How do you successfully get your small dc's to keep their rooms tidy?

[Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme]

I have two dds aged 7 and 5. They have a bedroom each and a playroom downstairs. The youngest isn't too bad but the eldest is very messy and very lazy and would rather sit and sulk in her room all day than spend half an hour tidying it up.

So far I have tried

Doing it myself/helping them
Bribing with toys/sweets/money
Taking toys away
Binning toys if not tidied

I once caught her putting clothes, books and toys into a bin bag to throw away because she couldn't be bothered to tidy them up.

I have now ranted at her because we were meant to have a family day out today on the condition that they tidied up first. It would have taken them ten minutes. Needless to say we didn't go, dh has shouted at them and I'm fed up. I couldn't go back on the threat, I have to be consistent and follow punishments through.

She has now begrudgingly had a bit of a tidy up. What a bloody waste of a lovely sunny Sunday.

What else can I do to make her see that she had to be responsible for her own things?

Bump.

Hmm. You said you'd already tried taking toys away, to no effect. Maybe you could do that to the max - take EVERYTHING away for a couple of days and let them get so bloody bored they are incredibly grateful when their stuff comes back. Your call if you can cope with all the moaning that would inevitably entail, though

If clothes are also an issue, do the same with them - take nearly everything, just leave a couple of outfits that are plain, functional and generally boring.

Also, and I'm not being a judgmental arse or anything here, just wondering - could it be that they just have too much stuff in general? So much that they don't value any of it in particular? If so, would it be worth having a big clear out and cutting down permanently on the amount they have? And make them come with you to take the cleared-out stuff to a children's charity/hospice or similar, in the probably vain I know hope that it might give them some inkling that they are very lucky to have so many nice things.

I pay my 7 year old. £3 if she does it with no help, £2 if she needs a bit of help (lifting a heavy box or helping her hang clothes up), a pound if she's constantly asking what to do with this or that. We do it about every couple of weeks, which is enough to stop me feeling properly annoyed by the state of it. I sit next door in my bed drinking coffee so she doesn't feel lonely and she actually tends to quite enjoy it.

I agree with pp. Maybe she has so much stuff that she doesnt appreciate things? Also maybe she needs to tidy little and often. Half an hour is a long time! I would encourage every morning and before bedtime that she has a little routine of doing a tidy.

Oh my god if I have to ask her one more time I will implode. We are always telling her to keep her room tidy. She hasn't really got that much stuff, it's a lot of paper and books and hair bands and socks and just general clutter.

I can't Hoover in there, I'm afraid I'll Hoover up something.

And the playroom does my head in, it's right between the kitchen and living room - it was a dining room - so it's constantly on view. It's full of papers, books, pencils, etc. they pull the cushions off their sofa and scatter them all over the floor to settle down on the floor with a book. Then they'll leave everything all over the floor.

They haven't got tons and tons of toys but what they have got they manage to make a stupid amount of mess with. They definitely take it for granted. They don't care if I threaten to throw stuff away.

I don't seem to be getting through to them.

Ah, ok, in that case I revise my opinion somewhat. So they know this issue drives you up the wall, right? I reckon they could be like this just because they know it drives you right up the wall.

Not totally sure what to suggest next, though! If it's turning into a massive control issue/power struggle, normally I'd be in favour of just backing right off. You're not going to win this way, so make a conscious decision not to care any more, and stick to it. It won't be the end of the world if their bedrooms and playroom don't get hoovered for a while. Don't give them this as an easy tool with which to push your buttons.

How would you feel about that?

FWIW I was dreadfully untidy as a teen, not sure why but it seems to be a common thing. I can't imagine what would have changed my ways, until in the end I just naturally grew out of such slovenly habits. My mum just used to let the mess in my room slide right by her - with the occasional exclamation of disgust, and commando raids to recover coffee mugs (I think my best-ever total was 14 at once).

Maybe just have the bare minimum in her room. So there isn't ever much to put away. As an adult I get overwhelmed if there is too much to put away (my own things) and find I retreat to a cup of tea rather then tackle.
With the play room I'd suggest similar less toys available. That way they can't flit from one activity to another too much. In our house we also have a toys away before TV rule. Things don;t get in the right boxes but it's better then nothing. DS is only 3 so the promise of ben and holly or peppa pig is pretty huge.

