How do you know its right to have another child?

[MollySolverson]

I have one DD, 3yo. For a long time, inc before I had her, I've thought I wanted an only child, and was happy with this. I worry I'm not the best mother, not v patient etc and quite "stressy" so having one, which can be hard enough to deal with calmly at times, seemed sensible. I don't personally believe children NEED siblings so "giving" dd a brother or sister wouldn't have swayed me unless I already wanted another, in which case it would be an extra pro.

Recently I've been feeling I want another. Like, viscerally, really FEELING it. However, I haven't just morphed into ms super patient calm mum of the year so if I had another I'd obviously feel even more stressed and find it even harder (I should add, I love dd and love being a mum, more than anything, but I do find it hard and wearing at times, which is made worse by my non patient nature!). So logically I feel it may be selfish to have another as I'd have even less to give to dd, emotionally, as I'd be even more tires and stressed.

I know not everu other of more than one is a picture of serenity :D so if you're not, how did you know it was right to have another?

I also am in the midst of starting 2 businesses and don't see how I could take time off to have a baby, so that's another worry!

I work FT and have 2 close in age. I thought 1 would be enough but then realised I fix not want her to be an only child. That was the deal breaker for me.

Hi Op

The dilemmas of whether to go from 1 child to 2, from 2 to 3 etc can be very exhausting!
If you love your daughter and love being a mother, than it's very likely that you are a good enough parent even though you're not 'perfect' (no parent is). I deliberately use the expression 'good enough parent' because it has been used by psychologists (notably Oliver James) in the explanation that you don't need to be a perfect parent, just a good enough parent, and your kids will turn out great. I find that a great consolation when I've had a stressy day with the children and I feel I've messed up.
However, waiting until the business situation is a bit calmer and requires less of your time may be a good idea....Of course life isn't perfect and doesn't ever offer an ideal time to have kids, but...2 businesses AND a new baby may be a little too much. I'm not saying that you couldn't do it, but perhaps you'd find it more enjoyable if it's not so much pressure from different things all in one go.
Good luck x

Also weigh up what age gap you would want and if a 5 + year age gap would feel too big. If so you may need to consider slowing down business plan a bit to fit in having DC2? It could happen fast or take months ?

Yeah, the age gap worries me a bit. I kind of think either a really big one or very close together would be best. I've obviously missed very close together so maybe 6 years or more would be best? Ah its so hard! How do people make these decisions?!

I just know when I feel broody to just go for it. I don't have a super career or anything to prevent me form just going for it and I don't have to watch my timing or anything I just do it.

I've come to the conclusion that unless we went for it, I'd always wonder about whether we'd done the right thing. I know it sounds crap, but I want to get on with my life and felt like the only way to do that was to have another.