should she stay or should she go?

[mad4girls]

hi guys (sorry for long post)

i recently posted about dd2 behaviuor you were all very helpful so i thought i would ask your high and mighty advice again

story so far

myself and x have been apart for nearly 3 yrs and has had no contact with dd2 since leaving

i have remained in contact with my father in law and his wife (not exs mum) since the split they also still have contact with his son (although not very often)but have always remained neutral and good friends to me and children as well as never forgetting a birthday,xmas etc

me and 2 dds go up regulary to play and outings etc but i have never left dd2 (thier granchild)their by herself until recently

her behaviuor there is very good as there are 4 other children varying ages and their midddle dd is just one year older than mine and they have very similar personality and get on like a house on fire (which by the way has never happened with dd2 b4 she normally just goes round bopping everyone)

anyway my dillema is that my father in law and wife have offered to have dd2 overnight, which at 1st i was delighted as noone(my mum and grandparents)ever wants youngest around due to past behaviuor(read previous thread)but i have since started to worry whether i have made right decision

this is not due to dd behaviuor at all just down to other ppls reaction ie DP when i told them they thought it was strange as she doesnt see her father why would she see them IYKWIM and what if my ex turns up or my DP thinks that they might be secretly taking dd to see him etc etc

i trust them 100% and know they would not do that dd as she doesnt no who her father is really, he been gone for nearly 3 yrs she only just 4. but now i am having doubts about my decision and wondering if i am doing "the right thing" by her

surely it must be good for her to have that extra family especailly as i am not a great mum im suffering alot of deprression and im struggling to deal with it, she has also been upset recently as dd1 has had alot of contact with her father, and dd2 feels left she asks me why she doesnt have a dad? and why we cant go and see him? ( i have tried btw he isnt intersted)and has recently had another child although dd does not know this

so opinions please guys i will come to a decision in the end i just wanted to see what others opinions were and to see someone say its ok your doing the right thing i think

Well, I definitely stayed overnight with my grandparents at age 4, so from that perspective it is certainly fine. I think if it were me, I would let her go. If she happens to see her father, I feel sure she will tell you and you can deal with the situation from there. Otherwise, it sounds like a typical grandparent thing to want her overnight.

I think you are doing the right thing letting you dcs see their grandparents - and 4 would be a good age for dd2 to stay - especially if all the other circumstances surrounding her being there work well for her.

could you dicuss you concern about your x with fil? he sounds like a reasonable man?

IMHO you should trust your instint about grandparents they'v not involved ex before or gone behind your back i pressume.I would do anything to please YOU and keep intouch with my grandchild if i were them? Also dp may be feeling litte on outside? men can be funny bout ex's parents/family surely if both dd's are away on same night (carefull planning) you and dp could swing from chandelier in peace

I think your DD should go as she doesn't deserve to miss out on her other family just because of her father, if he's not interest then it's a safe bet that he what just come round and run off with DD, plus you trust father in-law and his wife away!
AND just because he's doesn't want to watch his DD grow up doesn't mean that all the family get to miss out too!
You mentioned that DD get along great with father in-laws DD so I think she found a friend there and it'll be a shame not to let that develop!

"i am not a great mum im suffering alot of deprression"

im sure thats not true, you should trust your instincts.

yes mrsA my fil is alright about everyhting and knows the past history betwen ex and i is v.bad

and would not want to cause any havoc their they have already fallen out with their son for the way he behaved during the split, and v recently as we spent alot of time there during the summer, and now my ex thinks his dad should not allow the girls and i to come over and i am conspiring with his dad.

they told him to get over himself everyone is welcome to thier home if he doesnt like it tuff

which is nice to know

also dd1 is also having a sleepover else where that night already 1 step ahead of you Iceorlemon

im sure she will be ok just me obsessing as usual i have told inlaws i am happy for my ex to see his dd thier if he so wishes they took it upon themselves to offer him this he turned round and said he was not interested

oh well his loss i can have my beautiful blonde haired blue eyed daughter all to myself we dont need him either!