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Original poster

Do you ever REALLY LOSE THE PLOT...?

41 replies

noonar · 02/09/2006 18:37

i feel terrible, i've just really lost it, and had a mega tantrum. not directly AT my kids, but dds- 2 and 4 were within earshot of my door slamming, kicking over of kitchen chairs, stomping about saying 'sod the lot of you...i can't cope anymore etc etc...'

why? dh was not at home today, and by saturday i've really had enough of the monotony of being home alone. dd 1 said was that she wanted cbeebies and i couldnt get the remote to work, and they just kept asking on and on, and then i lost it (cue dreadful stomping about...) they didn't really DO anything wrong, but i had zero patience left after a long week.

i feel awful, dd2 keeps coming up for cuddles but dd1 is staying out of my way.

this doesn't happen often, but when it does , i feel like the crappest mum in the world.

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trinityrhino · 02/09/2006 18:48

i have done it and often when they haven't sctual done anything at that time, just the straw that broke the camels back type thing. It does make me feel like a really shit mum but we have to remember that becoming a mum doesn't make us superhuman or give us the patience of a saint

Original poster
noonar · 02/09/2006 18:51

Thanks trinityrhino, it's easy to think that i'm the only one that behaves like that, from time to time. i can't imagine my frinds losing it in such a spectacular way. think i'd better go and give dds another hug.

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psychomum5 · 02/09/2006 18:58

oh god, don't feel bad.......every mum that I know has done this, and I have too, more than a few times.

I always calm down tho and say sorry, which I am assuming you have already done.

to my mind, I think it really does the kiddies some good at times seeing that we too have a bad day, and to know that it is normal and ok too have these such 'explosive' feelings.

honestly......it hasn't done mine any harm, in fact I think it can make them into kiddies who can empethise well, and mine do that well. they can see when I have had enough (well, most of the time), and so they know to let me either go upstairs till I calm down, or the older two take the smaller ones up to watch a DVD and I have 10mins to myself.

all this is is us reacting to never having a proper break......parenting is so monotinous(sp?), and this is a release valve.

Oh, and a pat on the back for directing it at the kitchen......a much better plan

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Original poster
noonar · 02/09/2006 19:06

th anks, psychomuam, feel much better now! have just been to tlk to dd2 and aplogise/ask for forgiveness. i asked her if i'd made her feel bad, and she said 'a bit', but then smiled and told me her sis had asked what the noise was and she said ' oh that's mummy' in a matter of fact way...ie she's off on one again. should i be concerned that dd aged 4 ignores my outbursts? is it that she's so used to it/ unnerved by it that she withdraws and doesnt react, or is she just not fazed (Sp?) by it, i wonder. i do always apologise and explain why...(tired, stressed etc) but it must still be unsettling for them.

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Original poster
noonar · 02/09/2006 19:07

ps sorry aboy typos/ lack of sense in last post. been a long day.

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CountTo10 · 02/09/2006 19:08

Believe me noonar I have done this and I only have the one child!!! At least you directed it to the kitchen and not the kids. You're not a crap mum - the fact that you feel guilty shows what a great mum you really are I thnk its good that kids realise you're only human sometimes.

littlerach · 02/09/2006 19:09

Yes, I ahd an awful day today.

DH was off getting his other 2 to ours, and dds were just whining non stop. I was trying to tidy a room for stepson to sleep in, and they attacked each other (at leats thst's what it sounded like).
So I shouted loudly at them, or screamed like a fishwife, and out them int heir rooms for 5 mins ehoilw I took lots of deep breaths.

I think I was just really fed up as DH never seems to be here, and he hadn't tidied up ss's room or wrapped his present up, or bought stuff for his party tea.

littlerach · 02/09/2006 19:10

I did apologise to both of them though, and DD1 gave me a hug and said I should have a rest

psychomum5 · 02/09/2006 19:11

I am laughing at the 'no care' attitude of your DD....altho it isn't that funny really.

sorry.....just reminds me of my DD1.....she just flicks her hand and says "oh ignore mummy....she's just got a 'bad day' head on".

Leave it to the kiddies to find the humour tho.

at least she knows it is'nt directed at her, and that she can accept your sorry. You have a good girlie there

Original poster
noonar · 02/09/2006 19:11

thanks ..and i love your username, btw, made me smile...very 'topical'..i should count to ten more often. but at times i get in an explosive mindset when i react without thinking...and can't stop.

