' Moulding' a child' s behaviour

[MargotLovedTom]

I'm just interested to know how far is too far in attempting to mould a child's behaviour. Our three dc are really 'full on' children (age 5.11, 7.10 and 9.8) and it is very often exhausting. There are no SN involved, they're just 'don't walk if you can run, don't talk if you can shout, don't sit if you can jump about, don't ignore eachother if you can bicker' types and it is bloody relentless and tiring.

We went out for a nice BH afternoon at a NT place and we did have a good time but I felt like DH and I were spending a lot of time telling themthey didn't need to shout , to calm down a bit, to stop shrieking, etc etc. Any activity, such as the park, involves them yelling 'Mum, Mum, Muuuuuum!!! LOOK AT ME, WATCH ME!!!!!!" all at once and sometimes I feel like my bloody head is going to explode. A trip anywhere results in them trying to pull us in different directions simultaneously to show us something, and it seems we're constantly saying 'Wait your turn, X was speaking first, I'll look at that in a moment' instead of just relaxing and being.

I appreciate they have tremendous zest for life but it just feels manic sometimes. I worry about dampening down their personalities and expecting then to be quiet, self contained little souls when they're clearly not built that that way but we are exhausted!

Does anyone have a similar situation or any advice please?

Oh dear. I feel for you. My situation is rather different but no less tiring, your family life sounds noisy, but fun and friendly. Find a NT place with a maze, then you and dh run off to the tea room and hide for 10 minutes.

Well you're right in that it's noisy, I'd hope it's mostly fun and friendly but tbh it's getting more stressy than anything else. The noise gives me a headache and the bickering and tale telling is a real downer. I think holiday times obviously bring it into sharper focus when we're together more.

The maze wouldn't work - within 15 seconds we'd hear "Muuuuum! Daaaaad! Look what I've found. MUUUUUMM????!!!!!"

Thanks. What you mentioned about your teenage years is what I worry about - by frequently telling them to quieten down/calm down we're attempting to suppress their natural personalities which will be harmful in the long run.

I do ensure they have physical let-off steam time but as I said that turns into "Look at me on the monkey bars, LOOK AT MEEEEE!" "Look at my handstand! LOOK!" "Why weren't you watching????!!" ad nauseum.

Anyone else have this experience and what is the best way to tell them to chill the fuck out without messing them up?!

Bump.

I have three DDs (6 yo DTs & 3yo) and I get this a lot too, especially between the DTs. I think it's an attention seeking thing and the only thing I find that helps is making room for a bit of 1:1 time with each of them. One of my DTs is a real praise junkie too - constantly shrieking "Look at meeeeeee!" and it is very wearing, so you have my sympathies. Mine quite like judging each other at the park, on the trampoline, etc so this might work for you. Two sit and watch the third, give a score and then they have to take turns. Means you get a break from dishing out praise too!

That sounds like a good idea if it didn't descend into "X is being really mean and given me a rubbish score" which knowing my lot is quite possible.

It is wearing isn't it? I feel like snapping Oh ffs I've seen you do a handstand hundreds of times, I don't need to avidly watch another one!!! but obviously I don't.

It sounds as if there is a bit of sibling rivalry going on. Being in competition for your attention , making the most noise and squabbling. It's all classic signs.
There are specific stratagies you can use help it. There are a few books on it. I would get one as it will help you understand the behaviour and help you tackle it. It is too in depth to type here.

Yes I think there is that going on, as well as being their personality types. They're just as 'on' when you have them one to one, or when they're with other people (individually and en masse).

I do have 'Siblings Without Rivalry', I'll have to dig out out for a reread.

Oh wow, I could have written this. I only have 2 children but oh my goodness, they are SO full on and needy of attention and constantly want to be taking over the top of each other. DS1 (6) is particularly bad for the 'HEY MUMMY, WATCH THIS!!!' 'Mummy, look at me!' 'Mummy, hey Mummy, HEY MUMMY, WATCH ME!!!' Argh, it drives me bloody bonkers because it's usually over the most mundane activity like him stepping over something or going down the same bloody slide I have seen him go down for the past 6 years .

DS2 is terrible for asking me for things or asking me questions just as DS1 has asked me for something so I feel torn in both directions 100% of the time. It's end of half term holiday week here and my head is fuzzy and aching after the noise they make when they are together. Sadly individually they are really calm and well behaved, so I constantly feel guilty that I am just not good at parenting the two of them together :(

The only thing that helps at all is to make sure I have 'dates' with each of them individually. DH will take DS2 out to the park while I take DS1 out for a hot chocolate or a trip to the library. Then I'll take DS2 out for a bike ride or a trip to Grandad's while DH takes DS1 out to the allotment to plant stuff or go for walk in the woods etc. Not sure if it helps long term but it helps with the guilt and gives us head space away from all the 'LOOK AT MEEEEE!'s

Half term here as well and I'm knackered!

The thing with mine is that they're not quiet and calm when it's one to one, and thinking about what a pp said about sibling rivalry they are actually incredibly loud and boisterous when they're playing by themselves (so they're not vying for my attention iyswim). I think they just are loud, boisterous, energetic children.

I need to get through to them that it's just too much, without making them feel that I'm unhappy with them as people or that I don't like being around them. I've read on here posts mocking indulgent parents who say "Oh yes, my little darling is such a spirited child" whilst they wreak noisy havoc in the background with no reprimand, and I don't want to be that sort of parent.

However, I need some way of coming to terms with their boisterousness, and ways of dealing with it, without expecting them to be transformed into meek and placid little souls.

Maybe I'm asking the impossible!