When to teach ds about abuse, and how?

[LittleLionMansMummy]

My world has been turned upside down since finding out yesterday that a colleague I've known for 10 years has been raping his daughter for years. Nobody saw it coming and it's really made me question my trust in others. I can't get it out of my head, it was the last thing I thought possible.

It's made me realise that however much trust you put in others, abusers don't walk around with a flashing neon sign and it can literally be anyone. It's shaken my belief in humanity to the core. I now question my ability to keep my ds safe. He's 3.5yo.

So when and how do I go about teaching him about what is inappropriate? Abuse takes place in such an insidious way that I have no idea how to teach him to differentiate and tell me, no matter what he thinks the consequences will be. He's so little still and it's probably too soon to start but I want to protect him. He goes to nursery and the cm and until yesterday I trusted both. Now I'm questioning everyone and everything I know.

Never force him to kiss anyone he doesn't want to kiss.

Encourage him to feel he can tell you anything and be believed, unless proved otherwise.

To never go off with anyone without first coming and asking for your permission.

I think sexual predators target insecure children.

Unfortunately most sexual abuse happens in families and, unless you know anything dodgy about your or your dh's family, you would only be doing your son unnecessary harm by keeping him away from them or encouraging him not to trust them.

The NSPCC have a good campaign to do with pants, if you go on their website you'll be able to find it. It's probably aimed at slightly older kids but the general gist is that what's in their pants is private and that there are good secrets and bad secrets. I'm probably not explaining it very well but I have talked about it with my 4 year old in a modified way.

Women's aid have an excellent programme called "helping hands". It's about recognising those "uh oh" feelings that we get and knowing what to do if you get them.

Women's aid wouldsay that the "covered by a swimsuit" rule is unreliable as these people groom for a long time so by the time those areas are reached it could well be too late! Children need to be taught to recognise the warning signs well before that stage.