Hello wise MN'ers.
I need some advice please. I'm feeling a bit sad and overwhelmed by this but don't know how to deal with it.
I have, pretty much my whole life, been ignored/invisible, and I am worried now that my kids are being affected in the same way.
I have always been the owe to make an effort, and then find myself being the one left out, so if I'm talking to someone and another person comes along, instead of the conversation being a three way thing it usually turns into a two way thing with me on the periphery. That in a nutshell sums things up. This has really affected my confidence and although I still try and make an effort with people, this keeps happening and I really don't want the same thing for my children.
My DD who is 6, is often excluded from games at play times at school. She will ask if she can join in, but the 'leader' of the game often says NO. Recently the school had a competition and she wanted to join a group, and again was told no, so she gave up. I try and encourage her to join another group, but she has been told No so often that I think she is now at the stage where she says she' drat her play by herself. She does have some friends that she really likes but the same happens with her and if anyone else joins the group, they go off and she gets left behind.
I have spoken to her teacher about this and she says that my Dd is very friendly and polite and not bossy or overbearing, so she doesn't understand why this might be. She has tried to help my Dd by talking to her about it, but my Dd doesn't want to 'tell on anyone' which is what she thinks she would be doing by talking about what happens. My DD is at a girls school.
My DS is still at nursery, and seems to be happy and has lots of lovely friends. He has also made a friend at my DDs school with a boy who is there at pick up time. He has played nicely with him, and I have never noticed that the other boy doesn't like my DS. Today though, this boy was there with one of his friends. My DS went to play with home, after asking me if he could go and play with his friend. But the boy was just rude to my DS. Whenever my DS tried to talk to him, he just covered his ears and told him to go away. My DS is only 4 so he kept running back to me a bit confused, but then would go back. I watched and this happened about 4 times. In the end I told DS not to go back as the boy was being a bit rude and that he didn't want to play with DS. DS was a bit upset by this as he is used to playing with this boy, most days. Again, my DS isn't bossy or rude or overbearing.
Anyway, I am really struggling with this as I don't know how best to help my Dc. I don't know whey this sort of thing happens with such young children, but I know it does.
How can I help my Dc deal with these sorts of things, so that they don't grow up feeling like I do. That I am somehow unlikeable and only useful as a last resort. This is really how I feel. People will talk to me , but only if there are no other options. I know this is life and you have to just ignore it and get on with it, but I am so upset and feel like a crap mum who can't help her kids. I really want them to be able to just be more confident and self assured than I am, as it's not much fun living your life wondering why you're not good enough.
I went to bed about 3 hours ago and couldn't sleep, so decided I'd come here for help.
Thankyou for reading this apologies for the rambling nature of this. I can't quite form sentences as I am genuinely upset about this.