my 6 year old is addicted to Ipad and to Minecraft

[newnametoday1]

This is a cry for help. My bright 6 year old is absolutely addicted to his iPad - first it started with the odd tv program that we downloaded for him, then to him searching for shows he liked on you tube and now it is minecraft - both playing and watching the videos or others playing minecraft that have been loaded up onto you tube.

If we let him he would sit on it all day (of course we don't as he goes to school). It is the first thing he wants when he wakes up in the morning and when he comes home from school. If he does not get it he kicks off often throwing things round the room if we refuse to give him it (cushions etc). This normally results in him being sent to his bedroom.

We know we need to solve this now. He seems to have a proper addiction to the iPad. We have tried to limit hos time on the ipad for say half an hour in the morning and say an hour or two in the evening but he instigates stalling tactics and often will not hand the ipad back. We do not think that going "cold turkey" is the way to go but we are at a lost about the best way to proceed.

I've looked to see if I can find any relevant threads on this but I can't. I was wondering if there are any information resources that could help us with this. Thanks very much

[GungHo]

DS's teacher at school is very pro ipad and technoglogy and i agree with him and am a little in luurrve with him for this. Ds is also six - in year one.

They have one ipad session a week in class where they all play logic games either in groups, twos or alone. They are encouraged to look up homework information on ipad or pc/laptop at home (with parents supervision and help)

Ds has his own ipad and spends a lot of time on it - but not on a school night unless he's genuinely upset or anxious about something. Then I say 'ten minutes' but pretend to forget and let him stay on longer which he gets a kick out of. He gets comfort from the games and from the gamers on YouTube (stampy/iballisticsquid/amy etc)

At one point I was so worried about him using technology and getting 'addicted' to the ipad and gamers, that I called in a child psychologist attached to social services. She spent an entire afternoon with him. She said he's absolutely fine and no different from any other engaged, slightly geeky 6 year old.

Ds also LOVES the Wii - Lego Batman, lego Harry Potter, Donkey Kong, Mario, Sonic, Skylanders (he has 68 figures so far). He looks up films on Netflix on the Wii, and watches childrens stuff on iplayer. He likes 'Deadtime stories (so do I!)

He also enjoys digging in mud, squirting water pistols, playing tag, writing stories, playing with his teddies, showing his willy, farting, running, going to Beavers, dinosaurs, strawberries and myriad other things.

I am glad that he is also a whizz on the ipad, knows who is cool and who isn't, can text someone back from my phone if I'm driving. He's a 21st century kid.

AF is so Yesterday on this matter

One last point though OP - I have deleted YouTube from his ipad as he stumbled across a pretty abhorrent site while trying to find a stampy video. He came and told me. I deleted it. He begs for it back. I have said no. He now only gets to watch the gamers on Youtube if he has done something very special and good. And then I log carefully what he watches.

[newnametoday1]

Thank you ample.

[AnyFucker]

That's really lovely for your son, GungHo, but what about the OP's son ?

[TheOneWithTheHair]

Very eloquently written GungHo and I'm glad your ds is fine and engaged etc.

One huge thing you haven't thought of is that whilst you are clearly in charge of your ds, op isn't. She has relinquished control to a 6yr old. Not good for either of them.

[Spero]

My daughter is similar. She is 9 and loves the iPad and loves mine craft. She also enjoys the books.

I understand where she is coming from, as I love my iPad. But I wish I had someone to take mine off me at midnight so I didn't play another sodding game of Ruzzle until 1am.

He is only six. If he won't give the iPad back willingly when you ask, you take it from him, by force if necessary and he doesn't get it back for 24 hours.

I agree that no iPad in the morning sounds a good idea.

My daughter is very displeased with me some evenings when I tell her its time to put the iPad down and go to bed. That's tough for her but I wouldn't be doing my job as parent if I allowed her to dictate to me what time she went to bed.

[MoreCrackThanHarlem]

My dd is 13.5 and is not allowed her iphone or ipad in bed.

She has recently been allowed a TV in her room but we have a no TV in bed rule. She watches it in the mornings and listens to music on it.

I hope you have parental controls set if he's playing it unsupervised .

[toothurty]

Let him on it as much as he wants,he will self regulate eventually,it will take while though after having limits.

I also have a 6 yr old.this has worked.

[AnyFucker]

That is terrible advice, toothurty

[Spero]

I am not so sure about the self regulation thing. During the day that is fine, my daughter will get bored after an hour or two and want to do something else.

The problem i have comes in the evening when I want her to go to bed. She will happily push for another five minutes, which becomes another half an hour and so on.

