my 6 year old is addicted to Ipad and to Minecraft

[newnametoday1]

This is a cry for help. My bright 6 year old is absolutely addicted to his iPad - first it started with the odd tv program that we downloaded for him, then to him searching for shows he liked on you tube and now it is minecraft - both playing and watching the videos or others playing minecraft that have been loaded up onto you tube.

If we let him he would sit on it all day (of course we don't as he goes to school). It is the first thing he wants when he wakes up in the morning and when he comes home from school. If he does not get it he kicks off often throwing things round the room if we refuse to give him it (cushions etc). This normally results in him being sent to his bedroom.

We know we need to solve this now. He seems to have a proper addiction to the iPad. We have tried to limit hos time on the ipad for say half an hour in the morning and say an hour or two in the evening but he instigates stalling tactics and often will not hand the ipad back. We do not think that going "cold turkey" is the way to go but we are at a lost about the best way to proceed.

I've looked to see if I can find any relevant threads on this but I can't. I was wondering if there are any information resources that could help us with this. Thanks very much

[newnametoday1]

Lucked is this aimed at me? No the issue is definitely the ipad and minecraft. It is no good for him and this is why it needs to stop. not sure I follow as it is disruptive!? Yes he is stubborn. Not sure that necessarily equates to "really badly behaved" as resilient is also a description and an attribute his teachers admire in him. I only used the word "stubborn" to show that he is not easily persuaded to change his mind if he sets his mind to something so that this has not been an easy fix and 10 days on no significant progress (though lots more good suggestions on here tonight).

[toothurty]

Well you never know,the OP might decide to give it a try,thats the whole point of these things isnt it?

It could work with a school child,maybe,who knows?Hopefully i wont ever have to try.

[Spero]

ve never had to make my kids eat a vegetable?They just eat them becuse they lie them,if theres some they dont like they dont have to eat it?I encourage them to try new things but if they dont want to then i wouldnt "make" them.I wuld serve them up again though as they might change their mind next time.Surely that what everyone does?

o hahahahaha bless you.

Do feel free to come round to mine any time you like and work your parenting magic. I would love to see it.

Good night all.

[toothurty]

Yes to an extent.The oldest 2 are learning to read/write/maths,but at their own pace,so semi structured.Everything else is autonomous though.

[toothurty]

Its not magic,its just respect and a bit of common sense?Oh i have 5 kids by the way before you ask.

[Spero]

Of course.

So the fact that my daughter won't eat vegetables is because I don't respect her and I have no common sense.

Thanks for clearing that up.

nighty night.

[TheOneWithTheHair]

Funnily enough, I was discussing unschooling this week for work. I think it's a very personal style of parenting and I don't think it would help op in this case.

[toothurty]

Could be,or could be that maybe she doesnt like them?Maybe she doesnt like them because shes MADE to eat them?

[AnyFucker]

Spero go to bed < strict parent face >

[toothurty]

Your probably right.

I dont know then.Am trying to think of a more conventional solution.

Maybe say no games during the week at all,but weekends as much as he likes?

[TheOneWithTheHair]

Fair enough toothurty. :)

[Spero]

[Wishitwaswarmer]

I've nearly read to the end of the thread but not quite so I apologise if I've missed something. From what I can see the OP has asked for advice on how to deal with an issue on parenting, within the Parenting topic. I don't think OP asked for judgement (positive or negative) but they seem to have received a huge amount of criticism on their parenting. On a site that's meant to be a support network for parents. OP I think you need to just pick out the helpful tips on ways to manage screen time issues and ignore the other comments

[scouseontheinside]

My DS1 was similar with the xbox. Only he was 15 when it all came to a head, and I snapped spectacularly. The xbox is no longer in our house, and there are strict rules in place for any screen usage.

I do sympathise OP. It was already way out of control before I realised there was a problem. It was hell to impose the new screen rules, but what made it work was staying firm and not giving an inch. Exhausting it was, but the DC got the message.

Here are my suggestions:

• Sit down and have a conversation with him. Explain that it is getting out of control, and there needs to be some rules. Involving his could help, as he would very clearly understand the new rules and may be more accepting of them if he has helped to set them.
  

• Screen time is dependent on good behaviour.
  

• Any flouting of these rules will be met with no ipad for x amount of time.
  

• Draw up a screen time reward chart, or have some sort of token system for earning this.
  

• Our rules are no screens (i.e. computer, TV) Sunday through to Monday. School work is excepted. May sound very strict, but like I said - we had big problems to solve!
  

• No screens before bed is a big one for us too. All the flashing lights and what not wind my little ones right up.
  

• Brainstorm a list of activities his can do. It takes a bit to get them out of the habit of screens for entertainment - expect a lot of "I'mmmm boooreddd. There's nothing to doooo" type whinging for a few days afterwards. But if you stay firm, it will go away.
  

The key here is consistency. You need to have agreed upon rules. There is no negotiation. If he kicks off when time is off, sanctions need to be used and followed through no matter the carry on. If he is going to kick off, he can go to his room to calm down, and then the sanction still holds. You will certainly meet resistance as he tries to wear you down, particularly if you have caved in the past.

Do not engage with demands for the ipad. Explain once what is happening and why, after that ignore, ignore, ignore. You do not need to enter into negotiation and reasoning - he is 6. You are the mum and get to make the call on such things.

