At my wits end - i just can't seem to get this parenting thing right!

[Jemster]

I have a dd who is 2 and ds who is 6. DD is utterly exhausting, she demands attention constantly and if she doesn't get she whines at the top of her voice!
As a result DS is getting very little attention and I hate to say it spends far too much time playing games on the ipad or watching tv. It's not how I want it to be at all but I'm either trying to pacify dd, tend to her demands or make tea, tidy up, do washing etc.
They are also arguing all the time. If one has something the other wants it, dd shouts at ds and ds winds her up!! They have different needs as there is a 4 year gap between them so I'm finding it impossible to find things to do they are both happy with.

I work five days a week until 1.00pm so try and cram all the house stuff in to the afternoons which I feel so bad about as I don't feel I actually give them any really nice quality time.

To be honest I'm at my wits end with it all. I'm permanently stressed, dashing from one place to another and my heart often races.
I went part time so I could be with my dc in the aftenoons, pick up from school etc but often I think why do I bother, it's hellish and everyone seems miserable!

Please can anyone help or suggest something to improve things?

God, it sounds hectic OP. Seems as if you're trying to do so many things at once that you aren't really able to do anything as well as you'd like.

In terms of the house stuff is there any way you could stretch to getting someone in to help a bit? To hoover/do the bathrooms/tackle the ironing once a week? Have you got an OH- could he help a bit more with the housework or even take the kids off your hands for a few hours over weekend so you can do some batch cooking so meals midweek would be less of a faff? Maybe some one to one time with your DS too- could OH or another family member/great-friend-who-loves-toddlers look after DD the odd evening so you and DS can hang out?

Hopefully someone with more parenting experience will be along shortly to advise on the DD/DS dynamic. It sounds like you're getting burnt out- especially if you're getting palpitations. Don't forget to look after yourself too x

Thank you, dh is pretty good he will take them out at weekends for a bit so I can get some stuff done.
It's mainly the hours after school until bedtime that are difficult. My ds tried to make a den out of chairs & blankets yesterday and dd kept on wrecking it. Ds was so upset, no wonder he likes the ipad, it's less stressful!
I do feel like I am not looking after myself properly and that I'm just run ragged!