How many parties?

[scotslass]

My ds just started back at pre-school today for his second year and as we went in there were party invitations on the pegs. It got me thinking that in all the time he has been there he hasn't been invited to any of the childrens birthday parties.

He is a really lovely little boy and his teacher is really happy with him and his progress. Do you think he doesn't get asked because of me? I am quite shy (appear a bit stand-offish sometimes). We moved a lot when I was a child due to my dad's job and I had hoped that making friends was going to be easier for my ds.

I feel really sad for him. Do you think I am being over sensitive?

He will be 4 next month.

In my experience thr party thing doesn't really kick in until the second year. DD did go to a couple last year but only to families I knew through previously having DS1 there. She just has her first invite from a kid we didn't know before.

if its pre-school then yes, sorry, I do think it is because you don't know the parents

don't worry it will change when he gets to reception / year 1

I agree that you don't need to be worrying - he's still very young - and at this age many invites will arise because parents know each other. I agree with trefusis - you need to let it all wash over you - it isn;t a big deal.

I have felt the same, scotslass, but I found I just had to shrug it off.
Didn't get much better until Yr1, ime. I suspect it doesn't until the kids are age 6+ and really aware about who their own friends are.

actually I disagree, invitations for dd and ds at nursery have come or not come irrespective of whether I know the parents. I hardly ever drop off and collect because I work and our nanny doesn't chat to any parents.
it is an absolute minefield, all the kids say they want x or y to come to the party one day then they say they want a or b the next.
I have totally embarrassed myself recently because DD told me with tears in her eyes that there was an invitation for her in her lunchbox - there wasn't - I rang the nursery to see if it had been left behind - this got translated into phoning the birthday boy's mum - she rang me saying 'so sorry (DD) was upset, I will send her an invitation tomorrow' - makes me look as though I had rung up to ask why DD wasn't invited. Now i think I will pretend that DD can't go after all, i feel so embarrassed.
If you think your ds would like to have more contact outside pre-school why not start by asking some friends round? soon enough he will be in on a round of invitations. Will you be having a party for him? that can also trigger a round of reciprocal invites, but the actual party itself won't really form any bonds, it will just be a wild caterwaul of howling sugar frenzy.

don't pretend she can't go .. that would be intensely rude and insulting

instead send a quick note to the mother and explain the situation - anyone with a child would understand that happening .. you don't really need those social conventions when you're talking about a child ...honestly

(some people manage to invite the entire class to parties .. I do think it changes as the children get older and have more of a say)

you're right Twiglett, I am making a bit of an issue about it. Thanks.

Thanks for the reassurance everyone. I'm just going to relax about it. My ds is mixed race and we live quite a posh white middle class area, so I think I sometimes read too much into things.

Thanks again xx