Dealing With Seperated Wife Over Kids Visits

[NormalBloke]

Hi me and my wife seperated a 4 months ago. She wanted the break not me no one else involved but it left me devastated and heartbroken. .We have both moved on into new properties and she was very insistent that I stick to her idea of a custody schedule. I wanted more but in the end I agreed go what she was offering...which is about 2 nights per week.

It has been a real struggle these last few months and I miss her so so much....however in the last month I have began to accept that its probably over and the crying has stopped.

However the only time I get upset now is when I see her face to face when we handover kids (obviously I dont show this to her or the children) ..but also when she is now asking for me to have them extra nights.

I am finding this really difficult go deal within as i wake up in a good and positive mood then I have a text saying can I have them this saturday night when its not my weekend etc.

This is obviously geared around her social life and it hurts as I am wondering what is she planning or who with...I find it very stressfull this request for extra nights as I am grieving the loss of my wife.......and dont want to be reminded by her she of her new life and plans.

I dont know what to do as yes it would be great to see more of the kids but just at the minute I dont know whether I can handle it. Pathetic I know but its eating away at me.
Maybe in 6 months time or when It stops hurting about missing her and i dont care what she is doing I would be more than happy to take on extra.

So far I have asked for 2 changes in the last few months and she said no.....either she "had plans" or "no you need to stick to the schedule"

Can anyone out there guide me to make the right decision

I do think you should take the children for any extra days she asks for if possible, although I totally understand why it hurts, wondering what she's up to.

Have you come to any legally binding arrangements yet or is it all still informal?

How old are your children btw?

I remember you posting before. I'm sorry your marriage has ended but in the kindest way possible you need to stop and think about the reality of what you're suggesting.

You're actually considering turning down time with your children because you don't want to see your ex for a couple of minutes because it upsets you. That's ridiculous (i know that's harsh, I'm hoping it'll help you). You're priority must be your children. Get some counselling to help get over the relationship, it is over and you need to move on.

Personally i would accept all extra nights because i couldn't bear being parted from my kids. I would keep a record including when he request was made and any refusals the other way. And I'd go to a solicitor for a formal arrangement because at the moment, if she feels like it, she can just prevent access until you have gone to court which may take months.

Breaking up is horrible. Using your kids as pawns is obscene. In a nice way, you need to get a grip.

Good luck

I remember you posting before. I'm sorry your marriage has ended but in the kindest way possible you need to stop and think about the reality of what you're suggesting.

You're actually considering turning down time with your children because you don't want to see your ex for a couple of minutes because it upsets you. That's ridiculous (i know that's harsh, I'm hoping it'll help you). You're priority must be your children. Get some counselling to help get over the relationship, it is over and you need to move on.

Personally i would accept all extra nights because i couldn't bear being parted from my kids. I would keep a record including when he request was made and any refusals the other way. And I'd go to a solicitor for a formal arrangement because at the moment, if she feels like it, she can just prevent access until you have gone to court which may take months.

Breaking up is horrible. Using your kids as pawns is obscene. In a nice way, you need to get a grip.

Good luck