Sharing Care?

[60234]

Had a new baby recently and having lots of arguments with partner about responsibilities. I work and they don't but they think I should be taking more care of the baby. When I'm not at work I already do look after the baby and we take it in turns at night. It's really frustrating - they don't seem to like being a parent and want to ruin my work. Money isn't a problem and we have the option of a nanny but partner would rather argue and blame me for not helping. We have no relatives or good enough friends nearby that can help either.

Are they being unreasonable not wanting to take care of the baby and just go socialize/gym/etc? I'm trying to compromise but it's driving me mad with the constant demands

Any suggestions?

I don't really understand. If you're at work then obviously you can't look after the baby while you're there. You can help when not at work but you say you already do.

Is your partner saying they want you to work less, or to help more when not at work?

A good rule of thumb is that you should both get a similar amount of time to sleep, or socialise/go to gym/footie etc.

So if your DP is at home with the baby and you are working, you're even. If you're sharing equally the baby and housework jobs when you're both at home, that's fair. If your both sharing overnight feeds, to a certain extent that's fair too, though if one partner has to drive to work or works in a high pressure job where sleep deprivation could cost lives (bus driver, brain surgeon) then that person must get a decent block of sleep on work nights.

It can be incredibly difficult being at home with a baby, physically and psychologically, so the partner out at work should be prepared to be handed the baby on arrival home IMHO. Just so sahp can get some head space, even if that's to go out the washing on or make dinner.

Having a new baby puts a massive strain on a relationship. You need to talk.