My mum can't look after him properly, what can I do??

[Born2011]

My mum has my son 2 days a week while I'm at work, she has done this for over a year and I don't want to sound ungrateful, I would struggle to pay for child care without her but I have serious concerns about her child care skills and I've had polite discussions with her over and over but it doesn't seem to help.
In her care he has fallen down stone steps, wet himself 12 times in one day because 'he said he didn't want the nappy on today and didn't want to go to the toilet' climbed on a window sill by an open upstairs window, drank an entire mug of coffee as she left him alone in bed next to one. Every week there is something else to the point I wonder how she ever raised me and I'm scared to go to work because I don't know what I'm coming home to.
She loves him and he adores her but it doesn't seem healthy and I worry about his safety but don't want to upset my mum, she would be devastated if she can't have him but today she let him get burnt in the sun because he didn't want to go in, they were literally in the sun all day and he's red raw. I feel it's about being the grown up and telling him what to do sometimes for his own good.
She has no discipline, how can I change this without ruining mine and my mums good relationship?

She can't do it, he's not safe. You will have to be honest about that I think, and move him, while being as gentle with her as you can. i suspect on some level she will be relieved.

But don't delay, do it soon as the situation sounds quite bad.

if you don't trust your mum to care for you child, you really need to sort out alternative childcare arrangements... it sounds as though you have good reason to be concerned and your son's safety and wellbeing is more important than your mum's feelings, sorry.

If you don't act now then when will you? When he has had a terrible accident? You would never forgive yourself if something happened so I'd sort this ASAP.

can you have a proper talk with her? Maybe she is assuming the doting grandmother role too much when in fact she needs on those days to act like a parent. The sunburn thing well tbh he should have been wearing sun cream. Did she think you'd put some on in the morning?

I think the sunburn gives you the perfect chance to tell her how upset you are and put some boundaries in place.

I agree the sunburn is the perfect opportunity to discuss this as he could have got serious sun stroke!

Maybe she will change if you talk to her about it. A. He needs to be safe and that includes not leaving hot drinks around or leaving him unattended b. He needs to learn boundaries and that sometimes you have to do as you are told.

Re the sunburn I would get one of those 24 hour water proof ones (banana boat is great) and put it on before he goes just in case!

If she doesn't listen then you will have to seek alternative childcare, be sensitive but her feelings can't come before his needs.

Isn't this a bit beyond a chat? OPs mum is neglecting him and she needs to find alternate childcare.

the only real neglect is the sunburn the rest of it isnt actually neglect imo. everyone has moments with los where you think 'eek, x could have happened, y could have happened'. But we move on, it amazes me sometimes anyone survives being a toddler.

Ground rules for both are What's needed imo.

It sounds as though she wants to 'spoil' him because he is her grandson not her son but this situation just isn't sustainable. Kids don't love you any less for giving them consistent boundaries! My mum does childcare for us and I completely understand why you feel awkward about this but I think a serious conversation is needed.
My mum is brilliant with babies but started to struggle to keep up with our very active boys as toddlers. In the end I put them in nursery 'to help socialisation' and she did pick up for me and kept them for an hour. The boys didn't really need to socialise but everyone was much happier and by putting it that way we avoided a lot of upset. she still got to see them and help us.
Do you think your mum is struggling physically and doesn't want to say? If your son is too quick/heavy for her she might not be able to get him in out of the sun or catch him to get suncream on if he is acting up a bit being a toddler.

Born2011, did you provide your Mum with suncream this morning and ask her to use it, knowing it would be hot? Or did you assume she would use her own on your child?

My mum was always lax with safety.

I think it's a generational thing.

Parents now are a lot more risk adverse than in the 70s/80s.

I don't know what the comparative child death rates are.

One time my mum let DS play in socks.he slipped and broke his arm.

I do tell her off for letting him cycle without a helmet though.

Mum I've found this brilliant nursery - I know he loves being with you but I am worried that he needs to socialise more with other kids.

I think I might put him in for a bit and then you can take him out with me at the weekends.

Would it be ok if I put you down as the 2nd emergency contact ??