'll love the second: he says the first lot of love proves how much there is and how surprising that is as well. HTH