How do u parent together if you don't agree?

[sososotired]

Last night was one of the worst nights since 9 month old DS was born!
He just didn't want to settle so we were awake from 10-2:30 I tried feeding rocking dummy lying with him sitting in his room but nothing he just wanted to play but when I left his room he cried.
I asked annoying DH for some help/ a break and all he does is let DS cry, I can't cope with that crying it out makes me cry and subsequently leads to massive fights between DH and I!
How do you cope? How do u parent together when all you want to do is help your child?

Talk it through. Did your dh say why he was just letting him cry?

He said its because nothing I do works :( which is fine it didn't work but I can't have my DS hysterical in his bed?

This is a challenge that you will come up against over and over as your ds grows up - what if you and dh don't agree on a parenting strategy. It's important that you work out a way to come to agreement / compromise now as it will only get harder. If you are sure ds if fine - not hungry, clean nappy, not in pain - them maybe letting him cry is the only option? You can go in every couple of minutes to confirm that he is still ok but don't interact with him. Maybe dh can do this and you can be in another room with the door shut and earplugs in? I haven't been in that situation myself so feel free to disregard my opinion.

You need to decide these things when you are not in the middle of it. In the light of day, sit down and discuss how you will deal with your son in the night.

You will both have to compromise.

Then you have to stick to it.

I agree with others who have said that you need to agree on a strategy - ideally beforehand, but after an issue occurs if necessary.

Try and talk about it without blame and emotion if you can, just focus on how can we do that better next time.

Fwiw, I can understand what your DH means about nothing working, but for me, that wouldn't mean leaving my baby to cry on his own. There have been nights where I have sat next to my DS's cot for hours until he has dropped off to sleep. At 9 months it could be a bit of separation anxiety kicking in, and he just needs to know that you are there.

If your DS wants to play, I would just keep gently repeating "it's bedtime" or some other similar phrase, and not engaging with the attempts to play. Eventually he will settle down, but it could take a long while.

I took everyone's advice sat DH down and we had a calm discussion on how we would handle night waking without cc/CIO because I can't handle that or rocking/feeding as DH can't handle that!!
Thanks for all the responses!

Best advice I read is never ever try to decide strategies in the middle of the night!

Sit and talk. Write down what you have decided so you can feel clear as you start the evening.

If its a one off I would do the rocking or whatever it takes - if it's all the time I would personally be prepared to let my son cry in his cot with me next to him and not pick him up - but it's v personal and you should listen to your partner just as he should listen to you

Glad you were able to discuss it and come to an agreement :-)