DS1 is a 'snacker' - how do I get him to eat a proper meal?

[RachelWatts]

DS1 (5) has been a snacker since the day he was born. At meal times he will eat until he is no longer hungry and declare himself full, which is sometimes after only a couple of mouthfuls. Then half an hour later he will be STAAARVIIING (apparently) and ask for a piece of bread or something else to eat.

If I don't get him some food, he will chew his fingers, his clothes or a toy. Often he doesn't even ask for food - I will notice him absent mindedly chewing as he's watching TV. Tonight he has destroyed one of DS2's toys by chewing it while I was putting DS2 to bed.

He gets grumpy and tantrums if he's hungry, and has done so in school when he hasn't eaten enough breakfast or only a couple of bites of his sandwich at lunch.

Do I leave his dinner and give him the rest later when he's hungry again? Give him boring snacks? Take a hard line stance and say food only at mealtimes and proper snack times only?

He is 9th centile for height and 2nd centile for weight.

Let him eat when he is hungry, have 6-8 small meals a day rather than three big ones.

It is actually good that he only eats when he is hungry.

Just leave his meal for him to pick on, or only serve a small amount and serve the rest when he is next hungry.

Is it a problem for you that he's a snacker?

If it is, then maybe stick with 3 meal times and a couple of fixed snack times. He won't die going 3 hours between eating.

I'm a snacker - I need to eat little and often. I get very grumpy and tantrum when I'm hungry.
I would find him more filling snacks. Nuts and seeds work for me, especially mid afternoon. Veggie sticks before dinner are good. What about rice pudding/small bowl of cereal for supper.

That would be fine if he didn't have to go to school, where he is only able to eat at specific times.

He is obviously not eating enough when food is available, if he is hungry again so soon after.

Being hungry at school is affecting his learning. Plus I'm fed up of throwing food away and then him asking for something else.

I think as he's at school it would be a good idea to try and tackle this.

Definitely cut down all snacks except two or three, at set times. Have mealtimes at set times (co-ordinate with school times if possible) - guessing this would be roughly 4-5 hours apart. So then you initiate a "snack time" in between, halfway between breakfast and dinner (or whatever).

Explain to him what you're doing, and then remind him at a mealtime "Remember, no more food until X O'clock, are you sure you've had enough?" If/when he complains that he's hungry, remind him that it's snack time at X O'clock and he should have eaten more breakfast/lunch/whatever. He's NOT going to starve in the 2 hours he has to wait until snack time. At snack time you have to be really strict and keep it to a snack, something small, but at mealtimes you can let him eat unlimited amounts (it doesn't sound like he's in danger of overeating).

Try to notice the chewing and tell him to stop, it's probably unrelated. Don't be hardline, just remind. You could gently remove the thing if he won't stop chewing it.

He likes nuts, but can't have them at school because of another child's allergy.

I'm watching with interest as DD is a grazer and I'm not sure how she will be at school next year. She has never liked big meals, but is an absolute horror when her blood sugar levels dip too low - making her wait until the next meal is simply not an option.

Mine are snackers at home but manage ok at school.

DS used to do this and cutting out the extra snacks solved it. It wasn't that he was a "natural snacker" he was just lazy and found eating boring. He still does - he's like me, he eats to live rather than living to eat and I think regards it (as I do!) as a bit of an inconvenience. He would happily graze all day but it's a pain in the arse to facilitate that, I'm constantly at the kitchen counter chopping up cucumber, apples, making sandwiches, toast, whatever. There aren't many snacks or meal components that a five year old can make themselves safely without supervision, and he wouldn't get a balanced diet as he would live solely off toast, cucumber, apples, cucumber and salami. And sweets. It's a real pain in the arse to convince him to eat the less-interesting parts of a meal like rice, pasta, potatoes etc, he'll just go for the meat and sauce.

DS is bad with low blood sugar too but riding it out until he got the message really helped. Sometimes now he doesn't eat as much and then we really see the results of that but I still stick to the meal/snack times so it's never too long to wait.

My 3yo is similar, it's hard work isn't it? I think it's partly that there are more interesting things to do than eat, so he eats enough to stop being ravenous then the hunger returns soon after. I'm trying to fill him with high calorie foods. The Caroline Walker trust has a good download with meal ideas for children of all ages. The download link for 5-11 year olds is halfway down the page.
www.cwt.org.uk/chew.html

Other ideas... When he stops eating do you allow him to leave the table before others, or does he have to wait? Can you make the alternative to sitting at the dinner table less appealing? Or make the dinner table more appealing? I bring out books or play dough or whatever to keep him at the table eating, but it's not ideal.

He definitely finds eating boring, and would much rather be playing or watching TV instead.

Food that he loves he will sit and eat until it's gone, but I can't cook only his favourite meal.

