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HELP!!!!

3 replies

Honey1378 · 26/06/2014 13:41

About 3 months ago our 10 year old walked in to our bedroom whilst we were in the throes of passion!!! We were very shocked and quickly tried to diffuse the situation.. She was very upset, demanded to know what we were doing. I stammered something about not feeling very well and after her dad had managed to quickly get dressed whilst I calmed her down... I took her downstairs for some water and to calm her down. The problem we now have is that she hates us cuddling or showing any kind of affection... She monitors us and I sometimes catch her hovering outside our bedroom and makes excuses to go to the toilet and as excuse to check up on us. I thought she would 'get over it' but her overall attitude is starting to worry me. I've tried to explain that her parents love each other and it's normal and we were not doing anything wrong. She said she 'doesn't trust' us and it made her feel angry and weird. Me and my hubby have resorted to making love in the mornings after the children have gone to school, and before he goes to work. This is rare as I work too and I am so afraid to do anything in bed at night even if the door is closed. My fear is that she will start banging on the door! She's complained about not being able to sleep and I am worried sick that We've given her major issues. What should I do??? She has an older brother and younger brother, and looks younger than 10.... She is very innocent and I just don't know what to do! Do I take her to a child psychologist or will she forget or grow out of these issues?
I guess I feel that we're the only couple that this has happened to and any help or advice will be really appreciated.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
KatyN · 26/06/2014 18:25

I'm pretty sure I walked in on my folks when I was around 10. They told me they were having a cuddle.

I think she might need a talk about love and passion. Angry and weird aren't words to association with shenanigans whether she's 10 or not.

K

LastingLight · 26/06/2014 18:38

How much does she know about sex? She needs to understand that it is one of the ways in which adults who love each other and are in a relationship show their love. She also needs to understand that it is private and that you have the right to do it whether she likes it or not. Acknowledge that coming across your parents having sex is an experience that might leave you feeling angry and confused. Tell her that she is young and will understand better as she get older. But whatever you do, try not to make a big deal out of it. If you have a cuddle and she objects, just calmly reiterate that you are adults who love each other and may kiss and hug each other. Sometimes go into your room and shut the door. If she makes a fuss about it calmly tell her you are having private adult time and will talk to her when you come out. If she doesn't back off, invoke some previously agreed to consequence. She needs to understand other people's right to privacy. I would give it another couple of months and if it's still a problem, then see a counsellor.

Honey1378 · 26/06/2014 19:54

Thanks for all the replies. She's learning about changes, love and relationships at school and I have given her the basic chat. I do remember seeing my mum and dad and it making me feel quite sick!! But I was 14 and knew all about sex and it was just cringe worthy because they were my parents and no one likes to think of their parents 'at it' whatever age they get to. I'm just hoping she will get over it... Any other advice would be appreciated and to know we are not the only ones

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