How do you instill boundaries & general good manners?

[Jemster]

I feel like I'm losing control over things in this house. The place is a constant tip, every room is littered with 'stuff'. Ds 6 bedroom a tip, he just drops his clothes on the floor despite me asking him so many times to at least put the dirty ones in washing basket. He just drops things downstairs or steps over things. We've asked him to start taking his plate or bowl to the kitchen after meals but he never does it.
I work until 1.00pm each day and came home today to find the cereal bowls still on the table, half eaten.
Why won't he listen to what we're asking him to do and what can we do about it?
When I was his age I had to help dry the dishes every night or lay the table. If I ask him to do anything he either ignores me or huffs & puffs. I'm getting pretty fed up with doing every bloody thing around here!
Any advice please..

I think 6 is quite early to be expecting him to be doing too much beyond a few chores to be honest. Do you have a DP too?

We used to give DS pocket money if he laid the table every evening. Worked well from four to six years old. Then he announced he didn't need pocket money any more so could he stop the table laying (cheeky sod!). He has now asked for it to be reinstated as he wants things and is seven years old. So we have now added stripping the bed and making sure his room has a visable carpet on Saturday mornings as I am sick of breaking my neck in his room having tidied, wiped down and hoovered every few days only to have a bomb explode in it when he gets home from school!

The thing that works with DS is making tidying a bit of fun. If he leaves everything lying about (and I don't just mean a few toys, I mean you can't see the carpet) he is told it is a race to clear up between me and him. Turn it into a game. He thinks it is great especially as he always seems to win...funny that eh?

When that fails, and it does sometimes, I have told him anything left on the floor when DH takes him up for his bath is going in the bin as that is when I hoover after dinner and I am not picking up yet again. Then I get a bin liner, fill it with the stuff and put it in the garage...he usually asks where the toys are and my reply is in a bin liner waiting to go next to the bin. But he can have it back if they go in the toy box etc tonight. Oddly enough he gets that done in double quick time. I probably have to do that twice a year at most. Rest of the time I threaten, he ignores, I get the bin liner out and the toys miraculously get tidied away!

Consistency. And not being afraid to be the bad ones. And many, many reminders.

If we say something, we'll do it (at least mostly), so telling him that not cleaning the living room up = thrown-away toys means that he cleans up.

The clothes in the washing basket, well, we're working on that, we ask him and he'll do it but he genuinely forgets if left to himself. On this issue, reminders are better.

If he doesn't take his bowl through to the kitchen he goes on the stairs (though we do have to remind him to do it, but that's ok; once reminded he does it).

Laying the table - if he doesn't help, he doesnt get dessert. By the third day without dessert, he's ok about laying it. We did say once that if he didn't pitch in and do his part of the work, he'd not be able to eat. Rather glad we weren't called on that one you have to carry threats through but I'd have hated to send him to bed hungry. Not sure what we'd have done!

He's quite a cooperative child though. Not sure what we'd do with a rebel!

Consistency.

Don't make any threats you're not prepared to follow through on.

Remember you're in charge...and be in charge.

Positive language - this is an issue for us, as DS has trouble sitting still at mealtimes - it's better to say "four (legs) on the floor" rather than "stop swinging on your chair. He has finally stopped swinging after a few weeks of that. We're now working on "seat on the seat" (aka stop getting off your chair), "face your food" (aka stop swivelling round on your chair), "food is for eating" (aka stop messing with your food) and even a tentative "use your cutlery" (aka for the love of all that is good would you stop eating everything with your fingers!).

Consistency and endless repetition!

In our house, bedtime story time ends at 8pm. The longer they spend faffing, the fewer stories they get. Teeth have to be brushed, dirty clothes in dirty clothes basket, and a toy-free route from door to bed!

It's a long road ....