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CountTo10 · 02/09/2006 19:14

I know - its hard - I defy anyone to tell me they can keep the happy smiley head on all the time - its just not possible. Sounds like your kids are very understanding though especially your eldest and you've told them that you were just having a moment so they'll be cool. Get them all into bed and have a nice big glass of wine!!

psychomum5 · 02/09/2006 19:16

hey....my user name suits me rather too well sometimes.

in fact, was my eldest that coined it after a particularly bad day in which another (very horrid) mum threatened my kiddies and so I hit her

CountTo10 · 02/09/2006 19:28

hey if someone threatened my kids I'd do the same!!!

psychomum5 · 02/09/2006 19:30

well, I was most relieved to find that the police were on my side!!!!

I called them tho and 'confessed', but she was in the wrong in the first place....yay me

Original poster
noonar · 02/09/2006 19:48

LOL psychomum, was it out of character for you to do that? why did she threaten your kids? glad i'm on the right side of you do spill the beans!

you've all been so kind, don't feel so alone now hey, you've cheered me up so much, i'm cracking (bad) jokes!

still feel a bit crap deep down, tho.

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satine · 02/09/2006 19:52

I do this, from time to time - it's usually as a result of stress in other areas of my life, and I feel wretched afterwards. I make a big point of saying sorry, and explaining why grown ups get cross, and that it doesn't mean we don't love them, but I still feel dreadful about it.

Original poster
noonar · 02/09/2006 19:57

Thanks, satine. I think there's something for said for the expresion of emotion, both good and bad, and I always explain and apologise. dh comes from a family that never express feelings, so i think he finds my behviour hard to understand. dd 1 is very emotionally articulate and i wonder if sharing my human failings with her might on some level be good, although i hate to think of her being frightened of an angry adult,esp if that adult is me.

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christie1 · 02/09/2006 19:59

anyone who hasn't done this at least once is a liar. It is a sure sign you need a little break, when dh gets back, make sure you go off for a few hours at a minimum and do something you really enjoy. Also, it is quite ok to apologize to your kids and explain that adults sometimes make mistakes too. Sometimes, if you can get their, try humour. Turn your stomping into a silly dance and the kids will start doing it and before you know it you all are laughing. Dont worry, your kids will forgive and forget.

Krythia · 02/09/2006 19:59

I lost it tonight too with my ds1, and too felt dreadful, but I guess that everyone on this thread is teaching their kids a really important lesson - how to say sorry when you are wrong. My mother has never once apologised to me in 35 years, which has fired me up to make sure I respect my own children and let them know when I am in the wrong that I can say sorry - how else will they learn? Also, I really think children need to know they can push you too far! And if that isn't always quite as controlled as the experts would expect, then lets at least comfort ourselves we're not alone

psychomum5 · 02/09/2006 20:04

she was and still is the most horrid woman!!!

it all started becuase she had allowed her then 5yr old son out alone.....he then ran in front of my DH driving home, and he almost hit him.

DH got out to check him and to offer to go home with him, as he was rightly shocked and upset (bear in mind this was a busy road, and not near his own home....was luck in a way it was my DH who recognised him.)

Anyway.....another woman saw and offered to take over.....the little boy seemed happier with this as he didn't actually know my DH, yet he knew the woman by name.....

DH thought it all sorted.....

one whole week later this woman approached my friend and had a go at her,whilst blind drunk, screaming that my DH and almost fatally wounded her son.....(which was clearly untrue as the little boy protested...)

My friend put her straight....which wasn't well liked....leading her to then go for me outside the school gates the next day, and threaten to KILL my children, who were in fact stood by me!!!!...

so I hit her, and then called the police!!!

They were on my side, especially as when they went to talk to her, she ATTACKED the police.

kiddies went to school, and DD1 said I had gone psycho......

Original poster
noonar · 02/09/2006 20:08

sounds like you were totally justified, my dear

OP posts:
satine · 02/09/2006 20:08

I reckon that's the single best thing about mumsnet - it provides lots of down to earth reassurance that being a parent is hard and that we all fall short of the ideal from time to time. Sometimes in rl mums don't like to admit this sort of thing, so it's easy to get that awful feeling that everyone else is perfect and you're unfit to be a parent. It means a lot to me!

Original poster
noonar · 02/09/2006 20:09

Good point, satine. i was worried for a minute after first posting, that i'd get replies saying that i was damaging my children. i needn't have worried, you're all so kind xxx

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Krythia · 02/09/2006 20:18

If you want to see an example of unkindness, check out the antidepressants duirng pregnancy thread! I am using every ounce of self restraint not to respond to anne b

CountTo10 · 02/09/2006 20:19

Go psychomum!!! I can't belive that - I mean outside the schoolgate ffs!!! Fair play to you though especially for approaching the police yourself.

I too like mumsnet for the fact that it is a totally honest arena where you can get some reassurance that you're not the only one!!