DD bored/depressed over summer

[CuppaHorlix]

Hi all,

My 22y/o DD has come home from uni for the summer. She had a gap year and is doing a 4 year degree so still has one year left. She was planning to stay at uni (about 1.5 hours away) over summer since she has a job working in a pub 2/3 nights a week, but all of her friends had gone home for summer so she found she was very bored and lonely so came back home about 10 days ago and doesn't start back until the end of september.
Her and I just got back from a lovely week in Italy which I think did her good as she's had a funny couple of years and is prone to get very down (long story but she is actually seeing an endocronoligst soon as signs are pointing to a hormone imbalance) but she hasn't quite been "herself" since about 2011 so we do worry a bit.

Since she's been home she has actually been very happy. DS (24 and still at home) and her get on very well so I think she's enjoyed being back so far but I can see her getting a bit low again. Her school was tiny, just 19 people in her whole year group. When they all started uni she kept in touch with her close group of 6 but now 2 of them live abroad, 1 lives about 300 miles away with her boyfriend, 1 is staying in her uni town over summer, and the other does live close but there's only so much time they can spend together IUSWIM. Other than those 5 she really doesn't have many close friends. There are people she will see once or twice a month for a birthday or a night out but not many people she'd meet up with in the day.

She has been hunting for a job and gave her CV in to a few places before we went on holiday. Only one shop has gotten back to her and she has an interview on Friday, so at least that will get her out of the house for a few hours a week. She was upset as she gained a bit of weight at uni so said she was going to work on that over summer and she is going to the gym and says she plans to go 3/4 times a week which is great. I haven't commented on her weight at all but I know it's getting her down so I know going to the gym is doing her good but she is eating a lot when she's home all day by herself out of boredom. I haven't said anything but I am noticing food missing etc. I can see how upset she is over gaining weight at uni so don't want this to end up a viscous cycle.. I know about that all too well!

I know she just needs to find something to do and get out of the house more but we can't think what. She has her dissertation due in November so she will be working on that at the local library but again that will only be 2/3 hours a day 3 or 4 days a week. She would take herself off on a walk or a bike ride but has anyone else been in a similar situation with a DC and have any suggestions? From August I will be working 3 days a week instead of 5 so we will definitely plan things to do for those 2 extra days. She is naturally a bit of a homebody but she would see people more if they hadn't all moved away and I know she regrets a bit now not widening her friendship circle when she was at school. Also a lot of people she was friends with graduated either last year or the year before so they very much are onto that "next stage" now and have all seemed to drift apart. other than the couple of hours a day she's out at the gym or fingers crossed will be at work, I can see this being a very long, lonely, bored summer!

Where are here uni friends? are any based near you? or might like to come and stay for a change of scene?

I did quite a bit of backpacking in my uni holidays, with either school or uni friends. However I appreciate this depends on funds - but many countries can be travelled pretty cheaply if she's prepared to rough it a bit. Would really help her independence and confidence I think.

Her nearest uni friend is about 80 miles away. Again she doesn't have a huge circle of uni friends, only a few very close friends and 3 are in the UK on exchange so go back home over summer.

Travelling isn't really an option. Her funds are very low after spending her 2nd year in Australia and travelling around. She is planning on travelling next summer but part of the reason she came home rather than stay at uni for summer was lack of money. She was only getting 2/3 shifts a week at the pub so wasn't managing to save much at all.

Ah ok. I guess if she's travelled last year and is planning to travel next summer then one boring summer may be the flip side of that.

If she can find more work, that could allow more travel (and as you say, would keep her occupied in itself and possibly be a way to meet others as well as being good for future CV) so I'd say that's where to focus. If she has pub experience that means she could do a similar job near you and might meet some other young uns that way - has she applied to nearby bars and pubs (guess she probably has?)

I am trying to remember what I did when not travelling. Wasted a lot of time probably. Wish I'd done more exercise so agree with encouraging that!

thanks mimipie. it is tough as I can see her falling into a depression again. DH doesn't help really. He doesn't give her enough credit. He annoyed her tonight by telling her she should apply to the local pubs (we have 4 within walking distance). As if she hasn't already done so. She said she will move back to uni for the summer but I can't see how that will help. If anything I think it will make things worse as she will be completely alone there. At least here she is with the family.

And yes she has applied to all the local pubs. Doesn't help that she doesn't have a car at the moment but she has applied to all the ones within walking distance and a few that she could get to by bus but no luck. Hopefully the interview for the shop will go well. She is also looking into volunteering.

Could you give her a project to do at home? I decorated my bedroom one summer; found it challenging, but loved getting to choose everything.

My uni friends all lived at the far end of the country, my home friends had all moved on. I never liked summer holidays when I was in primary school either.

If she can't get paid work, how about volunteering? I found work was the best thing to get me through.

Tbh, in hindsight, part of my uni experience was about me learning to spend time on my own. I was terrible at it, but now I'm very good at happily wasting time, productively or otherwise!

I'd suggest volunteering at a charity 2-3 days a week - maybe a charity retail shop, or an animal charity if she's keen on animals? I work for a charity and can PM you some details if it helps

Voluntary work in her degree field?

this site's good

Thanks for the suggestions everyone. Jaffakake that's exactly her situation. She was desperate to take a gap year and then go on exchange for a year but the downside is all of her friends have moved on now. She is pretty good at spending time alone. She took herself off to London yesterday and went to a couple of exhibitions. I can just see her getting very low if it's every day alone!

Queazy and Bobulate I think this is what she will do. Yesterday she found a company who hire people to help out over summer in fates. She is also looking into applying for bank work. Her degree is Anthropology so there's not much she can really do in that field but it seems volunteer work is definitely the best route to head down.