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getting your toddler to help with your newborn - when does it become asking too much of them?

2 replies

flipflopsonfifthavenue · 23/06/2014 13:36

I'm 20wks pg with DC2 and DS will be 2.4yo when the baby is born.

Reading lots of threads on here about coping in those early weeks/months, and dealing with the guilt etc of inevitably having less time/patience/energy to dedicate to your toddler.

I was talking to my parents when my brother had his second child, and they were saying that one trap you have to try not to fall into, is expecting the older child to act older than his or her age, and expecting more from them than you normally would if you weren't busy/tired/exhausted etc with your newborn.

Lots of people on here make very good suggestions on how to cope with two, and lots are linked to getting the toddler involved from the start and getting them to help e.g. bringing nappies, passing wet wipes, putting stuff in the bin for you etc.

I think this is a good idea, and I know that at the moment DS LOVES doing little jobs for me - mainly I get him to do it as if I try to do ANYTHING for him, he shouts NO MUMMY!! - so I think this would work really well for us.

I wonder though, where's the line between getting them to help you, and expecting them to just do things for you because its easier for you that way? I wouldn't want it to descend into me bossing DS around and getting him to help when he's just a baby himself and should be busy playing etc or whatever he wants to do.

I realise that there is no black and white answer to this and depends on lots of things, and am sure that when it comes to it I'll get a sense of when DS has stopped enjoying helping out - just curious for any insider intelligence!!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Gen35 · 23/06/2014 14:32

I'm wondering about this too - I decided my line is whether dd is doing it enthusiastically or not. If she looks bothered or not enjoying herself I'll dial back on it. I also think planning time for you to just focus on dc1 for an hour here or there is key too. Interested to hear other responses!

MrsSpencerReid · 23/06/2014 14:37

My two are 20m apart, now baby is 6m ds1 seems to have learnt what baby needs, if he cries he will give him his dummy or come and find me to tell me "baby crying hungry" he is usually happy to pass nappies wipes etc but if he doesn't want to he usually says "mummy do it" I don't push it and I try to think of it as a bonus if he helps out!! Good luck Grin

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