Venting! About no help with DS

[Alwayswiththechords]

Just need to vent really... Our DS is nearly 1 year old now and in all that time we've had 2 evenings away from him. When we decided to have a child, we knew it would be tough to be a parent and we'd mostly be coping alone with only occasional help from our friends and families as both sets of grandparents live abroad. What we didn't know was that before our DS was born my SIL who lived close to use, would move abroad as well, or that none of our friends would actually ever come and visit us let alone offer to help with anything. Or that due to various issues (health problems/financial priorities/stress) neither set of grandparents are able/willing to help with looking after DS when we visit them. Normally we cope ok, but tonight we've both been really stressed and I'm feeling just a bit bitter. Thanks for letting me vent. I feel better already.

That's not bad going. Our oldest is four and we have yet to have a night away from the children. It's easy to become resentful of others who get regular breaks. I most definately do, but then I realise it's not a break from the kids I want, it's a break from the daily mundane.

We are in the same boat. Our DS is now 2 and a half and we have had 3 trips out without him. 2 dinners and a trip to the cinema. My parents are elderly and reluctant and DS' dad isn't very local. I expected my sister to be more helpful than she is which I'm quite bitter about. It's made having a child so much harder than it could have been and has put a strain on our relationship as we can only ever be parents and hardly ever a couple.

Daft question, I'm sure you've thought of it, but what about finding a good regular babysitter for nights out?

Can you sit up with a Baby sitting agency?

We moved a lot with the MOD, and I used to find it stressful when my husband was away for months and I was juggling work, nursery pick ups and long nights in alone with no family and no time to make friends.

I signed up to an agency so that when my husband returned we could at least have an evening out together or attend a mess dinner and have a few drinks. They were all child minding professionals and very good with my DS.

Unfortunately as you've rightly said in your post, it is your child and no one else's responsibility, but there are other options outside of family and friends to try and get a bit of adult time!

Thank you all, I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one feeling this way sometimes! We've used babysitters before (the 2 times when we were away from DS) and it's something we will definitely do on a regular basis after I find a job.

Same here! My dc's are 5.5y and 20 months. We have no family nearby. I suggest registering with a good childcare agency like sitters.co.uk or finding a babysitter that locals recommend so that you can have the odd night out as a couple. Inbetween those times, plan evenings when you can go off and do something while hubby babysits, and vice versa. Dh and I take turns to go running or to the gym. It's hard when you first start using a babysitter that your child doesn't know, but a company like sitters.co.uk will allow you to rank your favourite sitters and they will always try to get one of them to babysit for you where possible, so your child starts to get used to familiar faces. Some people are fortunate enough to have relatives nearby who are happy to help out a lot, some of us don't get any help - that's life I'm afraid and feeling resentful doesn't help, you have to be proactive about working out alternative solutions.