Introverts with extrovert children

[TheKitch]

Looking for advice on how introverts deal with their extrovert children.

I'm an introvert and need to 'step back' regularly. I'm worried that I'm damaging my relationship with DS (10 mo) as he's so full on, and there at times when I don't want anyone (even him) near me. There are days when I just want to reclaim my own head space, and have a bit of time with us together but not interacting (if you know what I mean?)

Am I psychologically damaging him, or is it fine for him to learn that we all need our space every now and then?

I'm like that. I've never even considered that I might be damaging my kids for needing a bit of time to myself. I'm not going to consider it either as I don't think it's a problem at all. You can't be constantly engaging with your children - it'd be exhausting! I wouldn't have left them on their own as such, but I do have down-time in the same room as them. Generally I stick the TV onto cbeebies and I'll read a book, play with the iPad or just stare at the wall for 30 mins. Kids need to learn to entertain themselves too.

Meant to say, when DH gets home I often retreat into our bedroom and shut the door. I'm a SAHM so can't get much timeo myself really unless someone else is available to look after the smalls (23m and 4m).

No, I'd never leave him. Just feel terrible sometimes when he's crying and mamama ing, scrambling to get onto the sofa with me, and I just don't want him there.... 'Please leave me alone kid. We spend ALL our time together. Just give me five minutes to sit here and drink my coffee'.

SAHM too. You do wonder how they always want more of our time, when we're with them all day as it is??

Think it may be time to start putting him an crèche for an hour or two when I need some down time.

I think most people need their own space.Sounds normal, healthy and sane to me.

I remember feeling the same about mine when they were little. It gets better, I assure you! But, if he's only 10 months you still have a quite a few months ahead...(sorry)

I am mostly extrovert, but I also like to be alone and I need quiet time and time to myself. As the dc have become less reliant on me, I'm showing them how they need to play quietly, wind down before bed and that mum and dad also need time to do their own things etc.

Creche sounds good. I used to do sports/hobby for 1 x hour a week, 3 x a week. The only way i could get out of the house without them.
Friends or relatives who can babysit or do a babysitting swap thing with?
Hope you have some time to yourself soon!

Yes! DD loves to chat to strangers on the bus and in shops... and I just want to sit quietly unnoticed...

Even extroverts don't want to constantly engage with their babies - there is only so much you can get out of conversing with somebody who is non-verbal and has completely different interests!

You aren't damaging your baby. He may never get his head around the idea that you are not there on tap 24/7 to answer to his every need - some children are just like that. However, that doesn't mean that you are doing anything wrong when you try to set boundaries.

Have another child then he will have to learn that mummy isn't always available???

I definitely need time alone! I'm 'me' as well as 'mum'! DSs won't benefit from me being frazzled, but will benefit from me having the occasional break so I can then focus on them better.

Currently enjoying a cuppa as DS1 (2 on Sunday) is finally down for his doze, having taken his nappy off twice to get me back upstairs as he didn't want to doze despite being knackered and DS2 (14 weeks) is asleep on his blanket on the floor.

Sometimes I'll pop CBEEBIES on for DS1, put DS2 in his bouncy chair in the kitchen with me and listen to music and bake. Sometimes I just say 'no' to DS1 so I can have a cuppa and sit and watch him / BBC News 24 or check my email. I do play with them down on the floor and we do go out and do stuff, but sometimes I need headspace.

Best advice I can give is to ensure your DS has his naps so you get some time apart and if he doesn't want to nap, he has quiet time in his cot (building this up if he's not happy on his own yet, obviously!). I'm fairly rigid about DS1 being in his own company for an hour and a half / two hours a day while he naps or has quiet time - he needs to learn to be alone and much as I need the space. To be fair, it seems to be working well as he loves playing with me or DH but will also accept a 'no' if we want a break or I need to do something with DS2 while DH is at work (I'm still on maternity leave). He occasionally shows a little bit of jealousy when I feed DS2 by stealing the feeding cushion or the muslin, but on the whole has been brilliantly accepting of his little brother, while still happily sociable with his friends and other people. Minimal psychological damage in evidence so far!