Shouted at tantruming 1 year old and feel bloody awful

[Saltedcaramel2014]

DS (1) is a fun, nice baby. Challenging on the sleep front but good natured. He wouldn't eat dinner today and the last few days has been seriously clingy and whingy. But I feel like the problem is me - I'm stressed with work, mil terminally ill, planning a quick wedding. Start each day at 5am after broken sleep. I feel like he picks up on my stress and it's ruining him. He's so happy with my mum and his dad. All I can think is how important these first years are and I shouted at him to shut up. I never thought I'd be so horrible. I feel like he hates me. When I cuddles him afterwards I felt like I was training him to accept my horrible behaviour. I'm normally more balanced than this... Is it normal to lose your temper? He's just so physical and strong. I feel scared of losing control, though I know is never actually hurt him

Completely normal, I shouted too. Don't be so hard on yourself x

Don't worry it is normal.

Could he by any chance be teething? My DD had been whinging for days, and I just realised it may be teething and gave her some dentinox, and the whinging has decreased (though she is still doing my head in)

Very normal, it's hard being a parent in itself, let alone throwing in the stresses you are going through. Don't beat yourself up, he won't remember and if you feel like you're losing it, stick him in his cot or another baby-proofed area with a few toys to distract. I have two under two, and that's my coping mechanism when faced with tantrums or screaming fits. They calm down and you calm down.

Thank you for wise words, and kindness. I feel so much better now he's in bed. Reading it back I can see how normal it was. It didn't feel normal. Needed a reminder that he won't remember/will forgive me! And yes I do think he's teething, he got his first molar last week. I seem to totally forget this in the moment though. Once he's crying my brain switches off.