Best way to deal with 3 year old who cries a lot?

[NicolaJane2011]

My DS has just turned 3 and despite being wonderful in lots of ways be has days where he is reluctant to do much and gets into a pattern of whinging and crying. He is a gentle soul and is sensitive. Sometimes when we visit friends or have visitors or go to play group he is really unhappy. It can start first thing in the morning where even the suggestion of going to the toilet or getting dressed can set him off. Trying to get him organised for going out is sometimes exhausting. When he is in a good mood he is chatty, smiley and affectionate and an absolute joy to be around. I gave birth to DD last August and understand the last year has been a huge adjustment but he is mostly loving to his sister. Sometimes I feel he just needs a hug and to be told not to worry. This works sometimes but I just feel worried at the frequency of these emotional outbursts that seem to take over. He starts nursery in August so I'm hoping that might help to have something new to focus on. I rarely loose my patience with him, I mainly feel sad about it and need some advice on how to respond to him.

DS gets like this at times, usually it's when he's hungry or not had enough sleep but at other times when he feels aggrieved about something he won't move on until it's been addressed.

Rather than asking what is wrong and me talking at him I try to help him articulate his feelings, so the conversation may go like this.

Me: DS I can see that you are sad. (Sometimes I get it right first time, sometimes not!)

DS: No, I'm not sad

Me: Oh, ok then that's a very cross face

DS: Yes it is.

Me: Oh. (Acknowledging that you have heard him but giving him the chance to talk more about his feelings)

DS: I'm very cross. (He then usually goes on on detail then about what has made him cross. I try not to talk too much until he's got everything out & then we try to work out how we can make him feel better.)

At times my DS, now 4, used to get very angry & this has really helped- dealing with the feelings first then the issue that has caused that feeling rather than the other way round.

Hope things improve for you.

It's very easy to forget,when you've had a new baby, how very young the 'older' dc is! he's only just 3! include him in everything with the baby let him help and feel like a 'big' boy. Always be very fair if you can so he doesn't feel left out.

I speak as an exCM\nanny and EY teacher also M of 3.

Thank you for the advice. I think food could certainly be playing a part in this. He is a very poor eater at the moment and I do notice a difference in his mood when he has eaten well.t to make a big issue of his fussiness and I've heard people say he'll eat when he's hungry but he actually doesn't.
I spend so much of each day trying not to make him feel left out. Then I feel guilty for not giving enough attention to the baby. There is a tendency to see the eldest as more grown up than they are but I do try to be aware of this. Maybe I get so caught up in the stress of the bad days and expect too much. He gets a lot of love and reassurance and we are very close but I will make an extra effort to remember how little he is. I think hearing different options just gives you some perspective. It's hard to know what changes to make when things get stressful, so thanks.

Just give him a cuddle if that is what he needs.

My DM used to say that the baby won't notice being ignored for a bit (he certainly won't remember it!) BUT the older dc will remember and will feel it much more!

try making eating into a game too.My mindees used to love the goldilocks breakfast! We acted it out.

You can help him make a funny face with pieces of fruit or get him to do it while you watch IFYSWIM so he doesn't cut himself when using a knife. I got all mine 'cooking' at 2

3 is still very little and they're coming to terms with growing up and have lots of worries that they're still not able to identify. Sad and angry are easy to explain but worried is another matter. Ds is 3.5 and is also very sensitive and will have days when the slightest thing sets him off. I acknowledge his feelings and help him explain and give him lots of cuddles and have to dig deep to be even more patient than usual!

My chap is 2.5 and needs days when he doesn't go out or see anyone. Just a regroup at home with his toys on his own.

He goes to nursery one day a week and is fine, but he need time to process it on his own afterwards.

Might not be the same for your at all though!!

Thanks guys. Feeling much better. DS has had a good couple of days. I did chase him round the garden feeding him his lunch today and got him ready for a party (which he coped well with) pretending to be an elephant !!

Yes Nicola That sounds fun . they love pretending I make their toys talk, that works really well at meals too! Get the dolly or monkey to try the food with funny voices (i do it with GD now!) She loves me making up a bedtime story with her as the lead character!!

Cute! It's amazing how quickly they get absorbed by these games. I will continue to try this at meal times - definitely!

Brillliant Lucky boy