So I am firm then and she knows that if she doesn't stop I will take it away and she won't see if for a while.

But I agree that generally I think children will switch between different activities and I find some parents perhaps a bit too over anxious about regulating 'screen time'.

[BerylStreep]

We have a rule in our house. No iPads, TV or computer until after 4pm. 30 minute limit during weekdays and 1 hour limit at weekends.

The plus side is that the DC have got really good at telling the time .

[toothurty]

Let her go to bed when she wants to?Again,at first,she will stay up as long as possible,once its not forbidden fruit anymore,she will be sensible and go to sleep when she is tired.

[toothurty]

Unless there is genuinley nothing else to do,or there are other special needs,no normal healthy child would play on mincraft,all day every day,for the next 4 years.After a while they will want to do something else.And i say that from experience.

[Spero]

toothurty - that just doesn't work. If left to her own devices she will go to bed at 11pm. Then she has to get up at 6.45 for school.

Of course, the older she gets the more independence she will get and the more opportunity to make crap choices - as i am making now, despite my vow to be in bed and asleep by midnight every night at the latest.

But leaving a 6 year old to 'self regulate' is not merely slack parenting, it could be positively harmful.

[AnyFucker]

Over 4 years, I daresay you are correct

On a nightly basis, when a child is having their concentration affected at school the next and being "supercharged" because of too much screen time, I think it matters a lot that parents do what they think is best for a young child

[BOFster]

I daresay they would stop eating cream cakes eventually too, but unrestricted access would still cause problems. Boundaries help keep children safe, and make them feel safe and cared about, in my experience. I don't think I'd like to chance the consequences of jettisoning them altogether.

[Spero]

If I let my daughter make all her own choices, she wouldn't shower or have a bath, she wouldn't clean her teeth and she would never eat a vegetable.

The whole point of being a parent surely is we try to get them through childhood safe and sound so they can then screw up their lives however they wish as adults, but at least they will have some teeth and maybe a few GCSEs.

[AnyFucker]

Children like boundaries. They make them feel safe, and loved and that they matter (no matter how much they protest at the time). Talk to teenagers who grew up without them, and you will weep.

[Lucked]

So the issue isn't really the ipad/mine craft, it is that your 6 year old is really badly behaved (stubborn) when he doesn't get his own way and you haven't found an effective strategy to deal with his behaviour.

Because his hobby is not disruptive he gets his way. Imagine instead of the iPad he wanted to play the drums or kick a football round the house, you would have dealt with it sooner.

[toothurty]

Spero-she most likely would stay up til 11,probably later.But the next morning she would be tired,and be ready for an early night the next day,and so on and so on.

Its isnt slack parenting,its just different to the norm,most people believe kids will always make bad choices left to their own devices,but its not true.

There will always be boundaries,the boundaries just move a bit.My boundaries are "keep the noise down so you dont wake your brother up" not "go to bed at 6.45 because you are a child and i will tell you what to do".

[toothurty]

Actually i should just say,my children are home educated so they dont have to go to bed early to get up for school early the next morning!If they did,fair enough,i might have to change the way things are a bit.

[Hubbubs]

You presented your child with a tool for addiction. It is your responsibility to now remove that.

It alters their emotional state. It causes them distress. And indeed, all the other recognised addiction triggers.

I prevented my children from over-use of such devices immediately I noticed their behaviour change from regular use. It's frightening to witness, to be honest.

[Spero]

I relax boundaries at holiday time and I see very late bedtimes, she still gets up at 7am and then has a late bedtime etc, etc.

I am not prepared to take the risk that she will make the right choices over something so important. Sleep is really, really important. Which is why I am going to bed.

But also, by 9pm I am fed up and I want her to go to bed. So there is more than a small dollop of self interest in my sternness.

But whatever you or I do with our children I still think the bottom line is that 6 is far, far, far too young to be 'not giving the iPad back' when politely requested and the simplest solution is to take it off him.

[toothurty]

Ive never had to make my kids eat a vegetable?They just eat them becuse they lie them,if theres some they dont like they dont have to eat it?I encourage them to try new things but if they dont want to then i wouldnt "make" them.I wuld serve them up again though as they might change their mind next time.Surely that what everyone does?

[AnyFucker]

So your situation is nothing like OP's at all then ? Just like the last poster who waxed lyrical about something completely different. The online equivalent of liking the sound of your own voice, innit

[TheOneWithTheHair]

Actually toothurty, that makes all the difference in how your advice is received. The op can't implement your style as I'm assuming her ds goes to school. Do you unschool btw?

Not having a go, just curious.