My dd (10) is on her last warning this week. She is incredibly messy and this morning I told her that I am going to strip her room of everything but uniform and one outfit for weekends if she doesn't keep it tidy. Just usable I want.

She can't do her homework on her debt as it's piled with stuff. She doesn't shut her drawers or her wardrobe ever and the chaos is affecting her ability to do things that need to be done and get ready for the day.

Kids don't always know how to turn 'tidy up' into something they can do.

I Find you need to give them specific tasks.

Go and put all of the cushions back on the sofa and come back to me once it's done. 3 minutes later, you give them their next job. Put all of the pencils back in the pot and so on.

I let my ds keep his desk messy as long as the floor is tidy. I tell him that any toys on the floor will be hoovered up.

Every day I ask him to open his curtains and make his bed, so at least those tasks are done. And generally speaking, one tub of toys goes away before another comes out.

Is there a place for everything? Because it sounds like there is a lot of stuff. What is storage like? I was a messy child and it was partly because I didn't quite know where to begin. As an adult I do better with little and often.

De clutter to make it easier. I think it's unrealistic to ask children of that age to 'tidy' tbh you need to give them specific jobs.

I can't get that worked up about messy bedrooms tbh, if they are that messy then they have too much stuff imo.

Big baskets/containers and scoop everything onto them.

I'm stunned you missed a family day out because of a messy bedroom they're small children not teens.

We have the trusty ikea Trofast here, one unit stacked on top of another. Each tub has a laminated label showing a photo and name of the contents. DD is 4 and this system has seriously revolutionised our organisation. Everything has it's place, she can find what she wants easily, I can ask her to put away one lot before she gets anything else out, and tidy up time is far far easier now that I can just say 'right DD, put all the dollies in the dolly box' etc.

Also senc

Oops sorry - also second PPs who have said reduce the amount of 'stuff' - we have regular clear outs as the seasons change and after birthday/Christmas etc - lots of stuff is given away but anything she's not ready to part with goes up into the loft for a while. The next time we do a toy sort out we bring them down to be reviewed again

At that age I would go super strict and take everything non essential to existing and store it in the attic. When she can keep an empty room respectable every weekend she would get one or two things back, say a book and a toy. Make sure everything has a specific home and it gets put back there. Mine are 3 and 4 yrs and know where their toys go to the point of if I rearrange their storage system they freak. We have 'quick tidy up before bedtime' every night but I explain that we do this so they don't hurt their feet standing on toys when they come into my bed in the early hours. 4yr old had almost stopped doing this now though.

We have the trofast system in the playroom and those three tier character shelves with nine little boxes in their bedrooms.

I'm stunned you missed a family day out because of a messy bedroomshock they're small children not teens.

Tidy rooms? I stopped caring. T'was win/win. Especially when they were teens - if they wanted to live in a pit why should I argue? There are better things to argue about.

Why is a tidy room so important? Just close the door.

Running-exactly! When your kids are grown you will remember the fun days out not if they kept their rooms tidy.

Wel it was only a trip to the park, nothing big, and we'd been out on the Saturday anyway.

Tbh it was more dh than me. He gets really stressed about having a tidy house and then we all suffer. I sat out in the garden yesterday, reading the paper and drinking tea, and he turned the living room upside down cleaning and tidying. Then he got on to the dc's and it just escalated. They do drive me bonkers as well though.

Some brilliant suggestions though. I like the one job at a time idea, and not turning it into an issue. Dh will take some convincing about just leaving it!

My dd (7) is the same. She too was overwhelmed and never knew where to start. We now decide on an amount she has to tidy so depending on how messy it is, she has to tidy 20/50/100 items. I also give her the option of doing 20 items each day or a huge 150 item tidy up at weekends.

It sounds like Dh has the problem not your kids. You all suffer because he likes a tidy house?

we use bribes, and lots of direction
agree you need good, easy to reach storage so that they can figure out what goes where

i also think that without getting too anal, you need to intervene by helping with a quick tidy session before it gets overwhelming. I was aware that my 3yo has toys out both in her room and the sitting room, so I bribed her with some Cbeebies time to clear up the sitting room. If I'd left both until bedtime it would have been too much for her, and there would probably have been shouting on both sides.