Playgroup... at last attempt dd just wouldn't settle and I had to take her out... next attempt starts tue, how can I make it work this time?

[emkana]

I'm really truly dreading it, dd, even though she is three now, has still some very clingy tendencies. We tried her at playgroup from Feb to April this year, but she got more and more hysterical as time went on, and she would literally scream for ages and ages until I would come back, no distracting her.
Now she's already sometimes close to tears when we talk about her starting again next week, but I SO need it to work this time, I need her to be away from me sometimes!!! Also if she doesn't do this now what happens when she starts school next year???
Anybody got any good tips please?

Not sure if this is an option but is there a different playgroup?
When the twins were young we sent them to a playgroup. It was lovely and the staff were great but one of the twins always cried and it was awful. We changed them to a different one and she never cried again
I think the way the staff dealt with a crying, clingy child was just different in the new playgroup.
Dd4 has just finished the same playgroup (the 2nd attemet one of the twins) and she never cried once

The thing is she has a friend at this PG and the thought of playing with her sort of appeals to dd.

Ok, can you arrange for you and her friend's mum to meet up and walk to playgroup together. Or suggest to dd that her friend comes to play afetr PG maybe the thought of heving her to play after will be enough to keep her happy while going in etc...

Does she not settle at all after you leave??
What do the staff do when she is crying and you have left?

My sister in law had the exact same thing and she decided to not send her anywhere until Nursery which starts in 2 weeks.

What if someone else could take her in instead of you?

In spring she didn't settle at all, she actually got worse every time.
The staff tried to distract her, but no good, and they tried to just leave her, but that was no good either.
I also tried to stay with her for a few weeks to build up her trust in the staff, but that didn't help either.

What do you think of bribery, I was thinking of collecting a certain amount of stickers say to get a toy she really wants?

I am all for bribery if it works

Fingers crossed because she is older now she may have a better understanding and settle more quickly xx

All I can say is don't give up. when my dd started at nursery (age 3.4) I was expecting a few tears but he just didn't settle for ages really. I had to stay with him every morning for the first 6 weeks and then he cried when I left him for the next 3-4 weeks and them one morning dp took him, he didn't cry and was fine after that! He always wanted to go though so I knew there was nothing wrong.

I know its hard but I used to always go to collect him with a big smile on my face and really be enthusiastic about the place (it was a brilliant nursery with great staff). I used to feel a bit silly when he was crying and screaming and i'm asking "did you have a lovely day" smiling like a cheshire cat!

Anyway he's 5 now. Started school last year which was the making of him - settled straight in, loads of friends, enjoys lessons etc.

Believe me - it might not feel like it at the moment but she will get there.

bump in case there are more ideas of things to try

try again

my son cried for weeks while i was settling him, i had to walk away, but he settled into it. i felt so sad, but it was good for him in the long run

emkana no advice at all just empathy. I tried my ds in jan this year and he hated playgroup sobbed etc. Now he starts again tommorow and is 3 next month. I am hoping it will work but sort of dont have a choice as am due no.3 in jan so for his sanity and mine he needs to be out doing something.

m3eant to add we are also doing the friend thing..ds friend is starting with him tommorow so am hoping it will help. Have also been readin the usborne first experinces going to school book with him as it is more a playgroup type setting than school one iykwim.

could she try to take something of hers in to nursery? maybe a fave toy, or something of yours that she has to look after whilst at nursery. or could the nursery staff give her a task as soon as she arrives, may be something like collecting book bags or going off with one of the staff to help put out some toys for the other children to play with. just a couple of ideas. or how about a story, cant think of one off the top of my head, but there must be one about a child starting nursery / school.

I work in a playgroup and we have all our new starters coming from Thursday this week onwards for about a period of 2 weeks. A lot will be unsettled and mums/dads/carers are encouraged to stay for a while and we work together over a few sessions to lessen the distress. Can you stay for the first session and then maybe for an hour the second session and gradually make your excuses e.g mum is going to tescos and will be back after storytime (with a treat). Some children spend an hour a session without mum and gradually this increases. If a children appears distressed for a prolonged period the playgroup will call you. I had a boy last term who came in the door and went straight to the office to ask them to call his mum (who was just walking back to the car) He refused to remove his coat for the entire session. Eventually this all passed and he was a happy, sociable child who bounced into playgroup each session