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Original poster

Gap between babies?

17 replies

DetentionGrrrl · 05/09/2006 07:47

What are people's experiences with having a small gap between 1st and 2nd baby? My son is 11weeks old, and we originally planned for a 2nd when he was about 3yrs old, but we're so happy, i'm wondering whether to start after we get married (when baby will be nearly one) Am i mad?

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Medulla · 05/09/2006 07:51

My gap between 1 and 2 is almost exactly 2 and a half years. It has worked really well for me as my DD was able to be my helper once the baby arrived, getting nappies and wipes etc. Would like a 3rd but don't know what do next time. Ideally I would wait for the same age gap but for me it's my age that causes me concerns (I'm 35) so wondering wether I should just crack on with it now which would mean a 22 month age gap! Descisions decisions! Good luck whatever you decide, glad to hear you are enjoying motherhood so much

LittleMonkeysMum · 05/09/2006 09:01

DD is 10 months old and next baby is due in January, there will be a 14 1/2 month age gap. I'll let you know!!!!!!!!

3andnomore · 05/09/2006 10:46

Hm, had a large agegap between ds1 and 2...6 1/2 years, and have to say it was lovely for me, as it was sort of like having to first children...we didn't quite set out to have this agegap, but it was really nice!
Ds2 and 3 are only 21 month apart, so, I found out I was pg with ds#3 when ds2 was 13month old....well...I found it really tough this time, but must admit that the agegap was only part of the problem (ended up with Emergency C-section that time, and he was crying so much and was just really hard work until recently)!
Now my ys is 2 and my ms is 4 in november...and I still find it tough now, but it is getting easier and it is so lovely when they play nicely together, sadly they seem to fight a lot, too, which isn't as nice, lol!
I think there is no such thing as the perfect agegap though and that big agegaps have as many good and bad points as close ones...it's such an individual thing what suits each family!
Saying all this...it's very normal to feel broody after just having a Baby...as one comes to miss the feeling of being pg, etc..and then there are those hormones, sigh...just wait a lil and see how you fele in a few month time i would say!

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Xavielli · 05/09/2006 10:57

there are 15months between Ds and Dd. I love it, they are so good together. It is hard work and you could do with about 6 arms! It is much more fun than having one.

calebsmum · 05/09/2006 15:26

DS is 18mths and were currently trying for a second. There's never a perfect time to have a second or a third ect. Just go with what feels right for you...

MrsApronstrings · 05/09/2006 15:30

i have a two yr gap, a three yr gap, and a four year gap (though not in that order) and I would definately say that for me the larger gap was easier, more enjoyable etc, and the smallest was def the hardest.

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DetentionGrrrl · 05/09/2006 15:30

Well there's 18 mths between me and my younger brother, and my mother says it wasn't any harder- i suppose there isn't an ideal age gap. At least i've got the threat of a wedding dress to make me wait another 9mths before i even think about trying!

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Olihan · 05/09/2006 15:33

I've got 19 months between ds and dd and will have 16 months between dd and dc3. I love having ds and dd close together, they play together, cuddle, entertain each other and fight a lot too. The early few months after dd was born were really hard, no question but it's worth it, all of it.

2Happy · 05/09/2006 15:36

There will be about 20m between ds and the baby I am pg with. My mother reacted really badly and says it's too small a gap and we won't cope etc etc Everyone else is either more polite, or doesn't agree. In fact I've spoken to a few who've said 20-24m is perfect. Some people say it's hard at first, but I think so much depends ont he baby - if it's a non-sleeping, crying colicky baby it's going to be hard whatever the gap isn't it? Plus a few people who had big gaps (5 or 6 years) said they found it very tough, their older child was quite demanding plus they'd got out of the habit of sleepless nights and nappies etc. But I agree on balance with other posters - there is no ideal gap, just go for it when you feel ready

wanderingstar · 05/09/2006 17:10

I had a 20m gap between ds1 and 2; hard initially but well worth it to see their interactions as soon as ds2 became more mobile. they've remained great buddies and are now 11 and 13. I've also had a 3 year gap and a 5 year gap. All's well now but ideally would have liked to make the 5y gap a smaller one; we couldn't as dh was on meds which were incompatible with conceiving .

There are good things and bad about the big gap too; the 3 eldest have gained so much from learning to empathise with a baby/toddler (he's now 2.5). I see that as my compensation for waiting an extra 2 or 3 years before having him !

PetitFilou1 · 05/09/2006 17:11

I think it depends on what you are like as parents. I have a 19 1/2 month gap and I found the first six/seven months very hard to the point where I thought me and dh were going to get divorced but..... now dd is 1 and ds is 2.8 (almost) it is far far easier and I can see how great it will be when they are 3 and 4. The problem for me was the sleep deprivation which turns me into a witch from hell on wheels and ds was still a baby really when dd was born. If you are laid back and flexible you won't mind a small age gap. I love mine to bits but sometimes wish I'd left a bigger gap - ds is at a really nice stage and I wish I'd had a bit more time with him on his own, although..... I think he benefits from having a sibling. Six of one and half a dozen of the other really!

Peridot30 · 05/09/2006 18:18

ihave a 22month gap between my dd and ds and they get on great...well most of the time! ds now4.9 and dd is2.11. i wouldnt say it was harder having them close together just things took longer. there was a 5yr gap between my brother and i and we fought like cat and dog. so i always said i would have a smaller gap.

Emskilou · 05/09/2006 18:21

I have a 14 month gap between my dd and ds and I'm a single mum, my exdh left when I was 3 months prg with ds and dd was 8 months old, and I can honestly say its fine, yes I have tough days but I am amazed how my dd helps me with ds! Do what you feel is right, there is no right and wrong time IMO, hope this helps x

harrisey · 05/09/2006 18:27

We have 2 years between 1 and 2, then 21 months between 2 and 3. It is hard going sometimes but they are all very close. It was hard work when we had 3 under 4! But it was got them all past the baby stage at once - no more getting up in the night, no more nappies now, etc etc.

hana · 05/09/2006 18:29

I got preg when dd2 was one - I will have a 21 month gap - am dreading it really - gap between dd1 and dd2 was fantastic - just over 3 years - dd1 could talk, was potty trained, had started preschool.....just lots of independence. She understod about me having a baby

dd2 hasn't a clue I'm sure and I'm feeling v sorry for the soon to be middle girl!

having said that - I'm sure it will all work out fine. YOu don't always get the gap you would line - and whatever you end up with you just make work for you

kittywits · 05/09/2006 18:40

The smallest gap I've had is 14 months, that was quite tough teh other shave been about 2 years. this last one will be 15 months.
Lots of people have small gaps. there are pros and cons to all gaps!

Saturn74 · 05/09/2006 19:00

There is a 23 month age gap between my two children, and it has worked out brilliantly. It was hard work when they were tiny, but is great now. They are both boys, so they like similar things. I was keen to have two children within a short space of time, and I'm glad we did.

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