Hope this has helped you OP. Let us know how you get on.

[Littlefish]

NewNameToday - I would consider arguing with you at 10pm because he can't have the iPad to be particularly bad behaviour, and far beyond stubborn. It is not resilient to whinge, whine, complain and refuse to do as you are told. It is inappropriate and rude.

I think you are making excuses for his bad behaviour, saying that he wouldn't go for having a story at bedtime, saying that he has grown out of it. He is 6 years old. You are an adult. You know what is appropriate and need to be enforcing it, not allowing him to be in charge.

[WeAllHaveWings]

ds(10) was very lazy with book reading himself until just last year and has since taken off and is on now on his 5th Harry Potter.

I read with him every bloody night in bed until last year, reading alternative pages/chapters, it was boring as hell worth it in the end as he eventually began to read for his own pleasure and now picks up a book during the day.

We had consistent (with the odd exception for sleepovers, visitors, parties etc) rules that he could choose either 8:00 bed and lights out, or 8:00 bed, read till 8:30 then lights out. So he grudgingly choose to read.

[Arsebadger]

A 6 year old has an iPad in bed? Really?

[Enjoyingmycoffee1981]

have a 10yo DN who is attached to his iPad/xbox/Nintendo constantly (even in the car to and from school) and there are many othersyour ds is not the only child addicted.

Why are you bringing the I pad etc in the car when you pick up fgs?

It is very easy to get in to the frame of mind that oh its so hard, they are "addicted", "strong willed" "stubborn".

It's all excuses. These are bona fide children we are talking about 6/7/8/9/10. Children!

Impose limits, try to find an alternative (the mine craft books sound good) and, above all keep reminding yourself that these are children and YOU are the parent

[LastTango]

Unfortunately he is so strong willed it is unbelieveable.

So, man up and be even MORE strong willed.

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

tooth I agree to a certain extent about self regulating. But that's because I have a 15 and 16 year old, who over time have made the connection between going to bed late and being too tired to concentrate the next day.

But not at 6. I also have a 10 year old who would, if he was allowed to, take the iPad to bed, or play ps3 in bed until stupid o clock and then be shattered the next day.
But, if you asked him, he would do it the next night as well.

6 is far too young to understand the concept of self regulating IMHO and most definitely too young to have unsupervised access to the internet late at night.

If you give the power to a 6 year old, if you give in every time they tantrum, what on earth is going to happen when they are teenagers? It's bizarre.

Bed time is winding down time. Dinner, bath, book, bed. And bed at a sensible time for a 6 year old who has school the next day.

[mummytippy]

Just reading this over a year later. How did you get on OP?

[MummyKx]

My son is exactly the same, i have tried taking it away entirely & it was tough at first but then he gradually began to behave better & wasnt as moody. So i ( stupidly) re-introduced it & told him that he would only be allowed an hour a day & only if he had good behaviour. I wish i had never brought it back at all despite the fact that for the first two weeks all he did was go on & on asking for it to the point i felt like i was going to tear my hair out if i even heard the word "ipad". He wants it first thing in the morning & actually somehow manages to wake himself up extra early on school mornings to get it, i have actually got to hide it from him however i have caught him hunting the house for it in the mornings now too! After me telling him he isnt allowed it in the mornings before school.

He is not a very happy child at all, the slightest wee thing can send him into a downward spiral of whining & huffing & throwing things around the room & im really struggling with this. I feel the ipad has taken away my bright, sweet, happy & fun loving little boy! & im afraid the damage has already been done to him! He is not interested in playing outside except for at a park & he wont even try monkey bars or anything that bit more adventurous than a chute or a swing! He is almost 7 years old & has point blank refused to learn how to go his bike without stabilisers. He doesnt want to try anything new, anything that is even the tiniest bit difficult he cannot handle it & doesnt want to try, gets upset, angry, frustrated at himself. No matter how much i try to encourage him to keep trying & that nobody is great at anything right away it takes lots of practise to become really good at something he still is a nightmare. I realise im going off on a tangent here but i am losing the plot. Does anybody have any suggestions for me on how to bring back my funny & fearless, happy boy? I will try ANYTHING! Thank you!

A very desperate mummy! X

[SharonfromEON]

Can I suggest mummy K you start your own thread as this is a zombie thread...

I would ban everything electronic ds's TV the lot .

But I think take a ball in the garden sit down and do crafts, play board games... If he has siblings encourage them to join in too.

Take him swimming.

You might have a tough couple of weeks but at least back at school and you will get a break from it.

[MummyKx]

Thank you SharonfromEON i think i will start my own thread. & thank you for your suggestions, he does love swimming & was taking lessons when he was 5/6 but then i had a baby & we kind of got out of the routine of going as i was glued to my couch with breastfeeding. Will try get him back into it again as he did really enjoy it.

Thank you x

[Dragongirl10]

Erm it sounds like your 6yr old makes the rules not you!

Mine are 8 and 10 adore minecraft and would love the ipad all the time, but are only allowed it on the weekends for an hour each, we have a timer so they can see for themselves.

Of course they try to ask for it at other times but if we say no and they ask again that takes away 15mins of their weekend time, each time they ask. They soon stopped asking more than once.

Get tough and stick it out or your it will get harder and harder, make the rules and stick to them, ignore tantrums.

l will not let mine have any devices upstairs in their rooms as they would never go to sleep and be hopeless at school.