DH and screen time

[Addictedtocustardcreams]

I am a but concerned at the moment about how my my DH is parenting our 18month old DD. He is letting get have completely unlimited access to his phone or the iPad when they are together, quite often while they are also sat in front of the tv which will be on with something he wants to watch. Often cricket but sometimes other adult shows I am not sure she should be watching. He doesn't take her anywhere (has never taken her to a group, the park or soft play etc). He says he isn't harming her so it doesn't matter, but i think it might actually be bad for her. Am I being fussy/PFB? Don't know whether to try & discuss it again or leave things be.

Are you together as a couple and living together?

If so then you really need to have a joint view on this and agree between you what is appropriate.

You will get varying opinions on screen time. My personal one is that any screen time for under 2s is unnecessary and possibly harmful. My DP agrees with me on this. However, this is just my opinion and feeling on this. Many people are happy with a short amount of appropriate TV daily eg 15 mins before bed or in the morning.

The thing that stands out to me is that he is allowing her to watch unsuitable programmes (the cricket wouldn't worry me too much tho), without any consideration for her development. That's not really on. You need to have a calm conversation between you about what's best for your DD and make an agreement about how much and what TV/iPad she will watch/use.

There also seems to be a separate issue about him actually interacting with your DD. Can't you tell him to take her out to the park because you need time to do x, y, z? Would he just say no, point blank?

Following your post as I have a young baby & an very interested in views on this. I have just purchased 'Parenting in the modern age' book which has been recommended to me. I tend to agree with ExBrighton there are two issues here, one your joint patenting policy on screen time, and ensuring if your DD watches age appropriate programmes.

We didn't let our lo have any tv or screens under age 2. There really isn't any need. However, it does seem to be a divisive issue and I know lots of dc's with screen time similar to your dd's. Can you offer her something else to play with rather than an iPad when she is sitting with him? Your dd won't be choosing the screen so should be as easily distracted with something else.

As for the inappropriate content, I think you really need to have that conversation because it isn't an issue that is going to go away. Your dh may argue that your dd is unaware of the content but then you need to discuss at what age he will think she is aware and change his viewing accordingly. If he won't take responsibility then you either need to police their watching and remove your dd if it's inappropriate or/and add parental locks to everything. Putting in passwords might remind him that content is inappropriate.

If everything else in your relationship is fine then try not to get into entrenched positions about this. Start from accepting and verbalising that you both want the best for dd and work out a mutual policy that works for you all as a family.

Yes my original post doesn't really sound like we are parenting together. We actually agree on a lot & are able to negotiate most of the rest but on this we have completely opposing views. I think one of the issues is that how my DH is acting with DD reflects his own childhood where he spent an awful lot of time watching TV. I tend to think it didn't really do him or my SIL much good as they have both had lifelong struggles with their weight. However it is difficult to discuss this as you can imagine. My take on TV is that she generally shouldn't watch it but I distract her with the occasional 15 mind when I am trying to finish tea then it won't cause any major problems.