How would you have reacted to 2.5 year olds behaviour...

[SalsaP]

Ok so I had a bit of a battle with my 2.5 year old DS at lunch today. I dealt with it very badly. He has always been a good eater with a few short lived fussy spells but he is getting more and more difficult.

So today's example: We are out for lunch. I have taken a packed lunch for him consisting of a sandwich, tomatoes and a smoothie for pudding. He would usually eat everything on offer with perhaps just a bit of encouragement. Today he point blank refused to eat the sandwich. I tried and tried (probably too hard and rather impatiently in the end) but he wasn't having any of it. He wanted his smoothie but I said he could have that as a pudding after the sandwich. Anyway, 30 mins later I was getting nowhere and was getting cross. I gave him a final chance and packed things up. Took him screaming to the car whilst muttering things under my breath that I'm not proud of. Off we went to the childminders as planned as I had to go to work.

As I put it into writing it sounds like I didn't handle it too badly but, believe me, I was losing my temper and am sure I aggravated the situation. As it's becoming increasingly common for him to be like this at mealtimes I'm interested in how you would deal with defiance at meal times. He's not just like it with me but also DH and the childminder. I think I lose my patience the fastest which is why I'd like some help to deal with this.

I would say, it's hot today so fair enough he maybe didn't fancy a sandwich. I'd make sure he drank and not worry. My girls have occasions like that, especially in the heat and at his age it's hard to tell what is behind things. For main meals I insist 3-5 mouthfuls must be eaten and dds seem to accept that. It is frustrating though. X

I also often leave the room at meal times. I know we're supposed to have family meals but dds all eat nicely while I get drinks, tidy kitchen, but if I sit with them dtds (who are 2.9) ask to be fed and refuse to feed themselves!

I'm impressed your 2.5 year old will eat tomato!
My almost 3 year old suddenly decided at 18 months that he didn't like pretty much everything. I adopted the approach of not engaging in battles over food, and removing meals if they weren't eaten - to the point where he hadn't eaten anything from lunchtime until breakfast for three weeks and was looking very peaky.

He will regularly throw himself on the floor screaming when I produce something he doesn't like and will refuse to eat it anyway.

It's stressful but I tell myself he won't always be like this. I hope.

I think first and foremost it helps to mentally accept the fact that it's okay if he doesn't eat a meal. Not eating lunch one day is not going to hurt him. If you can accept this, it takes the emotion out of it all and helps you be more patient and sort of not care so much.

Then you can basically leave the decision with him. Eat some of the sandwich and have the smoothie, or don't eat it but then there's nothing else. Then stick to it. I think if you keep trying to talk them into it they just get more stubborn.

I'd have just calmly packed it away and said not to worry. If he'd later said he was hungry I'd have offered the same sandwich again.

get him to choose what's in the sandwich/peas or carrots/apple or pear/orange or blackcurrant

often works
worth a try

It's so easy to get frustrated by 2year olds so you're not alone . I have dc3 at home, he's 2.2, What I tend to do with lunch is put all the food out for him at the same time...I.e. I don't separate it into main/pudding so he can eat it in any order he chooses. Tbh it's just one less thing to be bothered about, he's not going to wither away if he only eats fresh air for the odd meal

I agree with bohemian, eat with him, chat with him, ignore the food aside from an odd encouraging comment. If he doesn't eat clear it away. He has eaten well before and he will again so try not to stress or you will just end up in a power struggle and everyone is miserable. I have 2 good eaters (and baby) now. One went through phases of being fussy but he gave up when he got bored and hungry. I always offered things II knew he liked and I insisted on sitting up while we ate.
My kids loved helping with very basic cooking at that age and always ate those meals well.

My reasoning so far is that if he is hungry he will eat. I'm not really willing to negotiate. I take the nursery approach that if he doesn't take it when it's on offer, there are no alternatives and he has to wait until the next meal or snack time.

I really try to not get annoyed as I don't want mealtimes to become a negotiation time or stressful in anyway. Take it or leave it.

I'm desperately trying to learn from my extremely fussy eating niece who survives on pasta with ketchup.

Best advice I can give you is don't react or withhold the pudding if it was part of the planned lunch. Getting into a battle over the food is pointless and just angers you more. Don't offer alternatives just take away what was offered after a reasonable time and try again next mealtime.

hmmm, is a smoothie not a drink? if it's hot where you are today was he maybe not thirsty and wanted the drink before eating? personally I would have let him have the two together, but maybe that's because that's the way I would have liked that meal..

Thanks for your replies.

I suppose I get so worried if he won't eat as his biggest meltdowns are when he is hungry - and they are BIG! I usually bend over backwards to try and avoid them as they often don't end until he gets some food in him.

As for the order in which he eats his food I shall try mixing things up a bit more if it comes to it again. This time I tried to use the prospect of pudding to get him to eat the sandwich. I told him he can't have it until he eats his sandwich and then felt the need to stick to my guns. Perhaps I shouldn't have. It didn't work anyway! And for the person who asked if he was thirsty he had a separate drink on the table already.

I do think it is a control thing as this is happening a lot in his behaviour in general. Lots of "no's" at the moment. I definitely don't want to get into a power struggle so will try your ideas. Thank you for them.

By the way, when we got to the childminders she gave him some toast and a yoghurt, which he ate happily, before his nap. Do you think that's ok or should she have waited until his next normal feeding time which would have been a snack after his nap? I do wonder if he would have napped on such an empty tummy anyway.

I have a 2.5 year old and never ever make food a battle. Ever!

I did with my older one and realised it was futile.

I would have put all the food out and let her eat and drink what she wanted in whatever order. It is a picnic and informal.

By the way, when we got to the childminders she gave him some toast and a yoghurt, which he ate happily, before his nap yeah what's wrong with that?

Food doesn't have to be at rigid times. We all get hungry, our appetites wax and wane. No big deal.

Another one who just gives everything at once and she can pick and choose what she wants. I dont cajole. I only give what im happy for her to eat (regardless of order or quantity) and when she is done she us done. Next food at next mealtime.