DS being teased at school

[RhinestoneCowgirl]

He is in y3 and will be 8 in the summer.

He is being teased by one particular girl who is in his work group so sits on the same table. It's low level mean-ness from the sounds of it, making fun of him not being able to answer a question, his hair, her most recent addition to the insults is that he's 'sooo gay' (and I know the school have been doing a lot recently about using homophobic language). This week she's been sniping at him for not inviting her to his birthday treat

I have spoken to DS's teacher and she has 'had a word' several times with the girl. The girl seems to quieten down after this and then it ramps up again.

I've been giving DS chance to talk about it, have been giving him plenty of hugs, advised him to ignore where possible and tell the teacher if it gets bad.

Is there anything else I can do about this or does he just have to put up with it? Any advice would be welcome, it's making him , and me too.

Keep telling the teacher (both you and DS). She (teacher) may think it's all been dealt with successfully if you don't let her know.

I'd speak to the teacher too. Its getting towards the end of term and you want to see it done and dusted, so that it doesn't prey on his minbd over the hols.

DS isn't much older and apparently all girs are 'bossy, rude and nasty'.

Thanks jimmy, yes I will keep doing that. She did mention to me after school today that DS had been quiet this afternoon, but didn't want to tell her what was wrong.

Tell her and keep telling her. She has more power than you in this situation to stop it. And she can alert the teacher for Y4 to the dynamics between your son and this girl. I taught year 3 and you've reminded me of a lovely boy who was in a similar situation but with another boy. I needed the mum to keep me in the loop as the son wouldn't open up to me when I asked (shy and didn't want to cause a fuss). The teacher can and should take matters further - even a simple table move can stop this.

Yes, DS is thoughtful boy and I don't think he always wants to tell the teacher, because it's getting someone else 'in trouble'. But he's talking to me about it, so I can tell.

I like DS's teacher this year, she seems to have the measure of her class.

Keep telling the teacher but give him ideas how to handle it. She continues as she can see it bothers him. Brilliant way to deal with it is to agree with the teaser. They have know where to go then and they look silly.
Your sooo gay - thanks for pointing that out, at least I won't have to kiss you.
Your stupid for not knowing the answer - thank you for telling me. I wish I had your brain and personality.
Your hair looks silly - so it does. What would I do without you pointing it out.
She is doing it because she lacks in confidence or is being teased herself. There's a book called meanies , teasers and other bully's (something like that). You can get it on amazon. It's really good. Explains why they do it and give stratagies that work to stop it. Read it to your son. When they understand why they do it makes them stronger to deal with it.

How to Handle Bullies, Teasers, and Other Meanies: A Book That Takes the Nuisance Out of Name Calling and Other Nonsense
Found it.

Thanks heyho I've ordered it on Amazon.

Didn't get chance to talk to his teacher this morning as there was a supply teacher in but will do on Monday.

Please keep talking to the teacher. DS is in year 5 and finally this year his bully was transferred to a pupil referral unit.

I spoke to the class teacher today, she's going to refer up to Deputy Head to have a word with the girl, so hopefully this might have some effect.

AuditAngel sounds like you've had a tough time

This is exactly what happened to me. Same ages and genders and same insults.

After three meetings with the school and no change (they never involved the girls parents) I kept him off school for 9 days and wrote to the head saying they were failing in their duty of care and I wouldn't be sending him in until they addressed it.
The head wrote back saying they would move him to be with his friends in another class and he has gone back t

Sorry, today. I take name calling really seriously because being ridiculed can be really damaging. I'm sorry you are going through this.. I think it's really important that he knows you are going to sort it. And that you are on his side. I made sure to explain to my son that the reason she was cruel to him was about her, not about him.

God isn't school rotten! I remember stuff like this.

If it were me I would tell my son he was fine, doing all the right things, and that she was a sad girl and that sometimes sad people are mean.

It's good you've complained to the teacher but you could also ask them to do something affirmative. It might mean an awful lot to him if teacher did something nice like invited him to stay for a choccy biscuit and drink after school and had friendly chat about how well he was doing and that the other girl was a bully and they were trying to stop her. It might make him feel protected, and vindicated.

Blimey rose, yes that would be very nice indeed but I think that's only something that happens in books!

If I asked the class teacher to use her free time to drink hot chocolate with my son I'm sure she would gawp at me!

Really? My kids aren't at school yet but I'm disappointed by that.

It's sad isn't it? You might get the odd one but I'm on my third primary school and haven't ever felt it was something I could ask

Michael Gove obviously doing a great job

I think DS's teacher is great, and DS seems to really like/respect her too, don't know if she has spoken to the other child's parents.

Asked DS how today had been and he was much happier, so that's good

And rosepetalsoup, I think the real issue is that this girl thinks that she and DS are friends, but she has no idea how to interact.

I make sure that I tell DS that we love him, that he has good friends, and that it's not important what this girl thinks.

This happened to my friend's DS and was solved by moving the girl to a different seat.

I had something similar when my ds was 6 (he's so called friend hitting him when teacher wasn't looking) I wrote a letter to teacher explaining what had been happening. 2 weeks later I went in to see teacher to ask why I hadn't had a response. " sorry I've been to busy with the Xmas preparations".

I took it straight to the head after that and it was dealt with.

I think this needs to be escalated to the Head. It is bullying behaviour and needs a more robust response, possibly getting the child's parents in.

If the child needs help with her social skills then raising it as an issue should help her too, but primarily, your son should not have to continue to suffer.

The book is Bullies Bigmouths and So-Called Friends

But I don't think the onus should be on him to deal with her at this point.

Ask what else they can do to sort her out, and if the book helped him understand/have more confidence, that is all well and good