What is the right response?

[Itsfab]

10 year old DD does not get along with 9 year old DS. Odd time where they play nicely but generally she isn't fussed about him and is "sick of him." He just wants her to love him.

When they are being horrible to each other, telling tales, etc I try the ignore the bad advice. This leads to DD telling me I obviously prefer DS as I never tell him off or do anything about his behaviour.

I really hate being told what to do by my daughter. I am trying to follow the advice given but have also done the telling off but neither works.

It depends really on whether she is telling tales and he hasn't really done anything or whether his behaviour is genuinely bad.

If he is behaving badly then you need to deal with it.

If it's empty tales you can say 'don't tell me tales' and ignore.

Can you get a bit more to the root of the problem? eg do they have too much time together? (or rather, is it too much for DD.) If yes, could DD do an activity that gives her her own sphere a bit more, or spend the odd weekend at her grandparents' or other family being grown up (I loved this as a child, was a relief to have time away from my siblings), or a few different things.... whatever the options are.

Both do misbehave and I do tell them both X is not acceptable. DD was unbelievably rude yesterday so I left the room as did not want to shout but I most definitely did speak to her about it later and she knew she had been rude.

They are at the same school but don't have any classes together and don't see much of each other at break and lunch even though the school is tiny. They have a few weeks only left at the same school.

Both go to in laws for sleep overs and the last few times have gone separately but they are together from when they get up until 9am and then from 4pm. At weekends sometimes they are doing different things.

He wants to play with her more than she wants to with him but she will dictate what they play as a condition of her playing with him. I do not allow this all the time but sometimes DS accepts it as he just wants to play with her.

There is 22 months between them.

DS1 and DD had a long while of not getting along. Improved once he was at a different school and they started to grow up. He is now 13 and I rarely see him .