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Original poster

What should I do.. DD been called Fat!

12 replies

Belshels · 03/07/2014 20:52

My dd who is 6 (year 1) came home today a bit upset and told me she wanted to tell me something.

A girl in her class who she has been playing with recently told her that her mother said that she thought my dd was fat.
I am furious as firstly I do not want her getting any negative remarks about her body.. Who know where it might lead in the future!! Also, my dd is very tall and athletic, like myself and her ex rugby
player daddy, and I would say slightly chunky, but not in any way chubby or wobbly on the bottom with a flat tummy. She's just a normal non skinny little girl.

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PumpkinPie2013 · 03/07/2014 20:55

Your poor dd I would go I'm and speak to the teacher. Tempting as it might be don't approach the other mum.

Original poster

Belshels · 03/07/2014 20:56

Anyway that's not the point, I don't think she should be saying these things ( even if she was actually overweight) as it can be so damaging to a child.
I don't know whether to write a note or email to this other mum? I'm worried it will cause bad feeling and be really awkward in the playground etc. I don't think I can do nothing I'm so cross...

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Original poster

Belshels · 03/07/2014 20:57

Sorry Pumpkin x post! I think I will speak to teacher but not sure I can let this mum off!

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ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 03/07/2014 20:57

Speak to teacher.

And are you sure she is just "chunky*, views on what a healthy weight should look like are very skewed.

Primadonnagirl · 03/07/2014 20:58

It's horrible but at some point every child gets called something..fat, skinny.four eyes etc. doesn't mean a thing about them it's just that whole Lord Of The Flies thing that kids unfortunately do so easily. Positive talk, hugs, grateful she could confide in you and telling her to ignore silly comments is all you can do.Bless her but it happens to us all..she will be fine and at least you can watch out for it now

Original poster

Belshels · 03/07/2014 21:02

Yes def not overweight just healthy. If I could show you a pic I would. I do understand though that a lot of people are in denial over weight issues. Anyway the point is I don't feel the mother should have said it! If it was just a 6 year old I wouldn't be too upset.

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BarbarianMum · 04/07/2014 11:37

With all due respect, you have no idea what the other mother said, if anything at all. She may have been talking about herself, someone else, the dog, or her dd may have made the whole thing up. Or your dd may have misunderstood, or added a bit or b/w the 2 of them they have had a cross purposes conversation.

Stick to what you do know (dd thinks x called her fat) and speak to the teacher.

MaryBennett · 04/07/2014 11:44

We all hear nasty stuff about ourselves at some time or another. It is up to you as a mum to give your daughter strength, self-belief and resilience. The insult was/is unpleasant and untrue so you are in a brilliant position to laugh it off and be 100% contemptuous of silly people's gossip. Hug your dd and tell her she is gorgeous. Praise her kindness, hard work, thoughtfulness, shiny hair, nice teeth... Whatever you want. And don't be tempted to tackle the other mum who has probably NOT said anything like that!

Nerf · 04/07/2014 11:53

What do you expect anyone to actually do? The most you can hope for is that the teacher talks to the other child about being unkind I think.

Other mum is perfectly entitled to say what she wants and if overheard and repeated the issue is with that (passing on unkind comments) . Chunky? It's possible you are in a bit of denial about her weight, what does your dd think?

tobysmum77 · 05/07/2014 07:19

tbh as the mother of a very slim dd it makes me when people call her skinny. Why is it ok to use such an unpleasant term freely for a skin child but for someone not to comment on a child who is overweight? Fat is also a vile term.

That said interestingly some lovely boy in her class called dd fat a few weeks ago. So perhaps because dd is on the chunkier side you are overthinking it? I just told her he was wrong, she isn't fat/ overweight/ horrible thing to call someone and it hasn't been mentioned since.

tobysmum77 · 05/07/2014 07:20

slim child not skin omg me too

Heyho111 · 05/07/2014 08:26

The thing to remember is you don't know what was actually said. The mum could have said that she was big etc meaning tall and athletic but her 6yr old diluted it to fat. Kids of that age do that you get from them a simplified not as accurate relating of it.
I would brush it under the carpet unless it's said again. The problem is we are up against our mummy protective instinct. If you chat to the mum any time you could turn the conversation to who your children look like. Eg doesn't your daughter look just like you- not just her face . Her body shape, the way she moves. Then say Mabel is so me. Tall, athletic, well built. I've pictures of me when I was little and we're identical. I was never wafer thin I was muscular like Mabel. Not great for floaty dresses but excellent for sports.
What your doing here is telling her with out being direct or confrontational. You will also change her way of seeing your daughter subtly.
Good luck.

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