looking for some opinions here.
to set the scene im a ftm currently on maternity leave with 4 month old.
my partner works 12 hour shifts 4 on, 4 off days/nights.
had a traumatic birth, have a baby that has had colic, has reflux and is quite high needs.
my partner is a great dad when he is here. he was also very supportive throughout my pregnancy.
however, thinga have been gradually deteriorating and im on the verge of calling it quits.
i take the lead on child care near enough 100%of the time. when he is at work i take care of all household stuff, and he sleeps in a separate room so he isnt too tired at work. even on the nights he is here and not working i dont get a break, i still take the lead (because if i didnt he wouldnt respond to the babies needs quickly enough) and loads our freetime up with family visits, time with his friends etc so i still dont get a break. he drinks quite a lot and oftwn to the point where in my opinion he is not in a reaponsible state to take care of the baby, so i still dont get a break.
he knows im struggling -ive repeatedly told him. however recently he went away for the night with friends, and didnt think to contact me once throughout the day -just to see how we were. when i finally got hold of him he was absolutely smashed and told me i was a nightmare for being upset cos he hadnt been in touch.
i GET that he needs to decompress after work etc, and he works damn hard BUT i am so tired and worn dow by conatantly being the responsible one in CASE he decides to get himself into a state that ive had enough!
it never seems to be my turn to relax and be me! he offers to look after the baby whilst i relax BUT im too tired to want to do anything when that comes round and honestly dont trust him 100% not to drink too much and fall into a deep sleep and not respond to he baby.
whay do i do? the last thing i want is to create a lot of upheaval for us but the fact is it feels as though my entire existance has changed 100% of the time and hes just a dad when he oftwn gets to wind down and be 'him' again to hell with the consequences cos he knows ill pick the peices up.