I need to get him to stay at the table with the rest of us until we've finished, but if he's determined to wander off to play I'm not sure what I can do short of tying him to his chair!

I will have a look at that link. Thanks.

We let DS eat in front of the TV a lot actually. It's not a great solution but it works. I actually resorted to it in desperation when he was about 2 and the habit stuck, now phasing in more regular family meals with the exception that if he's eating alone, he's allowed to watch TV but if we're all eating together then it's a family meal. He's much happier to eat together now he's older and I'm finding it more successful to get him to try stuff - have started doing big serving dishes in the middle so everyone can help themselves (which also helps slow down the normal speed eaters, so he can keep up as he was messing about with food a lot before). Also when we eat together I don't want it to be a big stressful event so very lax on rules although good table manners are encouraged.

If you don't want to resort to TV or other distractions (it's not really a healthy habit to get into supposedly) then getting him to stay would be a good idea. Maybe some kind of sanction? Start a timer from the time that he leaves until the time he was actually allowed to leave and he loses that many minutes from some fun activity? Seems a bit draconian might work though.

Could you look at what he eats at meal times? If he is filling up on carbs, he will be hungry again quicker. Feed him fat and protein, it more satiating and nutritionally dense (macronutrients) and see how that works.

He eats very little carbs, tends to fill up on carrots, although other veg is available. If I gave him protein he would definitely eat we'd be stuck with roast chicken, fish bites or hot dog sausages every night and the rest of us like a bit of variety.

I try to give him something he will love a couple of times a week, and he'll make a good attempt at clearing his plate, although potatoes will usually be left. The rest of the time he'll have what the rest of us have although he won't eat much of it.

I suppose it could be fussiness - maybe he just doesn't much like some foods, although he doesn't do the dramatics about hated food items like some of my friend's children.

OK. re protein, I do sympathise with you, I'm the same, I can't cook kid friendly meals all the time. Could you add butter to cooked veg? Also to satiate him.

How does he do on breakfast? After my kids switched from cereals to eggs in the morning (3 each, usually scrambled), they don't ask for snacks anymore. If he likes eggs, they are very versatile and easy, not just for breakfast.

I think it sounds like you're doing the right thing re offering food.

I would stick to the hard line about mealtimes and snack times. Maybe for the first couple of weeks do meals that you know he'll eat to minimise the low blood sugar effects but then start to bring more things in.

If he likes chicken would he eat pork loin etc? DS will go mad for meat + veg, doesn't seem to matter what it is, it can be pork, chicken, beef, sausage, even possibly fish although I haven't tried that for a while.

If he mainly eats fruit and veg at meals, don't give him those things for snacks, use carbs and protein if possible. Cheese, crackers, chopped up cold sausages, hard boiled egg, slice of toast, that kind of thing.

It seems so counterintuitive to have a child who eats too much veg

My DS1 is 4 and he does the same. I spoon feed him the meals and he eats everything very happily.

He goes to nursery a few mornings a week and always comes home starving, even though staff says he eaten his lunch! It's frustrating to pay a fortune for his nursery and having to give him another lunch! But I digress...

I'm not from the UK and I don't understand why British people refuse to feed their children after they are 1. People in my country are spoon fed for much longer and by the time they're adults they are perfectly able to eat by themselves.

How does that work if you have more than one child, battle? I can't imagine spoon feeding three children at once, say. Especially when they are perfectly able to feed themselves. I used to help DS out when he was 2 or maybe 3 if he was tired or in a weird mood but definitely not when he was 4.

I have 3 children - at one point a baby, toddler and preschooler. I don't have enough hands to feed them all (and myself)!

Is he allowed a snack at school? Mine is fussy and gets too distracted to eat at home but seems to be eating a reasonable sized meal at school on hot dinners. He does take a long time though but has tried lots of new things that I haven't offered at home, or don't offer very often.

It is quicker to feed them all than to be fighting them continuously. BTW, my 18mo doesn't let me feed him, so I only have to feed one :)

"It is quicker to feed them all than to be fighting them continuously" says the mother of 1 who feeds himself!
I don't fight my kids at dinner time, if they don't eat they don't eat. However, I think all my kids could do with putting on a bit of weight so I will spend a bit longer fetching extra bits to fill them up if/when possible.

Naturalbaby, it's not a competition! If it works for you, that's great :)

(BTW, my DS2 doesn't eat any of the meals we serve. It would be much easier if he just ate whatever I fed him, like DS1, but he is much more difficult and I have to offer nuts, fruit, snacks, yogurt, always trying to make sure he eats all food groups.)

And I feed both of them snacks and fruits while they're playing. I don't have 3 DC, only 2, but I still think feeding DC is easier and faster.