Miss my boy so much

[rainbowshine1]

My 11 yr old lives with dad. I miss him so much :(
I miss knowin his daily routine, how hes been at school. How hes feeling, I miss his cuddles, his cheeky jokes, his back chat. Hes my first born amd ive been without him now since Aug.
Hes been alienated and bought by his dad. I cant ring him cause ive been told the phones in dads name and he'll do me for harassment. When we mesage through other ways hes short with me, one word answers etc. I tell him everyday I love him amd wish him a good day, after school I try and engage him in conversation but it never seems to happen.
I've tried to be so strong this whole time but its getting harder, not easier. I know he blames me for our split.

Rainbow that's really upsetting im, sorry your going through this

I don't have much advise but I didn't want to read and run

Do you think his dad is having an influence on his behaviour towards you? What I mean is was it your choice to split up and his dad is blaming you?
Do you get to see him on a regular basis

He does have a massive influence
There's loads goin on at the mo, court and stuff. I don't see him at all. I ask him all the time if he wants to come but he just says no. Dad tells him things he shouldn't know at his age and social services are involved. I know it's going to come to an end soon but I'm worried we'll never get back what we once had.
I was considering asking social services if they could refer us for counselling? Do you think it's worth a shot?

I think anything is worth a shot to get your relationship back on track

His dad is being really unfair to tell him things that he shouldn't or doesn't need to know. It sounds like he is trying to get back at you for the split, and he has the one thing that will get to you the most, your boy

Do you have much RL support, family and friends you can talk to about all this?

I come from a horribly broken family where none of us spoke about our feelings. Looking back, I don't think a counsellor could have helped fixed anything, but may have helped me and my siblings going into adolescence with all sorts of confused feelings. For the sake of your relationship with your son, it can't hurt to speak to a professional. Good luck and stay strong.

Oh love I am so sorry.

Keep doing what you're doing. Be a constant loving presence, don't waiver. It will come good I'm the end, but will likely take patience patience patience

My brother was in a similar situation except it was my Mum trying to turn him against my Dad. I would say just don't give up. How often do you get to see your son? My Dad never missed a weekend visit with my brother and did everything he could for him. In the end my brother ended up going to live with him. Even if you aren't getting much back from your son at the moment I think it is important to carry on reaching out to him as much as you can.

I dont see him. he never wants to come and see me or him and dad are always doing something together (never used to do anything when we were together!) He buys him all the latest gadgets. Once he slept and was supposed to sleep at Grandmas, he rang to let him know but no answer so text him and then rang grandma to let her know, next day he went home and got told "if you wanna see your mum go f*ckin live with her" he was heartbroken. he loses spending money and is scared to death he'll have his iphone taken from him if he comes to me (very material driven). I last saw him bank holiday at the start of May.

I give up tonight. He's just told me to "shut the f&ck up" called me a selfish bitch and said if I don't give him 75 quid for his birthday then to shove it. In all honesty, what would people do? Carry on? Give up? He thinks it's a game doesn't he? He's using the fact we are separated to gain. Or is that silly from someone his age?

You've got a lot to deal with, and it sounds like your boy has got a lot to deal with too. You can't give up on him, keep fighting for him.
What's going on with the courts? Have you got long to wait?

Are you getting any support from social services? Do you get to spend any regular time with him?

No regular time at all....court in sept once they have the section 7 report and sw is a complete nightmare to get hold of, although I do really like her and we get on, I appreciate they are really busy too and my issues prob mean nothing to her, Im just another frantic mum I guess.
I'll keep at it, its all I can do I guess. Its just so disheartening.

My ds lives with his father, I do have him regularly though (at least twice a week). However I know exactly how you feel. If you'd like to talk please feel free to pm me anytime x

Please don't give up. It sounds really similar to what my brother went through and it took years of persistence on my Dad's part for my brother to realise what was really going on. His father sounds like an awful person so he needs you more than ever. At one point he will realise what his father is doing. Is there no way you can get some regular time before September? How was your relationship with your son before he went to live with his Dad?

It was fab. He was so good. We have 3 children 2 live with me, he stayed because ex sent us all a text threatening suicide, DS received it too. He was always the most well behaved, the one most likely to give you a massive cuddle when you felt shit. Now its like I don't even know who he is. In short, he's his dad. I've spoke to SW today and she's agreed counselling would be a fantastic idea for us. Fingers crossed :)

he'll come back to you when hes older. As long as he knows he can.