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Parenting

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Original poster

Helping husband to feel relaxed with baby

16 replies

Bombus77 · 24/05/2014 12:11

Since our daughter was born 4 months ago my husband has been really great at helping with housework, but seems to avoid contact with the baby. He will only doing anything with her if I ask him, and if he holds her while I nip to the loo, for example, he hands her back to me as soon as I'm back in the room. How can I help him feel more relaxed with her? I make sure that I don't hover over him if he is doing something with her and I don't criticise or correct what he does. It would be great to feel that we were sharing the childcare, even for just a couple of hours over the weekend. I'd be happy to do more around the house if he had the baby. Any suggestions?

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Ploppy16 · 24/05/2014 12:14

Has he had much contact with small babies before yours? My DH had never held one for longer than about 5 minutes before our eldest was born and was convinced he would break him until DS got a bit sturdier and had control of his head more.
Just keep encouraging him and when you're ready leave him with baby for a while or get h to take her out. he'll get there.

widdle · 24/05/2014 15:41

It might help if you put him in charge of specific tasks like doing nappy changes, doing the bath, getting baby dressed in the morning. If he is anything like my DH he is probably happier doing practical stuff and he'll start to be more comfortable handling the baby at other times too. He could also take the baby out for a walk so you get a break. Once DS got a bit sturdier DH was much more comfortable playing with him. Good luck!

thegambler · 24/05/2014 16:13

Tell him from another Dad (me!) it makes things much easier in the long run as you get a better relationship with your kids. Also it's good not to be beholden to anyone, even the wife! Also a little secret that I'd better whisper on here, looking after kids is a doddle, good fun. Another little by product is that if you can still be a bloke's bloke and a nappy changing dad, women love it, I have never been flirted with by women out of my league more than I was when out and taking care of my girls.

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Cric · 25/05/2014 08:53

My husband had no experience of babies until our was born. I wanted him to feel like he was half of it all so in the first few weeks straight after the odd feed (bf) I would pop to the shop or something and leave him. He is now about to have her for the whole weekend as I have a hen party (she is 12 weeks). He is really looking forward to it. We knew about it before baby and he was shitting his pants but now he can't wait. You could Find some reason to go away for the day/night so he has a reason to build his confidence??

PotteringAlong · 25/05/2014 08:55

I agree, leave him for a bit. Even if it's straight after a feed and you only go to Sainsburys for an hour just get out of the house!

BeCool · 25/05/2014 08:55

Put him in charge of bath time. Help him first time and them leave them too it. Very intimate and tender thing to do. They will be very close in no time. Worked very well for dd and XP.

ShoeWhore · 25/05/2014 08:59

My dh also took bath time as his thing and I made sure to keep right out of it so he could find his own way of doing things. It was really lovely for them to have that time and for me to have a break when dh got in from work.

Pagwatch · 25/05/2014 09:01

Yes! Go out.
That will do it.

Doodle1983 · 25/05/2014 09:44

Throw him in at the deep end - I've never had a baby before either ! I told my DH that I needed some time to myself so at 4 weeks old I suggested he take DS out to his friends for the afternoon. Why should we give blokes so much leeway? They made the baby too!

Cric · 25/05/2014 10:18

I agree doodle!! It's when I am out and someone says is your husband babysitting!! No he isn't it is his baby too and therefore he is not a babysitter for me haha!!

Doodle1983 · 25/05/2014 17:08

Totally! If you don't trust your husband with the baby then you probably should of chose someone else to have a baby with.

Original poster

Bombus77 · 26/05/2014 01:39

Thank you all . I did get to the end of my tether yesterday, so DH had to look after DD for a couple of hours whilst I slept and he did enjoy it. I like the bath time idea, will definitely try that and nipping to the shop. I know he will be great at it, just needs to know that it will be okay.

OP posts:

thegambler · 26/05/2014 01:43

Get him feeding and changing first, ease him in. As a dad who decided to be very hands on, the bath was the the biggy and the last one I done.

waterrat · 26/05/2014 19:42

Many women have had no experience of babies but they get on with it !

I agree that he just needs to be made to cope - go to meet a friend for coffee, make bath time his time and could he do an hour or two in the mornings before you get up?

PotteringAlong · 28/05/2014 18:32

Bath time is a great one, especially as it's ongoing! My DH is currently bathing 2.5 yr old DS whilst I'm on mumsnet!

Jaffakake · 28/05/2014 22:32

I found a regular thing to go out and do one night each week (choir in my case) it helped my dh gain confidence as he didn't have me to refer to & I didn't interfere! Dh was amenable to this.

Dh's brother referred to taking care of his son as 'babysitting' to which he has been mercilessly teased for ever since!

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