who, if anyone, should i speak to about kids verbal abuse?

[weeonion]

evening folks.

i am not sure where to post this.

To cut a long story short - I have got to know a really nice local mum through DD's nursery and now primary school. I will call her lorraine for this thread i have known her for about 4 years now and chatted through playdates etc. We are both on parent council and have been away with school on residentials / activities

She is seperated from her dh due to domestic violence and she has told me a bit about what went on. Pretty horrific times for her and her 2 kids but they are in a much better position now.

Her DH still has contact with kids and is now in new relationship with another mum at school who has 2 kids - both in same classes as lorraines kids .

fast forward to last week. i was away on school camping trip with dd. This man and his new partner were also on trip with their kids.

The way he spoke to not only his kids but also those of new partner was shocking - very aggressive, demeaning and at times completely out of order, calling them little shits, freaks, weirdos, pains etc. His new partner was pretty much the same about her kids and his also. They never done it in front of teaching staff but were comfortable doing it in front of their kids, our kids and other parents there. I was very uncomfortable with it all and did call them out on it, asking them to stop calling their kids names. They never really supervised the kids but then went ballastic if / when their kids were caught doing something dangerous / against camp rules.

my dilemma is - should i tell lorraine what went on and how her kids were treated by both adults. should i speak to school about it instead?
To me it is abuse and i dont want to be a passive observer in what these kids are put through?

bump?

You should definitely speak to the school about it. It's completely unacceptable on a school trip for that to be going on and the school need to know. Just explain their behaviour on the camping trip to the head teacher exactly how you've described it in your post.

As for telling your friend, I imagine she probably already knows about how he talks to the children, sadly. You probably should discuss it with her as maybe she doesn't know how bad it is or that it's still going on. It's a horrible situation for your friend and her children to be in.

thanks exbrightonball.

i know the school are aware of the domestic violence but have suggested mediation to lorraine as a way to resolve issues (completely against women's aid advice who were involved at the time of seperation and continue to do therapeutic group work with lorraines eldest boy).

I know the kids dont want contact with their father any longer - more so since all their time is now spent with new partner and her kids. The father has told them that this is his new life and family so they just have to get on with it.

I honestly dont think lorraine knows that the new partner speaks to her (lorraine's) kids like that. i was gobsmacked as to how they spoke to each others kids. bad enough to speak to their own but to call the other children such horrible things was grim to witness. New partners child had quite a few toilet accidents over the course of the trip - which both parents pointed out to whole group in front of her and called her "big baby" "bloody embarassment" and other stuff i wont repeat. i really felt for the wee girl.

will try and get to speak to school in morning and invite lorraine out for a coffee and catch up...

Did any other parents witness this? You might also want to encourage them to have a quick word with the school. Simply because if Lorraine seeks to change contact arrangements because of this, the more independent witnesses, the better.

And, yes, I'd tell her, too. She may not know the extent of it. Poor kids and poor Lorraine!

Tell her. I would want to know this, actually feel sick at the thought of that happening to my dc and me not knowing so I could put a stop to it.

Yep -other parents witnessed it too. a few shared raised eyebrows and shocked reactions though no-one else felt comfortable to challenge his behaviour and aggression. He told me to F**k off and mind my own business - he'd speak to his kids in whatever way he wanted to.

Good idea to encourage them to report too so as it is not just my opinion being noted.

thanks