How will I cope on my own?

[beabea81]

DH starts a new job in London in 2 weeks & will be gone all day from 6.30 - 6.30 / 7. My 3 year old dd is now (much) stronger than me, I can't pick her up, run after her, restrain her from danger etc, I can't even get her dressed because she refuses and just runs away. Or she'll let me start dressing her, then start kicking & rolling around and I don't have the strength to do anything about it. How I am going to get her up and dressed for pre-school by myself I have no idea, I'm panicking! I'll then need to get her in the car, which she'll resist, then out of the car and into pre-school, which she'll resist.

I can just see it being a disaster. We've tried things like rewards, treats, taking things away etc, but 9 times out of 10 it always ends with my dh picking her up & bundling her into her clothes & the car while she screams & kicks. This isn't just for pre-school btw, she actually enjoys it once she's there, she just doesn't want to co-operate with anything at the moment and that includes eating, washing hands, brushing teeth / hair - anything that isn't fun basically. It's been getting worse over the last few months, and how I'll deal with this when I can't physically do anything to stop it I just don't know.

My dh has suggested looking for a mothers help type person or a PA to help with the mornings and pre-school run, or saying to our dd that we will have to get mummy a helper to dress her and take her to pre-school if she won't let mummy do it - dh thinks she will co-operate more then because she wants mummy to do everything (even though she then won't let me!) and wouldn't want anyone else to do it instead of me. But I feel like this is almost emotional blackmail and she's only 3 - "behave or Mummy won't look after you"?! My parents are elderly and have their own health problems, and we don't have any other family to help.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Any advice appreciated x

I think getting someone to help with the mornings is a good idea. I agree though, that using it as a threat is not fair. It sounds like your DD is going through a difficult phase. Maybe once you have all settled into the new routine she will get through it, and you will be able to manage better?

I wonder if social services can help with direct payments to get a PA for the tricky parts of the day. I think you have to ask for an assessment from adult disability services.
I can empathise because my son (now 14 but with SLD&ASD) runs away and keeps out of arms reach because he knows I cannot catch him!! His behaviour is more manageable if he is taken out and about with plenty of chances to run off his energy! I have CFS/ME but only became ill when he was 9. His behaviour has always been challenging, but he was very fast to work out my physical limitations and play up! However as time has gone on he has settled and the novelty of running off has pailed somewhat. I hope for your dd it is just a phase. I cannot really advise as I have not parented an NT child, but an extra pair of hands sounds like an excellent idea.

Contact Social Services - I did a few years ago, and although I thought I wouldn't get any help, I got 10 hours a week, which is just enough to help me manage the kids and house, and I save a bit each week so that when DH is away I have someone to help me with school runs. However, now that the ILF is being destroyed, I have a review next week and I'm expecting to lose it all - especially as my rheumatologist has changed my diagnosis. But we'll see.

I'm in the same position and have a pa every morning to help with my 3 yr old. I also have some one for 2 hrs in the afternoon to go out somewhere with me and her.