I may have ASD. I'm trying to work up the courage to go back to the GP to discuss it but last time I saw her she refused me fluoxetine for my depression on the basis that she'd seen me a few months earlier & prescribed sertraline which made me feel so dreadful I couldn't keep taking it but the depression had eased a bit for about a month before getting bad again. When I mentioned ASD she was quick to reassure me that "everyone's on the spectrum", there's "no magic fix" if I do have it & then agreed that I could go back & "state my case" to see if she'd refer me. I booked the appointment but cancelled after having multiple panic attacks about it when it was still weeks away.
I will get my head together enough to see it through eventually - I'm currently on a group CBT course which is more aimed at people with work stress & keeps talking about how good it can feel to socialise. Not helpful for someone who's increasingly agoraphobic & who gets exhausted by social interaction!
In the meantime though, I'm stuck at home with a very busy 2.5 year old who rarely settles to do any activity without it descending into throwing things & a 1 year old who's constantly trying to grab everything in sight, much to the annoyance of his big brother! DS1 is bored with being stuck at home but I just can't bring myself to take him many places. We go to a toddler group once a week & have a nice garden but he's bored with that too now! I don't have the energy to be trying to do activities with him all the time while simultaneously trying to keep DS2 away from him & engaged in something else. Until fairly recently DS1 has been very passive & happy to potter by himself but now anytime I take my eyes off him for a second he's throwing things, hitting his brother, climbing onto the window sill, humping everything in sight...!
I know a lot of this is to do with boredom, the developmental stage he's at & I'm sure he's picking up on my emotional state too which probably isn't helping matters. It's just so draining though. I'm increasingly having to fight the urge just to leave them in front of the TV all day. It's the only thing DS1 will stay focussed on for more than a minute.
The ridiculous thing is, I helped raise my niece at this age, I've nannied for a few friends & have a foundation degree in early childhood development. This is supposed to be my thing but I seem to have completely forgotten everything I've ever done before & feel like I don't have a clue what I'm doing! I've never had sole responsibility for such an active learner as DS1. I came across a few similar children while doing placements on my course but I've forgotten if there were any strategies being used that actually worked. I've heard it said that children are often more likely to listen to other people than their own parents which might explain why I've found other people's children much easier to deal with!
We have little practical help really. My parents are over an hour away, busy with work & looking after my grandmother. DH's parents are 3 hours away. I've tried to talk to local friends but just get told that everyone finds this stage difficult. I'm beyond the odd bad moment though. More at the 'dumping them on someone else's doorstep in the hope of someone else being better at looking after them' end of difficult. I could never bring myself to actually do that though, hence feeling utterly trapped & hopeless at the moment!
Does anyone have any tips on how to get through this phase? Activities which might hold DS1's attention? I find he'll concentrate better if strapped in his chair & will happily spend 20 minutes looking at a book while I'm getting dinner ready. The book would get thrown if I tried to get him to sit by himself & read while not restrained. It's not exactly healthy to keep him in his chair all day though! I feel like if I could just get DS1 calmer then everything would be so much easier! Right now every day feels like firefighting & counting the minutes until DH gets home. I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want my DC living like this. I'm not sure I have the strength to do much about it.
Anyone have an idiot's guide to parenting?! I could do with a step-by-step list from the minute they get up to when I go to bed. If you could also inform the DC that they're supposed to follow this list without argument that would be handy! 