When will it get better?

[Yoghurtget]

At what stage will things get better with my baby? I was told it was 3 months but there doesn't seem to be much improvement. We've had mastitis, thrush, reactions to the medication for these, colic, recently diagnosed milk allergy. Just when we have had a few good days there is what I think is the 3 month growth spurt which has meant feeding every hour or so including at night. I am so down about it, she is also a Velcro baby- probably due to all the aforementioned things and us super reluctant to sleep. I am reluctant to go to mother and baby things as it seems other mothers are coping better/ have much easier babies. At one group the leader keeps giving me advice- more than anyone else which is embarrassing. Even family and friends have been commenting that she is a bit difficult and giving advice, which generally starts "mine slept through at 2 months and I did..." Or "mine always went down in the basket..." I know this is super moaning but I'd love some positive stories to spur me on.

Hi
I just had to reply as this was me with my oldest who is now 11 (yikes!). I have 3 DC and my first was by far the hardest work. I really feel for you. It's not helpful at all when people start off their advice giving like that. They are also probably exaggerating a little. I too hated being around others who seemed to be doing things better than me. I found the Baby Whisperer book very helpful and it helped me realise that all babies are different. My 'active' baby who cried a lot, wasn't great at naps or sleeping went on to be the first to roll over / crawl / and walk. I just don't think he liked being a baby!! I remember after one particularly bad night a mum unhelpfully told me that her baby had slept 12 hours. I was so upset but after quizzing her more I found out that she actually meant 12 hours sleep with 4 feeds during this time - eh?! I would choose carefully who you take advice from. Do you have a choice of mum & baby groups? I'm sure you could find some more genuinely helpful mums. Despite not sleeping through the night until he was 6 months, my son then became the best sleeper of them all with lovely long lie in's at the weekend whilst all the other mums whose babies slept through at an early stage were getting up at 5am at the weekend. The baby stage is such a short period of time. I know it doesn't feel like it right now but please try and relax & patiently sit it out! Things will get better I promise XXX

Either you are meeting people who want to put forward a good image, they feel the need to make out everything's marvellous, when actually they do struggle; or they may be glorying in an easy baby, only to find that later on with toddlerdom different challenges arise.

And regarding family and friends, I assure you that over time the gross memories fade and the pleasant, rose-tinted ones take over.

Now skip this bit of you want - My three bits of advice I wish someone had told me:
Just take it one day at a time.
Never turn down an offer of help which would actually give you a break.
If you have the energy tackle whatever else needs doing before you trot off to bed, otherwise typical that by next morning something goes haywire and you play catch up all that day.

I wish MN had been around when I first had my two, never be afraid to ask what might seem like a silly question, we are all new to this at some point.

It is really tough, but it will get easier.

If going to groups isn't helping you. Don't go. I didn't go until DD was more settled around 7 months.

The crucial thing here is to treat the underlying issue causing her unsettledleness - the milk allergy. What are you doing about it? Are you BF or FF?

are there any HV or MW groups near you? I did baby massage with the HV at my local sure start centre and found loads of lovely mums pulling their hair out. As its run by the HV team there is more support and less competitive parenting. I have friends who swear by BF support groups / baby café for the same reason. The milk allergy thing is a nightmare until you get into the swing of avoiding the stuff you realize triggers it. There is also a good church group near us that it stuffed with frazzled first time mums seeking moral support. You are definitely NOT alone

Disclaimer: am not an expert. I would say, carry on bf as long as you possibly can, presumably you're used to cutting out dairy in your own diet. Apart from the faff of sterilising bottles it takes a bit of research looking at milk replacements.

Tbh a growth spurt is always demanding - night time feeds, however frequent, are effortful whether you bf or not, as you end up having to change the nappies anyway.

Just thinking, (sorry if you do this already), carrying her around in a sling would help her feel confident and happy when she was ready to be on her own. And have you tried a baby swing, something with little lights that plays a tune, keeps her upright and entertained for a few minutes?

Thank you all it's good to know that others have been here before and it's not just me doing a terrible job! Thanks for the advise too, I will get the book and try some different groups, MN is also wonderful of course. I am bfing so it is just working out what contains milk - there have been some surprises. Cutting it out certainly made a difference in just a few days but then the growth spurt came and new challenges arose. One day at a time it is.

Yoghurt, I would recommend you are really strict with cutting out dairy. You should also try cutting out soya and egg to see if it makes a difference. Once the allergens, you will see a much settled and happier baby (but no cheating with intake - you have to be strict). I learnt the hard and long way.

A good friend of mine went through the same - bye bye cheese for a while. She was gutted

If you find it difficult not to eat dairy and other potential allergens, then your DD will be much better off with a hypoallergenic formula. As your DD has been diagnosed with CMPA, it wouldn't be fair on her to give her breast milk that has allergens in them.

Don't discount the formula option. Unless you are prepared to be dairy free (and possibly others too) for another year, then fine, don't introduce hypo formula. But if you are not, then best to introduce it now, as your baby is still small and might take it (at least do one feed a day). Most babies flatly refuse hypo formula at 6 months.

Regarding dairy free, i would say that it is very hard at first but then gets mucg easier very quickly
Bf is the best for an allergic baby as gentlest to digest and there is some research that points to bf babies having a greater chance of outgrowing cmpa than ff.
You do have to make sure you get enough calcium though - supplement probably.
Not disagreeing with pp, just adding that bf is totally possible and also that an unsettled baby will find bf comforting once allergens are out.