Is this normal or should I speak to the HV?

[Yoghurtget]

I am not sure if this is just the normal challenges of parenthood or I should speak to the HV as it's not normal. I have a beautiful 10 week old DD but I just don't seem to feel the joy other parents feel. Friends who have had children the same time say they are so happy, it's the best thing that's ever happened to them etc but I don't feel like that. There have been a few difficulties but nothing major- we have had a month of colic, I have had mastitis and thrush, she won't sleep in her cot in the day it in the pram so I have to hold her to get her to sleep. I wake in the morning and dread the day, when she cries I feel so stressed, my default is to feed her but I think that's developing bad habits. Her dad is much calmer but she is also quite clingy to me and people say "oh she wants her mummy" which makes me want to cry as I have to deal with her just when I thought I could have a break.

I feel terrible just writing this as she's beautiful and is lovely when she smiles. I am not sure if parenthood just is tough, I need to change my style to resolve some of the little problems or if this is not normal and I should discuss with the HV?

I think I spent most of the first few weeks thinking 'Oh God, what have a done?' with each of my three children. It is hard. You are sleep deprived which means it feels even harder.

Colic, mastitis and thrush are all difficult to deal with when you are sleep deprived. I think what you are feeling is normal, but it won't hurt to talk to your HV, mine have all been lovely and supportive.

It does get better.

Well I spoke to my health visitor and she didn't call social services, so that was reassuring and I'd advocate doing the same as it was good to chat and offload a bit (sorry to the mum who had a late visit though..)

How are you feeling today? I find it can be really up and down, often dependant on how bad the night was and how much she cries during the day.

I felt like you, and I kept it to myself for so long. I absolutely loved my son but I didn't 'feel' the love. It has been getting better over time and I feel it now, every day. We laugh together and I feel happy because of him every day. He's 1.

When he was initially handed to me, and for the five days we were in hospital, I could not stop staring at him, his beautiful little nose, my mouth, his daddys ears - wondering why I wasn't getting the rushes of love everyone told me about? I didn't feel what I thought I'd feel. I think that is very very normal.

Tell your health visitor, just so they can be aware of it and reassure you. You are doing absolutely fine. There isn't actually a 'normal', you and your baby will make your own normal together :)

No one is honest enough about the total hell of the first few months. By all means speak to your HV but to me what you describe sounds normal!!