Talking genitals with 3.6 DD

[libertychick]

My DD is currently very interested in genitals. I am trying to be open and factual but she has found her clitoris and keeps asking me if it's her penis and why is it there! My DH is SAHD and he is mortified that I am using anatomically correct words with her - in fairness he is the one who has to deal with her pointing to people in the supermarket as asking if they have a penis/vagina etc and now he's worried that the 'c' word has been added into the mix.

I'd be grateful if anyone could recommend good books for girls this age and also some strategies/forms of words to use to help her realise that while it's ok to ask us about her body it's not appropriate to discuss in public. I think a book and some set forms of words would help DH too!
TIA

Morning...
I have no advice (sorry)

Ds2 wanted to see where the mouse (tampon) had gone the other day.
He will quite happily wander round sainsburys asking me if someone has a puff or a willy.

I remember Ds1 being the same and just growing out of it.

Hopefully someone will be along soon with some proper advice for you :o

It would be extremely disconcerting to hear a toddler talking about her clitoris. I wouldn't be as specific with her to be honest - she does not at this age need to know names for individual parts (labia etc) - it might make everyone more comfortable if you refer to the whole area as one thing. There are lots of names that people use - foof or foo, for example. And willy for boys. Those will also be easier for your DH to cope with when they're out - people are used to small children asking things like 'does that man have a willy'. It's a lot more embarrassing for him to deal with a three-year old using words like vagina. And to be honest there's no reason they need to know medical-grade terminology as toddlers. It's ok to say tummy instead of abdomen, it's ok to say willy instead of penis. There aren't any books that I know of - it's pretty much up to you and your DH to come up with language you're comfortable with her using to strangers and grandparents and then teach her that. Far better to use slightly 'cutesy' words at this age than to tell her proper names and then tell her she mustn't use them.

And I would personally be horrified if I thought that my three-year old knew the word cunt.

I taught my girls "vulva". Correct and not commonly heard in supermarkets (and thus ignored by passers by). DD1 asked about her clitoris. I told her the name and that it was a part of her vulva. I admit that I was glad that she didn't ask what it is for... DH uses the word "bits" (as in 'wash your bits, please'). The kids seem to use the words interchangeably. Maybe your DH could pick a word he's comfortable with and use that - I'm sure they'll pick it up. We've told them that 'bits' is short for 'private bits', so they are learning to keep that stuff for home!

I think Liberty was referring to clitoris not cunt, when she mentioned the 'c' word ZuleikaD

Oh ok - it was just that she used the word clitoris fine and then later referred to 'the c word' - which is usually cunt.

Just got DD this:
www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1406306061?cache=05bb5908c877addd9cb382ddfe1c0370&pi=SY200_QL40&qid=1402565748&sr=8-1#ref=mp_s_a_1_1

Its recommended from age 4-7ish and in my opinion is very very good. Clitoris is just the name for a body part - nothing wrong with a child knowing it.

And to be honest there's no reason they need to know medical-grade terminology as toddlers. It's ok to say tummy instead of abdomen, it's ok to say willy instead of penis

Tummy and Willy are completely universal and not considered in anyway rude. What completely universal, non rude, name is it that should be used for female genitalia?

There isn't one, which is why it's up to the OP and her DH to come up with something - as I said, there are plenty of terms like foof or whatever. People will know what she means (though I was foxed once by a child referring to her tuppence). There are dozens of threads about terminology on MN.

at the c word confusion. I meant clitoris - I would never use that other word and certainly not to my DD .

I use the word crotch and penis with my children. When they're old enough to understand that shouting out vulva in the supermarket is way too embarrassing then I'll elaborate more.

Thanks for all the responses.

Anni thanks for spotting I didn't mean cunt! How long did it take for your boys to grow out of the public announcements stage?

ZuleikaD thanks but I do prefer to be accurate with her if at all possible - just trying to get the balance between accuracy and saving her Dad's blushes!

schoolsclosed your approach seems to fit with what I'm aiming for - DH does use the word 'bits'. I need to start emphasizing the private element more I think.

itsallgoingtobefine (great name!) thank you for the book recommendation.

lostinindia I hadn't thought of using crotch! Reminds me of the nuns in school though, it was their preferred term...but yes, a little less disconcerting in public especially for my DH. Personally I am not uncomfortable with DD using vulva publicly but DH hates it.

My dc know the correct terminology of penis and vagina but tend to refer to them as willy and front bottom. None of them have ever asked about their clitoris so I've never thought to talk about it but I would use the word if needs be. I've always been very factual with them and they know that men out their willies in the a woman's front bottom to make a baby just like they know that their bowel makes poo and their kidneys make wee.

IME of 3 dc it's quite normal for them to ask if so and so has a willy etc. it's just a phase of working out the differences between male and female. If dh is looking horrified then she's probrably enjoying his reaction too . Maybe just work out some words that you're both comfortable with but I can assure you that she'll soon get bored and move onto asking some other equally embarrassing thing!

DD has been using vulva from the start. This works really well until her and her big brother find out there's a car called a volvo .

She knows a doctor would call it a vulva but we have a silly, cutesy name for it too.

I think by school age Liberty, at least by then I remember saying we can talk about willys etc at home not in public.

Ds1 has come out with some corkers though...
I think he was in year 2 when he announced that 'john' in his class was having an operation to have his willy chopped off.

A week or 2 later he said that he must have been lying because john had got it out at dinner time, to show everyone... and they'd all had a good look at it whilst eating their packed lunches.

As an afterthought he said that he must have had his peanuts chopped off instead :o

He's 10 now and I think for the past 2 years, we've talked about the proper words for things.