Routine gets in the way!

[cocopop]

Sorry this is a long one but please read on as I need advice!

My ds was a very demanding baby and I found him really difficult for the first few months. Thats why I decided to put him into a routine. It took a while but he gradually took to it and by about 6 months old he was in a set routine and life was a lot easier.

Now he's 17 months old and still has a routine although it's altered slightly. He eats at set times, naps from 1-3pm everyday, has a bath at 6.30pm and is always in bed for 7pm.

We moved to a new area at the start of the year because of dh's job. I'm just starting to feel like I'm settling in and making friends but the problem we have is that ds needs to stick to his routine otherwise he gets over-tired, hungry and irritable! People keep asking us round for the evening or to go out to our local families pub (non-smoking) and we keep having to say no or only one of us gets to go. Everyone elses kids seem to be running around at all hours of the evening or sleeping in their buggies and our new friends can't understand why our ds can't do the same. I did try taking him out once hoping that he would sleep in his bggy but he screamed the place down and I had to bring him home! I don't have anyone to babysit my ds so I'm stuck in almost every night with dh or on my own.

Does anyone have any experience of this or any advice? Thanks.

Actually I don't think your routine is getting in the way, I think your new friends have unrealistic ideas of what small ones should be up to.

I am not a routine person at all, but there is no way we would be out and about when ds is meant to be down for his night-time sleep (he is 15 months, btw). Sorry, but I think you will have adjust to going out one at a time, I would suggest booking more afternoon social events if you can.

I think a routine is good, and when kids don't have a routine they often end up cranky and ill behaved, which isn't fair on them or you. So I think it's worth it, it won't be long before you can adjust his daytime nap more as he gets older. Since having children what we have done is invite people round to our house, for snacks, evening meals, bbq's, cheese & wine, board games, makes life much easier.

Have you tried going round for the evening to someones house and putting your ds to bed there? Our kids do this quite a lot - same trouble, lack of babysitters. Even when they were quite small we did this, took our travel cot and went through the bedtime routine wherever we were, then settled down to enjoy the adult part of the evening. Then we would put them in the car adn take them home and they hardly ever woke up. All of our kids got used to sleeping where we put them, and now at 6. 4 and 2 are very flexible about travelling etc...
We werent big into routine, but did (and do!) have a bedtime one. But the place the routine is carried out in doesnt seem to matter to the kids.
Now that they are a bit older it is even more fun as it is like a sleepover.

we also found it tough with dd between the one nap phase and about 2.5years
Her bedtime was written in stone. We did not have a routine for her but to keep her up meant a week of ratty child.
she started to be a little more flexible just after she turned 2 - we went to a family wedding and she stayed up til about 10pm dancing, and next morning she slept in.
She also could manade some days without a nap, but had to be in bed super early on those days

Ds is like this too and tbh if your child needs it you are being a good parent by giving him what he needs. As Ds gets older he can miss the odd nap or have a late night but really only occasionally otherwise he is a nigthmare too. His favourite days consist of short (2-3 hrs max) trips out of the house, returning for naps and food whenever possible. If we try whole days out he generally finishes then being hyperactive or absolutely knackered. Also if he misses a nap or has a very short one while out for the day he need to be asleep by 6pm (sometimes 5.30pm) which has it's own difficulties.

Ds's routine does get in the way a bit but he has only recently at 21 months old given up his morning nap so I now feel free in comparison as being home twice a day for a nap as well as having an early bedtime is REALLY restricting. An early bedtime and one nap seems like freedom to me

The parents of those other children of a similar age running around late in the evening either:

1 Don't care if their child gets overtired/miserable/unhappy

2 Have children who need less sleep or are less routine dependent

3 Are there only as a special occasional outing and will deal with the consequences later.

You are very lucky to have such a 'good' baby! Invite people to your house for lunch or drinks, or get a baby sitter. Sorted!

what about setting up a babysitting circle if you don't have a babysitter but are starting to make friends you would trust to b'sit?
it can become a social thing in itself if you have regular meetings to keep in touch

I agree with eveyone else! Routine works and I have never taken my two out in the evening. I think your new friends must have really malleable children or not mind the consequences.
Like others here now my DS1 is 2.7 he will go without his pm nap on days out and DS2 is better at sleeping in his buggy for his- this does mean we can go out more for the day.
But I won't compromise in the evenings. Their sleep and my sanity depend on it.
In fact we have a family wedding soon and it will be the first time I have allowed DS1 to stay up past 7.30pm ever and even with that I am nervous about the consequences. DS2 will be packed off at the usual time - but he is a baby at 12m!

I went to a party on Sat with my 2 yr old (was staying at friend's house). It started at 6, althugh we were there all day and most of the kids were older. I relented to letting DS stay up a bit, but cracked and hauled him up for his bath at 8.15! (he is usually in bath at 7ish and asleep by 8) bless him, he was desperate to stay and play, but asleep within seconds of being put in his cot. I was astounded that there was another 2yo running round with a lollipop in hermouth at 11pm !!!! The mothers all thought i was mad, but meant i could chill out and enjoy the rest of teh evening (ie drink wine!) without fussing over a toddler

I think routine is great, we do often stay over at a friends and bath DS and put him to bed though and have been known on the odd summer evening, to do the whole routine but then put him in the buggy in his grobaga nd wheel him to ther pub garden, has always worked a treat!!!

cocopop, I agree with everyone else. My DS is exactly the same, in bed for 7 every night otherwise we have tears and over tired child. We have taken DS to friend's houses and done our bedtime routine there, that works well. We have a few times tried taking him out in the buggy in the evening - total disaster every time.

I think you are being a great parent, and letting your child have enough sleep - it's one of the most important things you can do IMO, as it's when they sleep that their brains develop and they assimilate everything they've seen and learnt during the day.

as DS gets older, it will get easier, and he will get more flexible on his bedtimes etc.

meant to add do lunch! As the first to have a child among our friends it is how we kept our social life going in the first yewar. Instead of going out on an evening, we would arrange to meet friends for Sunday Lunch, was always fun, lots of people to fuss over Ds and at 2 he is still great to take to pubs and restaurants. Funny thing is as most friends are still childless, they usually roll up at 1pm having just got up whereas we have done 2 loads of washing, done the shopping, been to the park, popped into town.....